I have never been a victim
I am going to start out I have never been a victim of abuse so I may not have the right view point. But this still makes me mad.
SD10 BM made a huge post about how she was a victim of abuse, mentally, pychically and she just wished one person would of stepped up and helped her out. That she left on her own, she was scared and it was a horrible sisuation .
Rewind to Christmas 2 years ago, when SD told us BM new husband was abusing BM. (We called Social Services). BM told us SD was lying, made SD feel awful. We offered to pay for her to get out, down payments, all deposits anything she need to get into a new place. BM said no SD lied and she is starting trouble.
BM just left her husband in Decemeber of last year, she let SD live with a man who was abusing them for 2 years! She scared her own child into not seeing us, she scared her own child into not speaking out! SD did the right thing and told us, and BM made her life hell. SD wont even leave BM now, SD is messed up becuase BM wouldnt leave.
The post BM made just infurated me! She said no one helped her that her fire was gone. She was lost, she had no one to reach out to. That life was awful, that SD was unhappy and she is scared what long term effects this will have on SD.
Social Serivces dropped the ball major on this, they allowed BM and her husband in the room when they interviewed SD. They allowed the fact the new man had pervoisley been arrested for abuse to go. They allowed the fact that SD had multiple trips to the hospital from broken bones with stupid reasons go. We stayed on Social Serivces, were just annoying them.
Now BM is coming out acting like she was a vicitim, yes she is but she is a jerk to. I have never been her but to put her child threw this! And we offered to do anyhting we could, we offered to get them out. BM just made SD scared and didnt care enough about her. Again I have never been there but for BM to come out on social media and act like she is some kind of hero. It makes me so mad
I have been a victim of abuse
I have been a victim of abuse. The reasons why women don't get out after the first incident are varied. In my case, I originally thought that the situation was an aberration.. that it wouldn't happen again.. that I was tough enough to get past it. Also the fact that he was living at my house and vaguely threatened my home and me.. well.. for fear of things getting worse.. I let it go on longer than it should have. Did I tell anyone? no.. how could I tell people what an idiot/fool I was. It was embarassing that I let this man take advantage of me... threaten me etc... So, no one knew a thing. To this day, very few people know what really went on and even then, not the full extent.
In your BM's situation.. she may have been afraid that she would lose her daughter in a custody situation. She might have been afraid of the fallout if the man left. Maybe she was financially reliant on him... or so needy she didn't think she could survive without a man. Or.. maybe they had a dependence on drugs? Of course, now, after the fact she is acting like the "strong woman" on social media... (where we never admit we are idiots..lol).
I commend you and your DH for trying to help. I don't know why people refuse to listen to good advice sometimes.
In the situation with my EXBF... the woman he hooked up with next (I found out he was cheating.. was easiest way to break up since he had somewhere to go) called me one day a month or two after I got him out of my house. She wanted to know if she should be worried about his behavior. Apparently he had gotten pretty harsh with her toddler when the child messed up something of his (minor I think).. well, he apparently took one of the child's favorite belongings and crushed it in front of the child while berating it. Should she be worried? Look, I did NOT want this guy back on my doorstep and really didn't want to give him any reason to be angry with me for telling his new girlfriend stories about him. BUT.. there was a kid.. a 2 year old little girl and my conscience couldn't deal with not saying something. Without full detail I told her that he did have violent episodes in his past of physical abuse...and that I didn't feel it was my place to tell her what to do but that I would be very concerned if I were her. Keep in mind this was the woman who knew who I was.. knew I existed and still started a relationship with this guy while I was supposedly still dating him. It could have been percieved as sour grapes.. but with a kid, I couldn't not tell her. Of course... she stayed with him. Of course... he beat her and she actually ended up getting him put in jail for a year. I hope he never hurt her child..
Why would she stay with him knowing that he had hurt other women... after he terrorized her child? Your guess is as good as mine.
thank you, I have never been
thank you, I have never been in this sisutaion, and I have no clue how I would act.
I think my main thing is she made her own child feel like crap. That poor kid is messed up now. BM would call SD at our house crying. BM used it agaisnt SD too. SD thought she had to protect her mom. And mom played into it. Many times SD would say new husband was mad at BM cause BM was running around on him. But how could she cause SD said she knew she wasnt. and She told new husband that she was always with BM.
I cant imagine now scary it would be, I love my DH and if he ever turned or something happen I would hate to leave. Its a crap sisuation. I just hate she hurt SD so much.
I know you had a previous
I know you had a previous post about SD needing therapy. I think your husband should insist on it happening. There is another poster on here with a story about his stepson who hates his mother for not protecting her. Kids turn so much of this stuff around in their minds... they get convinced that somehow they have an influence on or are causing the problems to happen. Of course SD probably also wants to protect her mom at all costs and feels guilty for what she couldn't do... and probably anger at mom at the same time for not protecting her from this guy.
SD refuses to see DH i wonder
SD refuses to see DH i wonder is she blames him for it all? She did tell him what was going on, she told both of us and we didnt fix it.
BM said she started her last week, BM has a tight hold on it though. DH told her either she takes her or he will but one way or another she is going. So BM said she took her Friday.