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"I can admit I act like a brat when..."

BellaMia's picture

Oh, just admit it already: As the SM/SD, there are moments when you grow tired of having to share your spouse, your money, your space, etc... Most of us are self-actualized enough to know this. But do you ever lose it? Do you ever give in to the throes of jealousy/frustration and act like a giant brat, replete with tantrums?

Well, dammit, I have... And the odds are decent that I will again. For instance:

DH got me candy for Valentine's Day. I had made goodies bags for the Skids AND they of course got candy at their V-Day party at school. I just about lost my shit when SS11 wanted to eat what DH gave me. MINE!!! Lol... Juvenile, I know. But, dammit, I get sick of sharing EVERYTHING!

It makes me want to scream when DH will play video games with my SS's for hours on end. I know they need "Daddy and Me" time and I support that, but it still irks the hell out of me.

So what ridiculous and immature reactions do you have in your step situation? It might be good to laugh at our moments of insanity...

RaeRae's picture

I give him the silent treatment when he starts favoring SD9 over everyone else in the house. When he minimizes my gripes about her, because he doesn't think it's important. I don't throw fits, but he has gone a few days without words. And I hate that. I know he's going through hell and he's still concerned about the future for his kids. But somehow my mind justifies it at the time.

BellaMia's picture

Oh, I can only imagine. I bit my tongue, grinned and beared ONE Christmas with DH's ex. ONE, dammit... That will never happen again because she later proved that she remains a psychopath...

No your limits and keep those boundaries. I wouldn't give a damn WHAT my 28-year-old Skid said about it.

BellaMia's picture

But if you're not a bitch, you run the risk of getting trampled. Bitch on, I say... Heehee...

notamum's picture

I spat my dummy when OH told me we couldn't got to my Dad's 60th birthday dinner because we would have SS. I just completely lost it, screaming and crying like a child. It was like whatever was important to me was irrelevant and the arrangements for his weekend of having his son couldn't be changed. I went completely OTT but I just thought he was being completely unreasonable.

boogeymom's picture

PREACH. IT. My Skids do the same thing! They want to snack and snack on junk all day long and then when it comes time for an actual meal, they can barely finish it. DH actually gets more upset about this than I do since he's SO uptight about wasting money, AND he doesn't like them junking out, so we're at least on the same page. Admittedly, SS9 is actually much better about eating meals than SS11 is, so mostly it's just SS11, but SS9 eats just as much junk food. He will literally eat MAYBE half of his dinner and then say he can't eat another bite, and then 10 minutes later be rummaging through the cupboards wanting chips or some junk like that. And I mean literally that soon after dinner when he was "so full!" I'll say, "Well, your food from dinner is still available, I haven't washed dishes yet if you're hungry." I told DH we should play a joke on them and get a safe for all of the junk food, thus forcing them to at least snack healthy (which I wish he would do anyway since I don't need the junk lying around for myself either). I would find this to be totally acceptable and if they didn't finish their meals, at least they're not full of crap. I will say, though, that my tantrum bitchy thing is when they try to eat the food that I buy for myself (DH and SS's are all high metabolism...I'm not overweight, but I'm also not lucky and I have to watch it, thus special food), I have a total bitch fit and tell them they're not to touch anything of mine in the fridge EVER. If they think it's mine, they'd better ask, and they know I'm going to say no. Hmph, MY food! MINE!!!!

BellaMia's picture

It literally makes me sick to my stomach at times when I watch Skids eat dinner. SS11 picks through and analyzes EVERYTHING. I feel like lobbing a loaf or bread, a jar of jam and some peanut at his head and screaming, "Then fix your own damn dinner!"

SS7 is even more picky. And when he's done, the rude, attention-whoring little brat jumps up and shouts, "I'M DONE!" Before his father would just let him run off, where he would start playing video games. Um, pardon me! Sit your little ass down and wait for the rest of us to finish. Thank you very much... *sharpening up my little horns hidden amid my head full of curls*

Tmoore's picture

"Then fix your own damn dinner!"

