I just cannot keep my mouth shut...
I have been living with FDH for almost two years now. He has two kids, FSS12 and FSD10. The longer I live here, the more frustrated I get with the way I see him parent. The kids are here the full weekend, Thursday-Sunday night, every other, and Thursday to Saturday morning off weekends. My FDH travels for work and is out of town every Monday morning to Thursday night.
The situation between FDH and BM is typical of what I read on StepTalk. BM has custody and thinks she is the perfect mother. However, she tends to not feed them anything other than fast food, does not clean her house or do laundry, and has a tendency to "ignore" the kids (their words... I think she just does not dote on them every minute like FDH). She will not buy them nice clothes as she claims she is "bankrupt." Hardly, when she works FT and gets $1200/mo in child support and FDH has to pay 75% of all kids activities and child care. Both kids claim to like to be here at FDH more than with BM.
I personally think they like to be with FDH more because it is the magical world of Disney here. FDH supplies all the best food, snacks, and entertainment. Kids can have friends over to their heart's content (BM doesn't allow this because her house is too messy.) FDH buys them only brand name clothes. Video games, TVs in their rooms, Barbie dolls coming out their ears... you name it. If those kids want it they get it. FDH "just wants them to be happy here because they are so miserable over there." To me, it is just the typical guilt-ridden attempt to make sure the kids like him more than BM.
Kids are okay to me. I think I am just "around" as far as they are concerned. All they typically ask of me is "where is dad?" if he is not in the room. They go to him for all other needs, wants, questions, etc. Probably because they know I am not going to say yes to every single little thing.
Lately, his parenting is getting on my nerves. Those kids are spoiled rotten, and the older they get, the worse they are acting. They don't have any responsibility. They talk back and say no if they don't like or don't want to do something. FDH just lets it go. All FSS wants to do is play video games and all FSD does is whine and complain and yell. I do not like how they treat everyone around them with a complete lack of respect.
Here is where I need to learn to keep my mouth shut. I tend to speak up when I see this ridiculous stuff going on. Like when FDH cooks dinner and Skids just refuse to eat it. I tell them, you can sit there until it is gone, I am tired of putting good food and money down the drain. Both kids are up two minutes later putting their unfinished food down the disposal. FDH says/does nothing. And you know where they both are half an hour later (in spite of being sooo full)... in the snacks. I wont cook for them because everything I make is "gross and nasty." Sorry, I am not a wimp like your dad. You'll eat what is made or you wont eat.
I know I should "disengage" when it comes to the kids. If he wants to raise rotten kids, power to him. However, I have to be here and suffer the consequences of their behavior. In spite of my telling FDH time and time again that although I would never expect him to put me BEFORE his kids, I don't like feeling like I am at the bottom of the list. This goes over his head. He just says he likes it best when everyone is here in the house together.
He seems to think that in a year or two, we should get full custody of the kids. Well guess what? With you out of town all week every week, do you really think I am going to take care of those two brats for you? Life would NOT be Disney with me. I am not a short-order cook, maid, and all-things entertainer. Especially when their BM is a mile away. Her kids, SHE can care for them.
Sorry, I know this was a little ranty and rambling at times. How do those of you that have disengaged handle it? How do you manage to not say anything about what is so obviously wrong?