We constantly help out (financially) our adult SKs and they continue to treat us like dirt!

...BM calls DH and wants him to discipline SSons during her parenting time. DH doesn't do it, but it creates tension in our home because he gets angry that BM wants him to be the bad cop.

~BettyRay
________________________________________________________________
"PROBLEMS ARE ONLY OPPORTUNITIES IN WORK CLOTHES."
-Henry Kaiser

When it is time for ideas on how to try to get SD to behave, study, etc. my input is not welcome (to BM).

However, when it is time to pay for something, a trip, gift, extra, etc. they are completely willing and to accept and even expect that from me.

Well the gravy train is now stopped!! because it chaps me so bad

"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin

Yep, happens every time we have been to court.

He gets $1000/mo reduction in income for CS calculation purposes because as the IDIOT Judge so eloquently put it "StepDad makes a good income and Bio-Dad should not have to subsidise an artificially elevated life style for the child". WTF is an "artificially elevated life style". My Lovely Bride and I sacrificed early in our marriage to go to Grad school and have busted out butts.

All while bio-dad (CG, I almost gagged on that one! But I promised so I will keep working on it.) went on a long quest to impregnate every available womb (sorry CG!) in North America.

Ok,I feel better. But, I do feel resentful when that happens.

Best regards,

and am greeted with "What's for dinner?" every daggone night. DH doesn't do that to me, just SD. I will happily provide him with healthy food to eat, but cooking is done on Sundays and we eat leftovers all week.

Not so with SD. It doesn't occur to her to cook (not allowed at home) and she's fussy about leftovers. Not that there are many anyway, because we're going through almost twice the food per meal with her around. While I gave up early on encouraging her to exercise, she will eat healthy if it's placed in front of her, so I feel obligated to feed her healthy food. So I end up cooking every darn night after work while SD plays on the computer and DH does chores*.

I wanna sit on my butt on the couch after work! I don't wanna be the (self-appointed) health monitor for the household! So yes, I know it's my own fault, but I'm still resentful.

*by chores I mean putting away his stuff from work and organizing and packing for the next day, not household chores that SD could be doing.

I took SD8 to see High School Musical production, the first ever that she seen and she said "is daddy going"...I said "no this is our girls night out, AND we are going with a couple of your fiends and their mothers"...she SIGHED and SULKED....she had fun, but end the end, never said thank you....AND that is the last time she will go out with me to a $75pp event again. From now on, she can see the movie.

I resent that...

I also resent that when DH cooks a meal which is once in a blue moon she is "ohh this tastes soooo good", but when I cook a meal, which is always clearly good - she cleans her plate in 5 minutes...I get no"thank you"..

I resent that...

I forgot about this one...

SD8 isn't open with me, but when my family is over she clings to them. My fam knows what is up. However it bothers me that she tries to be soo close to them. Also, she has two grandmothers that spoil her, and quite frankly since my BD doesn't have that, I would want my mom to be the one to spoil BD - - sometimes I feel SD8 can have HER family, and I'll have mine....except where they overlap with DH. That might be petty and childish...but its a boundry thing for me. I resent this...

I forgot about this one...

SD8 isn't open with me, but when my family is over she clings to them. My fam knows what is up. However it bothers me that she tries to be soo close to them. Also, she has two grandmothers that spoil her, and quite frankly since my BD doesn't have that, I would want my mom to be the one to spoil BD - - sometimes I feel SD8 can have HER family, and I'll have mine....except where they overlap with DH. That might be petty and childish...but its a boundry thing for me. I resent this...

was feeling invisible in my home i had no say in anything i was just left on the couch sat there staring into space with every tv and comp occupied kept awake until 2am every time they stayed

and im grateful they have gone
i now do what i want when i want and dont have to put my needs on the back shelf

I have unselfishily given of my self and my time to the kids and they could care less. BM can come along and spit in a cup and it is an event to be celebrated. Your Holy Highness Majestic Fairy GodMother at their service (BM not me). I am working on that one though. The reality is "It is what it is." and my being resentful or angry about it does not make her a better parent. SO, I have to look at myself and my triggers.

Step Mother's Motto this week is:

You don't have to LOVE me, you don't even have to LIKE me... But you will RESPECT me.