LOL...did tht not to long ago...I was making dinner and when the skids are not here DH is about about my kids eating what is served, and i am ok with that. The one night SS11 was here and DH was like well he doesnt like that...WTF. I stopped cooking (yep left the cooking food on the stove cooking) and yell Fix your own damn dinner to everyone standing there, we to my room and laid in bed.

somerg's picture

sd 15 keeps lying and making ME look like the jack ass when really SHE IS THE JACK ASS. dh doesn't ever do anything immediately i have to remind him over and over again.

as long as she continues to make me look like the jack ass, i will be the jack ass on the EOW and not include HER on my "family outings" especially since she's old enough to stay home.

also BOTH skids treat dh like SHIT and until they quit treating him as "a way out of bm's house" i will continue to make our "family outings" without them and PURPOSELY schedule it on weekends they are NOT with us

BellaMia's picture

The other day, SS11 and SS7 were playing upstairs. I was cleaning when I ran across a toy where it didn't belong. I didn't know to whom it belonged so I went to the bottom of the stairs and called up to the kids. I said, " You guys, whose is this and where does it belong?"

Well... My darling skids are too precious and busy to put down the video games long enough to walk 20 feet to the top of the stairs to come see what I'm talking about. So they holler down, "What is it? Whose is WHAT?!?!"


Is that right? Into the trash it went! They came downstairs shortly after and asked me what I was talking about and I ignored them.

nickisan's picture

LOL I do the same thing with my son 3, and ss7 and sd9. IF it's not in it's place or it's left downstairs when the skids go to their mom, it goes in the trash! they hate it!

Unhappy's picture

I usually don't throw fits but I did the weekend before last.

SO had spent all day catering to his kids and I mean all day. At one point earlier in the day he even metioned to me that it was like he hadn't seen me all day when I hadn't even left the house. As soon as his kids get there is daddy daddy daddy all day. It drives me nuts. It reminds me of when a mother bird lands on her nest and the baby birds just freak out screaming their heads off. So evening rolls around and I'm in the kitchen doing some research on my laptop and he asks me to come and sit with him on the couch. I say okay and go into the living room. When I got in there his BD(6) is laying across the love seat leaning up against him. So I sat on the other couch. SO looks at me and says come over here and sit next to me so I get up walk over to the couch and his BD just stares at me. I then ask her to move so that I can sit down. She moves clear over to the edge of the love seat and begins with the manipulation. Looking sad and lonely. My BD(6) wants to sit with us but she won't sit next his BD because she's mean to her so I told her she could sit on my lap. Manipulation increases from SO's BD. SO notices and says come and sit between us BD. As soon as she did I got up and moved to the other couch. SO gets upset, which quite frankly I don't care, while his manipulative little BD is staring me down. I had to ask her to knock it off twice before he finally had to tell her to stop.

What's the point of telling me that you want to spend time together and then having his BD sit between us plus he catered to her all day. The only time I get is after they go to bed and then he wonders why I want to disengage when they are there. I especailly liked his comment about how he doesn't want a part time wife. Really?!! Because I'm getting a part time husband. We get his kids every other week. What I'm saying is about wanting to disengage is the same thing that's happening now, I'm just choosing to be ignored instead.

And for him and his kids when they piss me off, "Nanie nanie boo boo go stick your heads in doo doo."

snoopyinoz's picture

My bratty moment was when SD 10 got into the "because I WANT to" attitude, so I went into her room and started throwing her papers, books, clothes off the dresser, stripped her bed and when she started throwing a fit and ask "WHYYYYYYY" (In her whiny tone) I looked her square in the eye and said "Because I WANT to" Childish I know, but amazingly she hasn't gotten that attitude since then.

cnd62107's picture

i admit i am bratty when it rolls around to 12, 1, 2, even 3AM (since it's summer) and SD7 is STILL UP looking over my shoulder while i'm on my laptop asking "what's that?" "who's that?" or talking over whatever show we're trying to watch "why did he do that?" "what's that mean?" eventually i get fed up enough and look at FH and just say his name with a look on my face like COME ON. and he will FINALLY tell her to go to bed. he never does it on his own until she gets me to the point i can't take it anymore and i have to say something. if she's going to be up until 3am, when EXACTLY is there going to be time for an adult conversation/interactions?

i'm sure SD knows exactly what i mean when i make the comments to my FH and can't stand the fact that in effect I have to be the one to send her to bed, but i don't's 3 freaking am!!!!

supernewbieSM's picture

I think I'm having one right now. I turn into a woman of few words. I don't want either of them around (DH or SD8).

I do have mixed feelings about acting this way because we got married just one week ago! Oy.

