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I feel like we are being nickle and dimed all the time by BM??

stepsmother's picture

Ok, so my husband pays a good amount of child support every month. his oldest daughter has been 18 for almost a year with no reduction because the court is taking forever to do it. Also now BM is working and she wasn't at the time of final papers were written up. And now his ex is asking that if the support is reduced because of those circumstances that we have to pay additional for the kids' extracurricular activities.. So even though SD18 is emancipated and BM is working we shouldn't pay less?

I pay for my kids' activities out of my child support I get from my ex, and I assumed most people did. The attorney told me that is not the case in most cases that the parties split the cost of activities according to income on top of support. This is news to us! My husband pays her spousal support, child support, provides the kids health insurance, plus 50% of medical out of pocket expenses, 100% of travel expenses for out of state visitation,(they lived most of their marriage in the state where we live and only moved to another state because she lost the house here on purpose by not paying the mortgage while he was at work out at sea, instead paying for shopping and SD pageants! and they separated within 2 years of moving down there! which is when he moved back to home state. Now he is the bad guy for moving back home where all their family lives) We pay average over the year of $500 per month in visitation expenses.

She spends way more on extracurricular activities than we feel is appropriate so there is no way we want to be stuck with that! She is a pageant mom who spends money on out of state travel for pageants before her bills, as well as competition cheer and dance classes and competitions, with private lessons and hair and makeup for competitions. We have my kids in normal dance lessons, which are less a hundred a month, and the other is in piano, also under a hundred per month, which I pay for out of my child support I get from my ex. We feel spending hundreds on activities for kids that young is crazy! She is teaching them to be spoiled and demanding. What do you all think? Do you all pay separate for outrageous activities? or is it included in support?

In Addition now she is sending us receipts for reimbursements for little things like a 20$ humidifier for her house because she said it was for SD11. Well, they live in the dessert and have them in different rooms of the house already. We purchased a nicer one for the girls room when they are up here too and didn't ask her to pay half. This isn't a medical expense to us. He already gives her half the cost of copays and deductibles and coinsurance, casts and lab fees etc... as well as provides the insurance. I don't think its fair that she sends us receipts from Walmart that could be for anyone in the household and expect us to pay for it! What's next tooth paste? shampoo? What is the support for?

stepsmother's picture

We don't want to give her any more, we are trying to get it reduced and were having to go back to court to do it. Now the judge ordered a settlement hearing to try to come to an agreement before it can go back to court so she is asking for him to pay more because he is seeking a reduction. She hasn't paid him anything she was ordered yet he has paid her everything he was ordered. NOT FAIR

hereiam's picture

Do not give her anything above what the current CO states. Not for humidifiers or any other stuff she buys at Wal Mart. Out of pocket medical expenses are actual medical expenses; doctor visits, prescriptions, procedures, etc.

She can TRY to nickel and dime your husband, but if it's not in the CO, she's out of luck and he needs to tell her, "No," or ignore her stupid receipts.

stepsmother's picture

The judge ordered a settlement hearing next month before he would let us go back to court. Yes it is kind of a counter claim thing.. and we are seeking at least some of the travel, but it may be hard because he is the one who moved, but as I explained in my post it wasn't the normal moving decisions. And she wants us to pay for the kids activities in exchange which would help at all considering her spending on those!

HappilySelfish679's picture

Does she charge for toilet paper by the sheet ?

Ridiculous . CS is meant to even out the difference in income to make her " whole ". Not a dime more .

stepsmother's picture

The court order is messed up. In the main order of dissolution it says he pays 100% by agreement of the parties, he never agreed to that! The judge asked him if he would agree to pay them for the temporary orders visit before the final papers were signed, that's it! It was never an agreement between the parties to do this forever. Then the child support orders and visitation papers say that they are to share the travel expenses 50/50. So part says one thing and the other part says the other! I know she would never split the cost when he goes down there to see the kids, she would refuse to reimburse or would say she had the right to say I could not come with him on the visit if she shares the cost. Of course I would not ask her to pay for my plane ticket anyway! I thought the parent who moved always had to pay travel, its reassuring to know if this isn't the case.

The problem with extracurriculars were never addressed in the divorce papers, he was never ordered to pay them. And she never asked for them. Probably because part of the reason they got divorced was because of her overspending on pageants and competitions instead of paying bills! He does not agree with these activities. We don't think kids activities should cost more than $100 per month each. We also pay for his daughters cell phone already- not in the orders.

notsobad's picture

I'm confused.

If the CO doesn't address the extracurriculars, don't pay them. BM can jump up and down and scream and yell but he doesn't have to pay them. I would put money in a separate account just in case a judge decides that he does have to pay them, but don't pay just because BM is telling him to.

You are never going to get reimbursement money from BM, so don't ever count on getting money spent on travel back from her.

notasm3's picture

I think people who put their daughters in those disgusting beauty pageants are HORRIBLE. My niece was the same age as Jon Benet Ramsey in Colorado and lived in the same town. My niece (step niece actually) was way prettier than poor little Jon Benet. Fortunately her mother did not make her into a prostitot who got murdered. And my niece's father had about 100 times more money than the Ramsey family (literally) so it was not a matter of not being able to afford it.

My niece graduated with high honors from USC and is a beautiful (inside and out) young woman today. And is ALIVE.

The impossible Girl's picture

I had the same reaction when I saw that my dh still had to pay for 57% of all educational, medical expenses and extracurricular activities. I figured that it was all included in the cs, but apparently not. At least not inour state. I would do like others have said and check the paper work. I studied and memorized ours. lol. However, I dont think a humidifier would qualify as medical. Maybe if she has a doctors order for one? I dont think that would be the case though.