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I dread my days off work

georgina29's picture

Ive begun to dread my days off work because I no longer want to be at home. Home is not a pleasant place where I can relax. I dont enjoy being around my step kids and I no long enjoy being around my husband anymore. There have been too many issues going on for long. The biggest thing is my husband doesnt get it nor does he agree with me on parenting at all. There have been too many times when my SS has been cruel to the family dog and nothing was done. Too many times when he's faked sick and allow to stay off school watching tv and playing video games all day and whined about everything. Too many times when my step daughter was rude to me. It just got old. My husband is also incredibly unsupportive and rude at times. He has an anger problem and has yelled at me and asked me to leave when Ive pointed out some issues. I no longer am in love with him. He is a user who does not care about me. I do not love my step kids. They are not my own and are very disrespectful and rude. I would not have raised them the way they were raised.

georgina29's picture

I would rather work all day than be at home. At least at work I am appreciated and treated with respect and fondness. At least at work I am not invisible.

Amcc13's picture

Sounds like you have thought this through and know where you stand
Can you work extra shifts and make over time to prepare an escape plan

From now on all days off should be spent out of the house in a coffee shop preparing your escape
No longer live in this misery

Acratopotes's picture

G - work extra shifts and start your exiting plan Hon..... once a person realize the current situation is not working for them anymore, it's time to listen to your inner voice and get out.

If you really have to be at home, simply get headphones and retreat to your room, ignore them.

DaniAM73's picture

Aww Georgina I am so sorry. I agree with Amcc, work extra shifts if possible and make an escape plan. Also as suggested go out on your days off. Movies, spa day, bookstore, catch up with an old friend.

There is no reason for your husband to be rude, and he shouldn't be allowing the step spawns to be rude to you. I am not fond of my step children at all, so I know exactly how you feel. Put yourself first and do what needs to be done.

blueskies4me's picture

Take him up on his offer to leave.

Stop wasting your life with that abusive jerk and his feral demonspawn. LIFE IS TOO SHORT!

BE FREE.

Iamwoman's picture

Agreed with everyone's advice here. Just one thing to add:

When you leave, take the dog with you PLEASE! That poor dog doesn't deserve the abuse any more than you don't deserve it.

queensway's picture

Georgina you need to make some serious changes in your life. You can not have a true marriage if you no longer love your husband. If you feel you hate being at home because of family members it is time to move on. You simply can not live like this. You will drag yourself down and never get out if you don't face head on what is happening in your life. Can you take a vacation and get away from this situation so you can clear your head? You need to make a plan and set some goals to move forward. Move at your own pace but you need to get out to make your life better. Blueskies is right life is to short.

thinkthrice's picture

OH boy you are giving me FLASHBACKS galore! I remember feeling like this. As with the other posters, VOLUNTEER for extra work, Overtime, etc.

Save up, take the dog and fleeeeee!

Also is it possible to take the dog with you to work? Some offices/work places have dog friendly environments until such time as you can get out! My two younger skids are animal torturers too. SD19 shot my cat in the rear end with a BB gun at age 9 and never owned up to it. You can still see the BB on xray machines. SD and YSS (now 15) would shove/kick my cats, pull their tails and chase them until they were terrified. They also used to shoot the eyes out of toads.

JustMee's picture

OMG how awful. Your poor little kitties.
I fear my StbxSS7 will turn out like this. He has already shown cruelty tendencies towards animals.
I had to make damn sure he was never left alone with any of them for even a few minutes.

Peanut575's picture

Omg that's awful, your poor kitties! I wouldn't be able to promise if a kid shot my cat w a bb gun that I wouldn't turn around & shoot the kid in the bum with it... at minimum the gun would be smashed to pieces in front of them. Child or not, no one should be cruel to animals that way. My blood boils just thinking of it!

Curious Georgetta's picture

Why are you still in the household?

You no longer love your husband ,and life in the house has become intolerable for you. The person that you are no longer desires to live with the person that he always was or has became.

Whatever else he does, he does no have you chained and bound. You remain there because you choose to remain.

I am assuming that the home is his if he suggested that you leave.

If you have hopes for this relationship, you should ask him to consider marriage counseling.
If you are truly done with this relationship, you should consult a lawyer.

Whatever you decide the ball is in your court. His actions may have caused your unhappiness. But it is your inaction that is keeping you in this unhappy situation. You own your inertia; that is on you.

Take the necessary steps to reclaim control of your life.

DisengagedSm54's picture

Georgina29 Dont walk... RUN
I am having flashbacks too. I did not have steps living in the house, but everything in our marriage was geared to her success, padding her nest, anticipating whatever the next whim might be. It got sooooo old.