SD8 hijacked our wedding night with whiny babyish pouty manipulative tears. Wouldn't stay with babysitter (whom she chose). Wouldn't stay with grandparents. Demanded that my DH and I put her to bed over and over again for hours.

By the time we got to the snazzy hotel (that I had to pay for)....zzzzz. So much for that.

Thing is, I was comfortable with how we handled it in the moment. It felt like the right thing to do. Our being married is a big deal for her and worth some gentleness.

But now I'M FUMING.

And my DH is sitting in her room until she falls asleep. Which she demands EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.

Is she too old for that, you think?

My bratty moment is coming on....

windee's picture

Well, right now I am having a fit b/c my DH just sent me text that BM cannot pick up THEIR child, so now I have to. And I DON"T WANT TO! *Stomp feet!!!!!!* Smile I also get upset when I buy DH something and SS just HAS to ask if he can eat it or use it! DH doesn't even get to eat/use it! PISSED ME OFF among many things!!!

oceangirl3's picture

It seems kids these days have zero idea of what boundaries are. I have disengaged from SD11 because of her antics. I don't really care if I come across mean to her. I just tell her like it is and that she is not allowed in our bedroom, the living room is not her personal space and she is not allowed to snoop through our things with out asking permission. She has zero chores or rules at her mother's house. I will not allow her to come here and run MY house. I finally got over feeling bad if I hurt her feelings. Tough luck to her, she is a KID!!! She needs to learn her place in this house and that it does not revolve around her and that she is the CHILD in the house! Whatever happened to using tough love to raise a kid?! I was raised this way and I turned out just fine. SD11 definitely gets tough love from me and she will learn she is not an adult and she has no say or control over what goes on in this house. I hate to say it, but it is not a democracy here. She is the kid and we are the ADULTS!!! End of story.

I feel your pain with throwing a fit. I want to do that nearly everyday SD11 is here. I just disengage and send her elsewhere. No free ride here and MY BF is not her BF!

BellaMia's picture

Dammit, I HATE that! Say "excuse me," and even then ONLY if it can't wait until we are done talking! But H, who thinks the world revolves around his little princes, can't ever seem to remember to remind his brats about that. So here comes Bad Cop (me) to do the reminding... I hate being the bitch, but I'm left without options more often than not. Left up to H and their mothers, these skids are going to be some screwed up teens and adults.

nickisan's picture

MY sd8 does it ALL the time! When I'm on the phone she'll hang around just staring at me listening when I finally tell her "get out ur a kid go away." also when my family is over or we go to their homes, she insists on standing smack damn in the middle of a group having a conversation. Almost like trying to get all the attention. Apparently her mother is the same annoying way, but geez. I simply tell her to remover herself from the adults and that she's so damn rude. My ss7 does it as well, but his autism allows him a little more slack from his father, but NOT ME!

purpledaisies's picture

My brat moment was when ss15 (9 at that time) said I didn't feed him and he did not eat all day and that he was sick b/c of it. :O

I cooked breakfast and lunch and put it on the table, told them to come eat. Now I do not force anyone to eat including my kids if they eat they eat if not then they have to wait for the next meal and no snacking. Well ss15 (9at that time) did not eat said he was not hungry. I said ok.

Dh got home and he told his dad that I did not feed him I threw the biggest hissy you ever saw! I told dh that I would NEVER again cook for him if that is how he is going to act! Apparently his mom would make him eat. It was like this -ss15 will do what he wants and he has learned that he can ignore you if he wanted b/c bm would pick him up and put him at the table. So he did the same thing with me and ignored me so I could continue to play b/c he thought I would come over and pick him up and put him at the table and make him eat. Can we say food issues which he does have. But I have never made a big deal about food. Anyway that is one in a long list of things such as the boys have no concept of time b/c they were never allowed to time themselves on the game systems or anything for that matter. or was told ok it 8 pm time for bed it was just it is bed time now. See what I'm saying??

roseslady2's picture

Mine are almost all about our week off. Pretty regularly, SS10 will want to come over while he's supposed to be at her house for the week. We only live a block away from each other, so it's convenient. I haven't had to throw that fit for a while lately because DH has let him come, but he has to sit in the living room and watch TV or play outside. DH has worked hard lately to give me my time. Smile I love that man. Since he's gotten on some new supplements, he's been much nicer.