I am resentful at the way BF treats me when his children are here. He's great to me most of the time, but when they are here, he treats me like sh*t. It's bad enough that their mother fills their head with crap to turn them against me, but then he refuses to treat me as a person when they are here, like he's trying to prove to them that he loves them more than me. I feel so alone and like such an outsider in my own home every two weeks. It's not the skids' fault, and I don't blame them. They live by their parent's example. I just wish I didn't have to be treated as someone who should be seen and not heard when they are here.

All I'm asking...is for a little RESPECT (just a little bit).-The Queen of Soul

I feel resentful when BM changes the parenting plan and BF okays it without discussing it with me first. I'm so sick of BM who I hardly know and don't want to know constantly adding days and evenings for us with skids and dropping them off whenever she feels like it and BF having no balls to stand up for himeself or even stand up for me for that matter.

*SORRY for that vent, having a really bad day and feeling extremely frustrated with BM*

I resent being asked "what's for dinner?"I resent constantly paying for item replacements (coats, shoes, backpacks) because SS (16) loses everything or destroys it and I haven't had a new winter coat in 5 years. How do you lose running shoes at a track meet?I resent the time my husband doesn't spend with BS because he's constantly driving SS places (you have a bike and it's sunny outside -you don't need a ride).I resent never being able to come home and be relaxed because I never know who or what is waiting for me.  Large number of teenage boys, broken items, loud music. I resent not having had a choice about going from EOW to full time custody.  I resent DH thinking that I'm cold and mean and I should care about SS when after 2 years of illegal drugs, alcohol and broken rules I've disengaged and am enjoying it.
I resent the fact that I don't get to make the rules for my own home.

My dh sticks his head up his *ss just long enough to completly ignore what the skids do and pulls it out just in time to reprimand my bd for doing many of the same things.

SD17 comes to MY home and acts like she rules it
DH allows her to act like she rules it
SD17 comes into my home scantily clad, when she's been told by me that it's not acceptable
DH won't say aword to her about how she's dressed, even tho he and I have discussed it
I really feel resentful when I can't even sit in my own living room (my house, not his) and watch TV because DH thinks it's just fine for SD17 to take up the entire couch for herself

Ya know what? I'm just becoming resentful of just about everything to do with Dh & SD17's crap....and we've only been married 5 months!

I resent the @#%!!! out of the fact that anytime I get something my sd wants it and my hubby thinks I should let her have what ever she wants. Last year for my birthday my sons got together and got me a day at a day spa. A whole day of being pampered and catered to. I was so thrilled, I had never been to one and was really looking forward to it. My sd whined and bitched about how she should go instead of me because she deserved it. He actually told me to let her have it. When I said NO I got the silent treatment for a week. It was great. She did the same thing at Christmas when they got me a PS3 and some games. Both of them expected me to just hand it over. When I suggested she get a job and earn the money to buy her own things you would have thought I told her to become a prostitute. Both of my sons had after school and summer jobs I don't see why she can't. But because I wouldn't give up my things she started stealing money from me. That confrontation didn't go well. But most of all I resent that that lying, manipulative, thieving little bitch gets treated like a queen while I'm treated like crap.

I resent being thrown into this situation. I have no problem with helping but when I am doing everything and go to him for help with problems with my SD he says he doesn't want to deal with it. I was diagnosed with an ulcer not too long ago which im sure is related to this situation! Sd does not want to do any schoolwork. Tells me she's not gonna listen to me right to my face and never says thank you for anything. Of course im the first person she goes to for money if she needs something. I am sick of tired of being told I don't do enough for sd, I have my own kids. His family hates me but they are quick to expect me to do something for her if it needs to be done. I am constantly aggravated... Not sleeping right, always uptight. I feel this is not my full responsibility he wanted her to live with us so WHY is he not doing it! Of course the answer is I make more money than you and work more. Well I work a full time to on top of taking care of my two kids and his. UGH..... I resent having to do it! Just needed to vent! I have no problem doing it but feel like this is not my full responsibility!

Is when each month we have to pay BM child support and she uses it up in drugs and the daughter not the boys..

You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.
Sir Winston Churchill..

