I feel guilty for not wanting SD
I have a 4 year old SD who is the result of my boyfriends ex trying to 'trap' him into staying with her. She stays with us from Saturday am to Sunday am, and the odd Tuesday night. She is generally a happy girly girl, and boyfriend is a fantastic dad. There's the odd hoo-ha with ex but nothing we can't handle.
You're probably wondering why I'm posting if everything is going okay, but I just can't shake the feeling that I resent SD being around. I have never, and will never want kids because I love mine and my boyfriend's life together, we have plans to travel, build a business together and generally live life as best we can. I live in a tiny house (which is my own, my bf lives with me) and having SD here just feels like such an invasion. She talks all the time, asks constant questions, is quite loud, talks with her mouth full, interrupts every time I try and have a conversation with bf.... Basically everything that I find annoying! There's toys everywhere, our Saturday's have to revolve around what were doing with her, and I just can't help but feel it interupts the time at the weekend that I want to spend just me and my bf because our time together in the week is limited.
Ive never really liked kids and although I try to put up with SD I can't help but wish that she wasn't around. When shes here i feel pushed out and resentful of the attentiom im not getting. I feel like i go from being put first in my boyfriends eyes to being last and basically ignored. I feel so guilty and unreasonable for feeling like this because she's only a child and it's not her fault!
Will things get better? Will that maternal instinct start to kick in with her? My bf and I are soul mates so there's no chance of us breaking up. Might I just have to put up with it?