I don’t recognize myself anymore
In other posts my background I have 2 young children with H older one has autism. I don't think H is cut out for marriage. It's his way or the Highway. His daughter and blood relatives have always come first. For 8 years I have taken the back seat and for roughly 4 years I played free babysitter and doormat. Every issue turns into me being a horrible human being that's taken him away from his daughter. BM is typical used their kid as a weapon just wanted money and free time. She's honestly created a lot of issues and to boot his family loves her and dislikes me. I don't want anything to do with them. The past few years I'm disconnected, I don't have sexual desire and I feel no empathy for my husband anymore. I have sex with him out of obligation to keep him from cheating not that it will stop him. I'm on autopilot. We've separated several times and each time I've had to beg him to come home to me and his other kids. He told today that I'm a shell of a person. He's right I am I didn't realize how draining the life is. All the giving and getting nothing in return. We talked about retirement and he's basically told me where he wants to go and that he's going with or without me. Then proceeds to tell me BM and SD are moving there too. I don't want this. For the past 8 years BM has lived roughly 10 min away from us which she's always calling for something. I told him today I need space from her when his daughter is an adult. I get he wants to be close to her even as an adult but I want my own life. I don't want her dictating where we live. I want like an hour distance. We don't need to be neighbors well now I'm a horrible person he's on the couch. He called me stupid said I was paranoid and crazy. Then he told me that "nobody controls him" when it's a lie BM and SD has been controlling him for years. He's probably going to sleep the couch until I run to him begging for forgiveness. Every time I do this I hate myself even more. I've heard from others that this type of family drains you. Does anyone else feel drained.