BellaMia's picture

I have to say things are almost always BEST/BETTER before you say "I do." So if things are rocky now, I would say hold off. Talk with a family counselor and see if you guys can find your rhythm BEFORE you wed... (I wish I had done that. Paying the price for going against my gut now...)

cpreston's picture

I've been acting like a 'brat' a lot lately... I toss out restaurant leftovers that SS26 or his g/f leave in the fridge... they take up too much room for REAL food,
I took 12 bottles of some fancy expesnive beer out of the fridge and put them on SS's shelf in the pantry in the garage... where it's like 90 degrees on a hot day... again, MY fridge, taking up room for food that I bought

If their clothes are in the washing machine and I need to use it, I just take them out and put them in a basket

I will give extra cuddling to my husband when either of them are in the room

I've been purposefully NOT correcting my BD12 for bad behavior, and when my husband questions it, I tell him she learned it from SS and HE gets to act that way!

hbell0428's picture

I have so many these days with my SD14 - that I loose it when she does anything. The lies are what gets me - I KNOW she did it and she'll turn to daddy and he just lets it go..........I am not raising her kid!!

overit2's picture

HAHA-I pulled back one of the last big fireworks because she was hogging ALL of them-including my sons, and picked all the big ones (couldn't even light them anyway pffft) and then I pulled away the 2nd large one and said...LOOK I paid for these, and I think your dad and I get to light the grand finale big ones, you've had more then enough! YEP, yanked it right out of her greedy hands lol. That was me, on a 10yr old level lol

BellaMia's picture

LMAO!! Too dang funny! These bratty skids really do make you revert at times! I feel your pain...

the_stepmonster's picture

I threw a tantrum over cheese the other day. When SD4 is at BM's she eats nothing but rice pudding and cheese and BM does not attempt to ever feed her real food. The poor child is constantly constipated. Since I am a reasonable adult and don't think children should dictate their diets, when SD4 is over I attempt to feed her well balanced meals which, surprise surpise, she is capable of eating and even enjoys. DH knows that we should be feeding her properly and enforced the healthy snack rule when I am there.

On this special day, however, DH was working from home while taking care of the skids. I planned on making them cheese enchiladas for dinner, but when I got home from work, lo and behold, there was a minuscule amount left because every time SD4 said "i want cheese" he got up and gave it to her. Almost an entire block! So I put all the ingredients away and went to the bedroom and watched Teen Mom while they fended for themselves.

mommyandstepmommy2011's picture

I insisted that SD not be allowed in the bedroom. I didnt want to have to rush to cover up after showers and I wanted a place in the home that was my own.

3terriers's picture

Biggrin LOL. Seems a bunch of us here are cut from the same cloth. A year or so ago I proclaimed the end of Easter baskets and Christmas stockings since so many items got left behind, attempted to be retuned, or trotted out at yard sales. Don't worry prince SS17 and princess SD14 get plenty of nice things.

Wish2Bdramafree's picture

Worst bitchy moment ever: after canceling our plans to go calm down crazy BM earlier in the day, he later has to call her AGAIN and when I get frustrated about it, he says "you don't understand being a parent." ...Full on tantrum, threw phone, and called him every name in the book!!! Serves him right, I say... }:)

Betty79's picture

My last bratty moment was when I went to sit next to my DH on the couch to watch a movie SS7 slid over to DH side and said "He's MY Daddy." So I sat on DH lap and smirked. OMG, I'm 31 years old...who is this immature bitch inside of me?

jaohlund's picture

OMG! I love that I am not the only bratty one! Immature yes, but I still love it! I truly believe if we couldn't be bratty every now and then, we would all be insane!
My bratty moment was last week...I was just so irritated with the fact that I was working my *ss off while SS12 slept the day away. Yes, I know I could've made him get up - but to honest, the quiet is so much better sometimes!
He finally pulled himself out of bed, spoke not one word to me and went to take a shower. Coincidentally (or not!) my next load of laundry was the whites - in hot water! Sorry about the short shower honey!

The Other Mother's picture

*waves* Hi, I'm new here. Still trying to catch onto the lingo. But I digress.

