You are here

I have no one to share it with

Salan787's picture

I gave up on therapy. I can't share with friends or family, now it comes only to steptalk. 

just need to ket it all out. Skids, twins, boys, 14 yo hate me. I found out when I heard one of them yelling to their dad how they hate that stupid bitch, evil stepmom etc. DH didnt do anything to stop them, talked to the later, thats what he said. I disengaged, just hi, bye. They now give me a big amount of discomfort when they are around after what I heard. Their mom was gone for most part of their lives, partying and living her life. DH has the full custody. Ex wife hates DH and me and now she appeared and contacted the twins and invited them over the summer holidays to go in another country etc. I really had a bad feeling that these boys will come back hating me even more, last time Ex wife tried to do everything to ruin our relationship, even posting online intimate details about their past relationship. She called my parents and said awful things to them about my husband, she made up that we all physically abuse the children and keep them trapped. And now she appears after so many years and wants them to go on holidays with her, I said no to my husband, not to let them go and get brainwashed there. They are not going to let us live at all after her. 
he agreed and they are not going now, they got hysterical over it, telling him awful things that he spends all his time with his new family, that he doesn't want them to live with us, that he never has time for them etc. Now he is super guilty as always, he never recognizes those manipulations. Now he is ready to go on vacation with them in the summer for two weeks, after that he wants to spend more time with them again, to compensate etc. I never want to go on vacation all together anymore, and vacay will cost a lot of money, this also bothers me. I can't say that I get enough time with DH, he is always on business trips, on the phone, at work. We never go out, no dates, sex happens very rarely as well. When I tell him this, he denies, I guess he feels that time is more than enough for me. I married him young and kids free, while he is 13 years senior and had 3 kids already. I feel this is so unfair, I have to give up on so many things, compromise, beacuse of those kids. I can't have my famiy ONLY, it's always some kind of a mix up feeling. 
We have a daughter together, she is almost 4. I was a stay at home mom all this time. I really need to start making my own money so I have more options and better protected. Maybe if I start having my own life outside of home, it won't bother me that much? 

AgedOut's picture

I think you really need to think about the future. Will your future and your daughter's future be a happy and safe one w/ him and his sons? 

justmakingthebest's picture

Personally, I think you should send them to BM all summer. Like, tell BM it has to be ALL SUMMER or not at all. Give yourself a break and have that time with just your child. If they are miserable to you when they come back, they need to go live with BM. There is no need for everyone to be miserable.

Let's just also be clear, BM might take them for the summer but if she is a party person, traveling, etc- she doesn't want to be strapped down with 3 teens. She will be a super cool mom for a few weeks but then fail miserably. They will also have to change schools and that is something no teen actually wants. Call their bluff on all this and watch as BM can't follow through on everything. 

Also- Good on you for realizing it's time to go to work again. Make that money and know that you aren't trapped. Marriage is hard, being a SM is SUPER HARD. If it isn't working anymore, than he either figures it out with you and you grow together again or you don't. 

Survivingstephell's picture

I agree, send them for the whole summer.  Go live your best life with your BD.  Nothing like a dose of reality for everyone.  You need a break and DH needs a break from the drama.  Think of it as a reset/ test for your marriage.  
Let go of what the think about you.  You never were their mother and the fact your DH did not defend you , his choice for spouse, as another adult in the home, well he needs clarification on his priorities vs responsibilities.  

Salan787's picture

Thank you for your reply! Now I start to think maybe I shouldn't have interfered and just stay disengaged, go with the flow. But I don't think it's possible to make any change now. 
I just truly need to stay disengaged for good so there is no chance for skids to do any harm. 

justmakingthebest's picture

Well, you already engaged when you stopped it. Tell your husband you changed your mind and think going would be best. 

CLove's picture

Your husband is not focusing on you and your little together, hes focused on "bread winning" and his rude spawn, er, children.

He is failing them as a parent. No boundaries, allows them to disrepect you. That doesnt get better over time it gets worse, especially if daddy cakes isnt doing anything to correct it, only rewarding the bad behavior.

Good for you for disengaging. Now it is time for you to focus on you. Get that job. Start building your life that you want and building that independence. Im all for staying at home and care taking the family when you have littles that need you, but your Bio is getting old enough and needs to see momma take charge of her life. 

Let the bratolos go to mommy dearest if thats what they want. You are disengaged. Block that bish BM, shes cray cray. Ask that your family also block her. Document all the crazy as much as you can so that when the bratolos start mimicing her toxic lies, you can counter that with the truth. I wish that I had done more of that so when SD16almost17 Power sulk tries to tell me how her mother "doesnt hurt people" I can tell her about the bruises on her sisters face and head, and about the scratches on her fathers face.

Get that job, get that separate bank account, model the woman you want your daughter to grow up to be like.

Salan787's picture

Thank you very much for your wonderful reply!!! You all help me a lot, I feel better every time I get to share here and receive so much support! 

CLove's picture

And you are in one of he toughest models - the "blended" model.

Your bio will grow to resent how the skids are treated better with lower expectations.

Added to that your skids will inherit the money your husband is working for.

SO, I would encourage you to read around more in addition to posting and sharing, then get thee to a lawyer and button down all the financials NOW, in case something happens to breadwinner husband. Get life insurance info or start a policy so you are protected, if you dont have anything currently. I get that you are in a different country than I am. Reseach all the rules of inheritance and powers of attorneys.