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I give up :-(

Burntoutsecondwife's picture

Submitted by Burntoutsecondwife on Wed, 02/13/2013 - 8:43am

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Does anyone feel like they are just waiting for the inevitable? I love my husband so much, but it is just never going to work with his kids and more specifically with his ex-wife. She has destroyed the person who I was. I don’t even recognize myself. I’ve basically crawled into an emotional black hole at this point. My kids are losing their mother. I don’t know what to do. I cry all the time, several times a day. I can’t focus at work or at home. I keep getting angry and blowing up. My husband just keeps telling me that he’ll fix everything.

Do I save myself more time, suffering, and heartache and end it now or do I pray and keep trying and torturing myself when I feel that there is only a very small chance this will ever work? I don’t know what to do.

fedup13's picture

Submitted by fedup13 on Sat, 02/16/2013 - 4:44pm

I am the exact same way. I don't even remember what it is like to be me. When I try and look back on the girl I was 3 years ago, it is all just a distant fuzzy dream like memory. I have lost all my spark all my hope all my excitement for the future and I just exist from day to day. Every single day I grow more mad, resentful, regretful, and tired. I am so mad at myself for allowing my life to turn out this way. I just didn't know. I had no clue it would turn out like this and now that it has I am so sad. Sad because I love my husband and if it weren't for SS and all the problems he causes and his mother as well, we would be fine. It is so hard to know that the man who I love is also the reason why I hate my life. Make sense? The idea of living like this for the rest of my life sickens me but the idea of leaving him because of them sickens me even more, like why should I have to lose out on what I deserve, the man I love and who loves me, like I haven't given up and suffered enough as it is. I see no hope on the horizon though because DH will not do what has to be done in order for our marriage to survive his baggage. He perpetually sticks his head in the sand or lashes out at me and neither one are solutions. I just joined here as a last effort to find get some help.

2Tired4Drama's picture

Submitted by 2Tired4Drama on Wed, 02/13/2013 - 9:27am

Agree with Cheri on this. Your health and your kids' welfare need to be paramount. Maybe a separation is best at this point for both you and your kids. If that doesn't wake up your DH and result in real change, then you have your answer.

Perhaps this relationship is just like a shoe that will never fit you right; you will spend the rest of your life limping, blistered and getting nowhere fast. And your kids will watch you walk in pain every step of the way. Who knows what effect that will have on them? And how they eventually view relationships and what is acceptable.

Do you want your kids to grow up thinking they can be treated this way in their relationships? If not, then don't accept it yourself.

Life is too short. Every day is a gift and no one knows how many they have. Why spend any of them in misery if it can be avoided?

jumanji's picture

Submitted by jumanji on Wed, 02/13/2013 - 11:03am

I remember a day when I looked in the mirror, and saw a shadow, instead of me. That was the day I knew that I had a choice to make. I could save myself, or I could end up crazy or dead. Because I knew I would be one of the latter if I stayed in that marriage. Our kids deserved better than that. Two parents, divorced, was better than one parent essentially dead.

Orange County Ca's picture

Submitted by Orange County Ca on Wed, 02/13/2013 - 11:51am

Your husband isn't going to do a damn thing. Tell your children this afternoon then tell him this evening that this was a mistake. Accept the blame if it makes it easier and for Gods sake don't get pregnant.

Leave as soon as possible.

stina1119L's picture

Submitted by stina1119L on Wed, 02/13/2013 - 3:43pm

I have no bios of my own, so I can't save myself for their sake. I don't want to save myself from my DH... but I know what you mean. I am not the same person I was 5 years ago either. I've become unmotivated, angry, defensive, withdrawn. I've let myself go, gained weight, drink too much wine. I still have a good job, so I buy THINGS to make me feel better, things I never knew I wanted (a BMW!?! really!) or needed, to make the 'outside' look good. It hides the hollowness I feel on the inside.

My DH is a WONDERFUL, SUPPORTIVE man. He is sucked DRY, not only by his kids, and his ex, but by his needy, lazy, self absorbed, angry awful siblings. We are surrounded on his side by so much anger, vindictiveness and controlling from other people, it's sucking us DRY! Sad I want to laugh insanely at times. I want to cry insanely at times. I don't want to go home, so I shop or go get a drink somewhere, a little something to numb whatever bomb got thrown at him, that he'll tell me about when I get home.

I honestly do not know how HE handles things in HIS head. Mine is about to explode. Making me feel like a horrible wife. I secretly love when he travels for work, although I love him, those days there are no 'bombs' in our lives... no angry person, no skids and no ex slinging crap. Only 1.5 years left legally I keep telling myself that!

Step-Volgirl's picture

Submitted by Step-Volgirl on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 10:27am

I'm sorry!! Focus on your kids. If you can do that and stay in your marriage, GREAT! If you can't, leave! Your husband keeps saying he'll fix it. Sometimes, all the love and best intentions can't save a marriage. Try some family counseling. If that doesn't work (or help) then you can tell your kids that you tried everything to save this marriage, but you've decided to end it.

love_my_shichi's picture

Submitted by love_my_shichi on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 10:37am

Yes I know EXACTLY what you mean. I want nothing more then to be with my fiancee. But his financial situation is ruined by his X, and that makes things harder then an average situation- his x wife just started taking the maximum she can directly from him check....125% of the child support amount. And he pays off their credit card debt from the marriage- and the payment is 1300$ a month, for three years! So, its stressful. Just an add on to the fact that I CANNOT STAND HIS KIDS. AT ALL> AND I. NEVER. EVER ----EVER-EVER- EVER-EVER-EVER will like them at all. It is getting to the point now that when they are around I see them and then I see him and it makes him less appealing. This never happened before. He still has grandiose ideas about us being "a family" and I do not have the heart to tell him IT IS A FANTASY IN HIS HEAD> not ever going to materialize. And the thing is- the kids are cold as ice to me too. Its not as if I just dislike like them for no reason...well besides that they are strange and dirty and rude and selfish and uninteresting. But they never say hello, thank you, ANYTHING. I do not think they even know my name. What I do for an occupation etc. Where I am from...what I do all day. ANYTHING. And I have known them for three years.

I am starting to read the stories on here and "GET IT" that I am no different then many of these scenarios. As far as futures go. For awhile I had this vision in my head literally that they would GROW UP AND THEN IT WOULD BE THE END. uhhhhh..........does not look like that's really gonna happen. With how lazy and entitled these kids are and how the BM will not even bu the kids a new t-shirt, I can already see that the kids are going to a) want to live with us the rest of their lives or b)expect their dad to pay their rent the rest of their lives. Either way I am screwed. I am not having either scenario. I cannot stand them 2 nights on the weekend and we can barely get by now so why in the world and how in the world would we support those A$$holes? NO matter how much I love him....the fact is his SITUATION makes me freaking miserable- every way you slice it period. END OF STORY.

I will just hang on and wait I guess until I get so sick of it I cannot take it anymore.