I no longer cared for my H because of this. When you take vows with someone, you should mean them #1 and treat them like your friend. My H yelled at me and it was a recurring thing for him to yell that we might as well get a divorce since I hated his KID. I put up with his nonsense way too long. His KID is a grown __s woman with a husband, a baby etc. I am older and felt like it was stupid for me to divorce him. I kept thinking he would see her for what she is. He did not... I really did not love him anymore for various reasons most of which were spending most of his time and effort caring and nurturing someone else besides his wife. I could have stayed and enjoyed the money, cars, vacations, but I felt like a hypocrite living with someone I did not love. I really could not stand for him to touch me so it was the right thing to do.

I finally pulled the plug last year, am on my own, and loving it. My own children are grown, living on their own, and we have been able to enjoy a wonderful relationship since I am no longer in the toxic marriage with Him and His KID...

Life is too short. Make a plan and escape, be with yourself for a while.

Curious Georgetta's picture

To disengaged SM54:

Please help me to understanding something that truly baffles me. The padding the nest complaint is one I do not understand, if as you say ,your ex had money, cars resources for vacations etc why
would it be a problem if he shared resources with his adult child? If he were providing you with homes, cars and vacations as well, how was he taking from or denying you ? Was he not padding your nest as well? Was he not making his equitable contribution to your household? Was he taking your resources and giving them to his daughter?

I can see saying to a man " you are not a good husband to me; you do not treat me with kindness and love." A man who does not treat his woman with
love and kindness with probably not treat his woman well if he were childless. It is not his daughter who dictates his behaviour; it is his character and beliefs that cause him to behave I. The way that he does.

Why are some so quick to blame the step kids for the father's behavior? There is nothing inherently
wrong with a father who has money providing gifts and resources at will for his adult children and grandchildren. There is nothing wrong with him continuing to have s close relationship with his children.

If he is not adequately providing for his wife or being loving and caring for his wife that is wrong. However, that is a failure that he owns and that should not be attributed to his daughter.
Mature healthy adults can love and care for both spouse and children. When the adult fails in one of those roles that failure belongs to the adult not his/her child.

georgina29's picture

I’m taking it into serious consideration at this point. I used to fear being alone for the rest of my life but for some reason I don’t fear this as much anymore and the days I have been alone have been amazing to say the least. I also feel my husband is jealous of the times when I am not working but I choose not to spend it with him and his children. I’ve spent time having lunch with friends at restaurants I never get to go to because the kids don’t like the food. I’ve loved it. I’ve spent days catching up with friends I haven’t seen in years. I’ve spent my own money on massages, nice meals, buying and doing things I enjoy that do not involved him nor his children. He gets very angry over this and I can sense it in his voice and behavior. I didn’t pick his kids up from school on my day off this week. Instead I booked myself a massage and had lunch at a local Italian place I love and never get to go to. He was not happy. Sorry but I didn’t feel like spending my money and time dealing with tantrums and rudeness. I also didn’t feel like spending my money for the gazliionth time on his kids eating bland subway like pigs. Sorry not sorry!

theoldredhen's picture

Disengaged, I've read your blogs and know how you suffered with a DH enmeshed with his mini (well, more like maxi, yes?) wife. How did he take your departure?

Peanut575's picture

Agree!

Acratopotes's picture

GEorgina - he begged you to come back, if you really love this man, and you are best friends (think about it and take the children out of it)

then there will be conditions he needs to follow, I did this when we broke up.

1. I'm your first priority, not your children or any one else
2. Open communication, we tell each other everything and you will not loose your temper, I see things differently , listen and you are allowed to disagree but disrespectful
3. No harsh words
4. you will support me and take my feelings into consideration
5. before you agree to something your children wants, you will talk to me about it and we will handle it together, no going behind my back
6. Your finances will be an open book and I will have full access to it, cause we are building a future spending your salary on your children and I have to pay for living is not working anymore (SO is a big spender and buys his daughter)
7. If we are invited somewhere you will not leave my, you will carry me on your hands or there will be hell... I'm your date, not your daughter.

Oh I had a long long list of everything SO does that pisses me off, and he gave me a list as well, 5 points lol which I told him, but this is nothing to do with you it's all about your daughter, I'm not sleeping with her so NO.. go back and try again..

SO gets it now, in our relationship there's 2 people, me and him... no one else... it's going better but he still slips, oh and do not move back in with him...

MelissaNY's picture

Oh god it sounds awful I'm so sorry! Mean to the family dog? I would flip out over that. When I first got divorced I dated a man with these monster kids 12yrs and 9yrs. The 9 yr old would hit is dad and swear at him and drop the F bomb. The daughter was a total B*tch and would try and undermine her dad to the point SHE called the shots in the house. Well you can guess I left that situation FAST.