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I don't want to post too much but this one will make you laugh

4ever's picture

Okay, long story short, my 12 year old stepdaughter has decided to live with her mom more right now, 70/30 instead of 50/50 for a variety of reasons that make sense for her and my husband is supporting her. The ex pushed this idea and then when my husband agreed she backpedalled but it looks like it's happening. We live in different towns about 30 miles apart and their daughter goes to the same school she's always gone to about half way between us. Some activities are in the town in between where her school is and other activities are in our town or in her mom's town. It's worked like that for five years. Anyway, here's the email my husband just got from his ex saying that maybe instead of changing their daughter's schedule we could move closer to her so it's easier for her to just stop by their daughter's after school activities whenever she misses her. Because she doesn't want to change the schedule and she doesn't want to drive to where we live to see her daughter. She never has. My husnand has always brought his daughter to his ex for her visits and he has always gone to her for his visits. So yes his ex actually said that we should move our home and our household away from our jobs and our community to make it easier for her to pop in whenever she feels like it. She actually said that. I'm speechless.

4ever's picture

Hilarious right? Of course my husband is not going to respond but he will file it away. I think he is finally realizing that she's a lunatic.

hereiam's picture

Better yet, maybe BM can just move in.

She is really delusional.

I have always preferred 30 minutes and a river in between us and BM.

4ever's picture

So weird, right? She actually suggested that we move so she can pop in and avoid giving her daughter more time. I wish we had a river but at least we have 30 miles!

Drac0's picture

Back when DW and I were fighting for custody of SS, the opposing council actually suggested "Well why doesn't Drac0 sell his home and move closer to his wife's ex-husband's town?" as a solution to the dispute of what school district SS should attend.

Wow. Are these people actually proud of that light bulb going on above their heads?

Idjits!

ChiefGrownup's picture

Gasp. Unbelievable. Hey, lawyer, why don't YOU sell your house and solve all this ex's problems?

4ever's picture

Wow, I thought it was crazy that the ex suggested it. But to have an attorney suggest that? I don't know what to say. If I were my husband I would have said 'it's living here in this town that allows me to work at a job that pays the spousal support you live off of do you really want to jeopardize that?" But she wasn't thinking. She was desperate. What's so sad is that she's desperate NOT to have her daughter with her more when her daughter has told her she wants more time. I can't imagine being a mom and making that choice especially when i knew how hard my cancer treatment was on my kid and when I'm healthy enough now to be running half marathons. There's just no excuse. its disgraceful.

4ever's picture

Totally agree. The ex did agree to taking her daughter 70/30 for a trial period of two months. My husband will have two after school visits every week and she'll be with us every other weekend with extra weeks over the summer. yes, he'll make the trip twice a week when his ex told us we should move to make it easier for her to pop in when she feels like it. Unbelieveable! I do think you're right that my stepdaughter will start to see things more clearly. I want her to always have a relationship with her mom, her mom loves her and she loves her mom. That's so important. But she's old enough to begin to see her mom more clearly. I think this move may help her with that eventually and we're cetainly done covering for her mom and playing down our own love and care for her so we dont throw her mom's laziness and selfishness into contrast. Those days are over. Were going to love her and keep being the peaceful stable home where she goes to the dentist and the doctor and has pets and lots of time with her friends and fun activities etc etc. I just hope her mom doesn't devastate her by somehow letting her know that she's not wanted.

Somuchdrama's picture

What, your life doesn't revolve around narcissistic BM? What a bad stepmom you are, you must hate the skids Blum 3

4ever's picture

What does Golden Uterus mean? My stepdaughter has already told her mom and my husband that she wants to live with her mom and visit us every weekend. Her mom said no to every weekend so we're going to try every other weekend. My husband is going to have to after school visits every week. So I guess what you saw coming is already happening! The ex is very reluctant and my husband thinks it won't last long. There's manipulation going on but there's also the natural gravitation of a girl toward her mom at this age and also her mom just finished treatment for cancer. So we're hoping that this is a natural and understandable phase and that my husband will be able to stay connected to his daughter to withstand any alienation if that's what's going on. What do you think?

4ever's picture

The last week sucked, no doubt but it sucked bad enough to create a change. My husband and I are meeting with the family counselor next week to create a plan to streamline communication with the ex to emails only, essentials only. I think its pretty much going to be my husband telling his ex this is the way its going to be and then doing it but the counselor might have a few tips for us to manage the fallout. And you're right about getting the focus back on us last night my stepdaughter stayed at a friend's house and my husband and I had margaritas out on the porch and then had a long, enjoyable very adult night (if you catch my meaning). We're going out to lunch and will not mention her name. Its heavenly.

Rags's picture

BM is obviously a manipulative idiot. Now, why would anyone allow a 12yo to make their own custodial parent decision? 12yo's don't even get opinions much less make these types of decisions.

IMHO of course.

4ever's picture

My husband is listening to his daughter right now because she's not a flighty kid and this is the first time in 7 years that she's metnioned wanting to change her schedule. Her mom just finished cancer treatment and my husband told his daugther when that started last fall that if she ever wanted more time with her mom, it was okay with him. That time has come and my husband worked with his ex to make that happen for his kid. Every situation is different and i agree that children shouldn't be allowed to change their living situation willy nilly but for us this makes sense for her, not that its easy.

4ever's picture

My husband is listening to his daughter right now because she's not a flighty kid and this is the first time in 7 years that she's metnioned wanting to change her schedule. Her mom just finished cancer treatment and my husband told his daugther when that started last fall that if she ever wanted more time with her mom, it was okay with him. That time has come and my husband worked with his ex to make that happen for his kid. Every situation is different and i agree that children shouldn't be allowed to change their living situation willy nilly but for us this makes sense for her, not that its easy.

4ever's picture

That sounds familiar. No integrity. Always a moving target. I wouldn't believe it unless we'd exeprienced it too!