Thanks Endora for starting this off. It is very liberating!

deleted

that someone i didnt choose to be a part of my life can have such an adverse affect on it. i resent the $700 a month we have to hand over bc she tricked him into having the kid and dh was too stupid and believed her lies. i resent that she sits on her ass and works PT and minimum wage and can bc of all our cs, while we struggle to pay our mortgage. i resent that we wont have even half of that much to spend on our baby. i rensent all she has put my dh, my ss and myself thru, especially the name callling to me and the legal battle. i resent that she thinks sd should come before everyone else in dh's life, even his own son. i resent that she is teaching sd to be a spoiled bratty baby who doesnt do anything for herself. and i resent that she will be in my life forever. i have more, but i think thats enough resentment for one day.

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

When I think about how much I sacrificed and turned my life upside down for SD, and nonetheless I'm treated like crap.

When SD shouts at me that I'm a "friggin' ho" because I have the nerve to breastfeed my baby in the living room.

When I get up in the morning, and find SD's shoes all over the house....one pair in the middle of the bathroom floor, one pair under the dining room table, and one pair next to the coffee table.

When I open the refrigerator and see two empty cardboard containers that used to each contain 4-packs of jello pudding. If you take the last one, throw out the freaking cardboard, don't put it back in the refrigerator.

When the top of one of the jello puddings is sitting on the counter instead of in the trash can.

When my husband tells me that I need to get a thicker skin and not let SD bother, because according to husband, by showing SD that her behavior effects me, I give SD the impression that I'm weak and that she can control me.

I could go on and on. I'm having a bad few days. I actually discussed divorce with DH last night. We've only been married since January. I can't take SD's abuse anymore. I don't want my little one to grow up in this tension and anxiety.

disciplining my SS for doing what he always does ........ absolutely nothing or lying. She would much rather have us give him the benefit of the doubt that he will do what he tells us he will do or that he is actually telling the truth.

Guess what, he has yet to do what he says he will do as far as school work and if asked a direct question will rarely tell the truth.

Dad: Did you do your homework?
Skid: Yes Dad.
Dad: Show it to me.
Skid:..... umm, ahhh I left it at school.
Dad: Bring me your backpack and review your assignment note book with me.
Skid: I left my assignment notebook at school Dad.
Dad: Hmmm lets see what is in your back pack.
Dad: Hmmm. What is this? It looks like your assignment notebook and ........ you have not written down a single assignment in it in over three weeks.
Skid: Ummmm, aaaaaahhhhhhh durrrr durrr durrr durrrrr.
Dad: Is that the new English vocabulary that you are supposed to be studying?
Skid: Daaaaaad, huff puff, pout, pout, grumble grumble. Do you always have to not believe me.
Dad: Well son, you rarely tell the truth about anything that you are asked about. Remember the time you stood in the middle of the pine needle covered living room insisting that you did vacuum up all of the pine needles after I took out the Christmas tree and there was a single strip of pine needle free carpet right down the middle of the living room exactly the width of the vacuum cleaner while the rest of the room was carpeted with pine needles?
Skid: Dad, why do you always bring up times when I lied when I am telling you the truth now?
Dad: I am sick of you lying you are grounded for life because you knew darn good and well that you did not leave your assignment note book at school. You just did not want to get busted. Why not just tell the truth?
Mom: Honey, do you have to always not believe him.
Dad: Well, lets see dear, he never turns in his homework and he always tell us that he did. We will log in on line and see if the homework gets turned in tomorrow.

Meanwhile back at the ranch and two days later...........

Dad: Honey, guess what? The kid got a zero on the assignment he told us he did.
Mom: Do you have to always check up on him.
Dad: Well, when we don't check up on him he does absolutely nothing. If we check up on him at least we know the truth and can get him the help he needs or at least make his life a living hell when he sits on his ass doing nothing when he is supposed to be doing his homework, chores, etc .......

Skid: Gloats happily while Mom and Dad argue and once again he has been able to deflect the attention from him and he can go back to sitting on his ass doing absolutely nothing.

Excerpts taken from actual Rags family discussions over the past several years. Edited for entertainment value.

I have adopted the philosophy of Don't tell me, show me. As of yet, he has not shown me much. 22mos and he will be 18 and out of high school (maybe). 22mos, 22mos, 22mos..........

