I know it's taboo, but can it really be because of the kids?
Over the last few months, I've read quite a few posts, responding to a few, but I'm at a point where I'm in need to some perspective. I've been with my SO for 3 1/2 years. When we got together we knew that blending was going to be work. It always is. She has two children, a boy (9) and a girl (5) and I have a boy (11).
When we got together things were pretty easy (it usually is, normal hiccups), but over the last couple of years things have gone from pretty easy to very difficult. I've spent a lot of time soul searching on this and honestly, as much as I hate to say it, it comes down to the children, most specifically, the 9 year old. In the last 12 months(ish) I've grown to really not like him and am finding every day single day he is here a struggle. I find his attitude to be elitist and entitled and his attitude to be completely disrespectful. He is not very nice to my BioChild and frankly not very nice to his sister. We've had widespread issues at school where his mouth and attitude are not getting any better, in fact, are getting worse. I've expressed my feelings to my SO on dozens of occasions and it is always met with the 'I hate conflict / want to be his friend' mentality. She will 'discipline', but then goes back to coddling him. The things that this child says to me and the way he acts towards both me and my son are just not ok. Maybe I'm just old school, but I can't imagine ever saying 1/100th of what this kid says to me to my parents, because I still wouldn't be able to sit. Prior to all of this, I prided myself on my patience, but its nearly the end, if not there. The straw came this weekend after I brought my BioChild back home, but we spent almost four hours, just the two of us, but when I got home, within minutes, it felt like a black cloud descended over me.
The COVID-19 pandemic has also put me in the position of having to be his teacher (as well as his sister who is on an IEP and mild spectrum Autism), because my SO is an essential employee, as well as his Father. I'm still working, but only because my job didn't have to close because I'm a Designer/National Account Manager and have a home office. That being said, I'm still expected to work as well. This part has made the last six weeks intensely painful.
I guess the long and short of it is, I'm not sure how much longer I can do this? Nothing has changed in a year and I'm not sure how much more I'm willing to bend and compromise. The part that sucks is that everyone tells you that it's not the kids, it's never the kids, but honestly... it's the kids. No one can tell me what to do, I get that. There are many of you that have dealt with way more than this, and I get that too, but right now, I'm struggling to keep afloat mentally and needed a place to put the words where someone might understand where my headspace is and offer a thought.