Best regards to all,

I resent that every time DH gets raise she takes part of it. She is nearing six figures and still cries that she doesn't have enough. I resent that she gets her nails done weekly, goes tanning, has hair extensions, gym membership and I can't afford to do any of those things. I had to return back to work early on both my maternity leaves because we could afford for me to stay home.
But then I look at my beautiful children and husband...and remember she will never be able to have any more children and 6 years later and many men not one has stuck around....whose laughing now!

Really I am not bitter...LOL

I resent that every time DH gets raise she takes part of it. She is nearing six figures and still cries that she doesn't have enough. I resent that she gets her nails done weekly, goes tanning, has hair extensions, gym membership and I can't afford to do any of those things. I had to return back to work early on both my maternity leaves because we could afford for me to stay home.
But then I look at my beautiful children and husband...and remember she will never be able to have any more children and 6 years later and many men not one has stuck around....whose laughing now!

Really I am not bitter...LOL

It is mother's day and I go out of my way take my skids to the cemetary to send off balloons in memory of their recently deceased mother only to go the whole day never hearing "happy mothers day" directed at me.

That i have to work nights, at a job I hate,so I can carry the health insurance,of coarse I would walk across glass for MY children, but I also have my SS on it. His mom doesn't work and my hubby is court ordered to pick up the tab or find it for him,so eather I do this, or it comes out of our checkbook,while she sits and does NOTHING all damn day,{and i'm sure she loves every min of it} not sure who I resent more, HER, the SS, OR OUR STUPID SYSTEM (and the government)

I like the mothers day comment. I have another resentment regarding this one.

I resent that when Mothers Day rolls along (before my BD), my DH's family would call him and wish HIM happy mothers day. Saying that he plays both the mother and the father....he proudly tells him that I'm the mother in this house and that these calls should be directed to me. I was so p'd at that that when they did call me afterwards, I didn't answer. I think what they did was rude and intentional. Of all people I would think that they would appreciate all I do because it is much more than what SD's dysfunctional BM would be. But what does that matter anyway....grrr

I resent that my SDs 14 and 16 and BM have abused me, hit me, threatened me and my kids, but BF wants to have "fun" with them as a way of keeping communication open. They refuse to stay with us using me as the reason (I previously had a good relationship with the girls) I resent that he would even want to hang around people who dislike me let alone have fun with kids who hate me! I think the fun should come after they make amends, show respect and remorse! and not before. Being an entitled, self-absorbed brat should not be rewarded under any circumstances.

We all smile in the same language

Leads SD and her BM to think I should be at both their whim. That SD's not having braces yet means I'm not doing my job, when SD is sick I should be available to watch/take care of her.

I do these things for DH, because he is providing our income and not readily available.

BUT....I am also resentful at times that I am the one who is doing all the research, all the reading, all the counseling visits, all the scheduling of psych Drs, in addition to MDs for SD's mental issues. I am resentful that I have to deal with SD while DH and BM are working, that BM can pick and choose when she wishes to be involved, to what degree, and how often, where as I am the one stuck picking up the pieces of her daughter's mental state, receiving the anger misdirected, that should instead be aimed at a BM who over schedules herself so she can justify not taking visitation.

I am resentful I can't have a date with DH, because I would have to find a sitter for both BD 2 and SD who will be 14 in Jan but cannot be left home alone as she will inevitably hurt herself or someone else.

This post is way too long already...I could have a list into next month.

"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra

we couldn't afford to buy a crib and my BS3 had to sleep in a bassinet that was much too small for him for much to long because the BM couldn't be bothered to pay her part of SD's travel costs. (how's that for a run-on sentence)

when it feels like we'll never get ahead in life because any raise DH gets will end up going directly to BM.

when it appears that BS3 will always get the short end of the stick from his paternal g-ma, while SD gets spoiled.

when BS3 ends up with a half-assed b-day party again after DH and MIL went overboard on SD's birthday blow-out.

when I'm lucky if I get to see my extended family once a year while thousands are spent on SD's travel costs.

That's all for now.....

I am glad I found this website. I don't feel alone anymore because I know I have comrades who are dealing with the same feelings I am.

I resent not being taken seriously. I resent having to do all the housework while sd sits around. I resent being told I'm stupid but DH and SD. I resent having to visit DH's family all the time and when it is time to visit my family DH makes fun of the in front of the skids so sd makes fun of them too.

I asked dh if this was actually a marriage of convenience for him. I know my sister-in-law (dh's sister) was in the same situation (except she had to deal w/bm as well) and is now divorced. I told dh and he said his own sister was dumb. I beg to differ.

DH says he loves me but I wonder if he really only loves my paycheck and the coffee made before he gets up in the morning and clean clothes and a dusted house, clean bathrooms, etc. I resent doing all that too. I never get any thanks except from SS.

yournotmyrealmom

BM tells me that I need to "just be the kids' friend" and then talks out of the other side of her mouth and says that I need to be a better step parent and questions my parenting style.

I stay home with the kids because they are sick or there is a childcare issue and I don't even get so much as a thanks from BM. Yet she never takes a day off work when the kids are sick but claims that she is the one who cares for the kids when they are sick or hurt.

BM constantly sends e-mails to FH implying that I am the one who has "ruined" their parenting relationship and that I drove their former bestfriends away too.

(that) I have spent the past few years helping FH take care of skids, dealt with BM shit, use sick time/go into work late, etc and am the mother figure in FH home but I don't get so much any recognition for mother's day. Yet BM has celebrated father's day with kids and her new husband.

Am I not yet a mom until I have my own biokids?

bm doesn't pay child support and has never bought them anything essential and seems to think my husband is made of gold, but we still have to make "reasonable" efforts for her to see her kids...

I am the one here ALL THE TIME taking care of them ALL THE TIME and she can do whatever she wants, whenever she wants to, and spend her money whenever she wants to, and still demand our time and our money when I only get a break every 6 months, if that!

of ALWAYS being the bigger person.

Watching BM do as she pleases all the time and because I have taken residence on the high road, there is the expectation that I eat up her bullshit with a knife and fork.

Bon Apetit!

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley

I am resentful when BM can call FH and say this is going to go down this way and we dont have any say so. and when I ask why didnt he tell her no or that our plans superceded hers ..I get silence AAAAAAAAAAAWWWW

"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."

I resent Mother's Day as well...

First off Mother's Day is DH's weekend with SSons and Father's Day is BM's weekend with SSons - and BM won't switch weekends, period. This totally irritates me, DH knows and has tried to make changes but BM won't budge.

So each year Mother's Day revolves around BM's schedule - grrrr. She calls when she ready to see the boys for Mother's Day; translation our weekend is f@#$ed.

BUT this past Mother's Day took the cake:

My sister, who has been in a same-sex relationship for a number of years, had her son's welcoming ceremony on Mother's Day. She gave a speech in front of their congregation about: "What is a Mother." What does motherhood mean - blah, blah, blah...

I wished everyone there a Happy Mother's Day - my sister, her partner and my mother - no one wished me one in return.

Then DH and I had to leave the reception early to drop off SSons at BM's, so they could spend part of Mother's Day with BM; we also had to pick them up too.

By the end of the day I felt like a S.O.S.

I talked to my sister after and she was totally shocked that I was upset with her - cause a SM isn't really a mom. That really set me off. She of all people - it's like the pot calling the kettle black. I just don't get the mentality.

At least DH got me a card and flowers for Mother's Day. It meant a lot after what I went through with my family.

~BettyRay
________________________________________________________________
"PROBLEMS ARE ONLY OPPORTUNITIES IN WORK CLOTHES."
-Henry Kaiser

Not so much anymore, but I resented my kids getting leftovers because DH had to send that cow ex wife of his $700.00 a month. I resented people saying stupid shit like "well it's his responsibility to help care for his kids" or "well he commited to her first". Yes, HELP care for his kids, not support BM's entire household so she can sit on her ever-expanding backside and collect her "paychecks". No joke....she actually called child support her paychecks! :jawdrop:

Basically, I resented DH and I having to work hard, so that she didn't have to.

I'm resentful that I can't voice my true opinion : bio dad of 2skids only makes contact to try amf sleep with my wife and so she can't terminate perental rights. He has never baught diapers presents NOT A DAMN THING.but I camt get annoyed when he emails even though it is always bullshit. The asshole quit his job so he wouldn't have to pay child support.

Wow this is such an old thread!!! But I'll join in lol

-I resent DH paying CS in the summer when SD is here 100% of the time & we have to pay 100+ a week for summer camps/child care.
-I resent everytime BM calls & he answers when I am around. The sound of her voice irritates me.
-I resent never REALLY having that "no child" beginning of a marriage where you can do whatever you want. Our income & 40% of our time is compromised for this kid.
-I resent my inlaws trying to pretend I am SD's mom because they hate her mom. I resent them trying to tell me how to be a stepparent becuase they have never been in my shoes.
-I resent money spent on court costs
-I resent knowing that every 3 years as DH continues to make more & more & BM continues to work dead end jobs/not work at all - his CS will go up.
- I resent that SD is only 6 & there are 12 more years of this shit
-I resent SD having a bedroom in our house during the school year when she is only here 4 days a month. It's like a wasted space. I would rather it be a guest room.
-I resent that if SD wasn't alive, we would have our own bios by now because our income would be awesome.
-I resent DH paying the taxes on CS, but not being able to claim SD on his taxes.

-I regret ever trying to be friendly with BM because often times I think of conversations we had & wish I would have handled her a different way - even though now I am disegnaged & do not see or speak to her.

This sounds crazy but I literally curse the day BM was born. I certainly wish her mom would have aborted her.

-SIGH- I feel so much better now! I know it all sounds evil... but GOSH this situation is the WORST.

I feel resentful when my DH fails to set the smallest little rule or guideline for SD but is quick to help me enforce the rules and help raise my DD. I don't mind, mind you, because I want her to be respectful and caring towards him, but I wish he would put the same effort into raising his own child.

When I feel resentful I usually stop and remember it's my fault.

No really, most of the time I feel resentful it's because I did something for a child that never says thank you.

OR

I expected a favor in return for someone who I've done a ton of favors for.

ETC..

I am trying REALLY hard to let go of the things that are out of my control. Not doing something for a kid that is rude to me...in my control. Expecting my husband and my parenting to line up exactly...out of my control. ETC. I understand it's not that black and white, but it works for me

Groovetheory, You are so right!!!!

I love this thread... I RESENT

~that BM is a complete ghetto whore, but SD thinks the sun shines out of her ass

~that when SD was younger she thought it was cool to move around constantly bc the lights got turned off and she is now 13 and still doesn't get it.

~the $$ that go to the ghetto whore since she doesn't work

~ the drama BM and SD have put my young marriage through- try as she may

~that no matter how horrible she is, BM rarely is held accountable

~that I hadn't met DH sooner and put the miserable bitch in her place while SD was still young enough to maybe help

~that DH's family (PIL) are too scared to stand up to her, so when I did it became an EPIC situation

~the way SD so easily manipulates DH and he doesn't see it...yet...

~my in laws reaction whenever SD comes over. They roll out the red carpet, make all of her fave foods etc.. This child can't be bothered to see her father more than about 6x this year.

~child centric adults that let this kid choose how, when, where, what and why.

~that BM harassed me so badly and police were called, but one year later SD is still convinced I'm the bad guy and hired a fake police man to 'scare' her Mommmmmyyyyyyyyy. :sick: :sick:

Where do I begin? Ah, with the fact that my husband's two children live with us FULL TIME.

We have not been married a year but I feel everything is about his kids and their problems. Monday -- daughter's therapy, Wednesday -- family therapy, Thursday -- loser BM takes them for a couple of hours, only to have them come home hostile, un/poorly fed and disruptive. Alternate weekends give me some relief.

I love my husband but I so wish his two biological children would go live with their mother, but since she is a bipolar (undiagnosed) narcissistic, alcoholic, pill abusing, entitled train wreck it will never happen. When will these dumb gold digging whores realize that it doesn't end with popping out a baby? It sucks when I am the one responsible for all the heavy lifting for kids (and receive nothing positive in return) when I didn't bring them into this world. More annoying is how she lives in a huge house, does nothing with her life but takes in over a $100,000 a year in alimony.

I hope she overdoses soon!