My 5 year-old stepson is a terror, and this is a recent development. From what I understand, he's never been this problematic with any of his mother's past relationships. He's slept in his own bed consistently for over a year now. Since I've arrived permanently in the household, there's been a serious property issue in which he insists that the side of his mother's bed where I sleep is HIS side of the bed. According to BM, he never slept there to begin with. When we first got together, she insisted things like this would never be an issue as he is " a big boy who will have to handle things like one." Well, several terrible nights on the couch have proved otherwise. I'm so sick of her giving into EVERYTHING he demands JUST to shut him up! I mean, aren't there better ways to handle this that DON'T involve rewarding him for bad behavior or knots in my back?!

EVERYTHING in the household has become "his." It's "his" house. "His" TV. "His" fork and plate and food. There have been nights that I've forgone eating just to keep the peace because he didn't give me permission to eat and I don't need another nervous meltdown from his mother. Even my personal property, such as my iPad, is his because it's in his house. This sh*t is getting ridiculous- will it ever end?! Sometimes, I just can't take it anymore and I blow up at his mother and throw a tantrum of my own that usually involves, "If you don't straighten this sh*t out, I'm getting the f*ck out!!" or, "This is MINE, my skin is MINE, this side of the bed is MINEEEEE and I'M NOT F*CKING MOVING!" It makes me feel like an asshole, but it feels great to get it out as it's spewing from my mouth.

BellaMia's picture

H travels for work A LOT. He's been gone for about 8 days out of the last two weeks, just to give you an idea of how much he can be gone. When he came back from his trip last week, he had a DVD with him. He gave it to SS7 and said, "Hey, I brought you something back from my trip!"

Now, call me spoiled. Call me a bitch. Call me a spoiled bitch. I don't really give a damn. But I have told him a bazillion times that when he goes out of town, I want something. It could be a book, an inexpensive piece of jewelry, a bag of my favorite snack, etc... I don't care if he grabbed it from the gift shop five minutes before his return flight or from the gas station on the drive home. But I want SOMETHING to let me know you give a shit and appreciate the untold bullshit I put up with from you and yours. So to NEVER get anything, despite my request, and to hear him tell SS that he brought him something back... I was pissed. I didn't yell, curse, fight, etc... I simply called him on his bullshit.

So he's on his way back home today. He tells me, "I bought you something but the line to check bags was too long and so I had to carry my bag on and they took your gift because it was liquid."

Kiss. My. Ass.

Sigh... On the one hand, I appreciate the thought. But another, bitchier part of me wants to say, "Well, if you would get to the airport at a decent time instead of missing flights OFTEN... you might not run into issues like that!!!!!" And then he, of course, blames it all on the airport, citing that if they had just been more efficient, the lines wouldn't have been so long. Oh, and he missed his flight anyway. SO FRUSTRATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK. I'm done. For now.

CalgonTakeMeAway's picture

I really like it too! I usually say very little when I'm mad cuz I don't want to say something I'll regret, but I know it's just a matter of time! Now I don't feel like such a jerk when I have feelings like you are all expressing!

cat72196's picture

All I EVER hear is how nothing is ever good enough for my boyfriend's kids. They waste SO MUCH of my food, I literally want to cry sometimes. My own kids don't have a problem with anything I cook, but for god's sake, these skids can tear a simple damn ham and cheese sandwich apart and find SOMETHING wrong w/it-- and yes, I mean literally tear their food apart, making a disaster of their plates @ EVERY meal. Complain nonstop about one thing or another they don't like about it.

Anyway, boyfriend and I HAVE discussed this. He knows damn well I can't afford to be throwing perfectly good food away, and w/6 kids b/w us, it is A LOT of FOOD we're talking about. Nothing has changed, and he should at least be concerned how hurt my f'ing feelings get w/their rude remarks!

This last weekend, his daughter (7) was told to pick a piece of fruit to eat (picnic dinner @ a park, I had packed oranges, apples, grapes and peaches.) She very deliberately picked out an apple, nobody held a gun to her head. Two bites into the thing and yup, here we go: lip curled up into a sneer, "DAAADDY, I don't LIKE this apple!" And he fucking TAKES it out of her hand w/o even saying a word!

I lost it, total brat-style: "It's a FUCKING APPLE, there's NOTHING wrong with it, I JUST bought it on Thursday, it's a PERFECTLY GOOD FUCKING APPLE!!" Normally I would never curse like that in front of the kids or even get in boyfriend's face in front of them. I just snapped. And do you know this asshole had the nerve to get right BACK in my face?! Said something to the effect of, "Okay, so do you really need to make that big of a deal?!" OMG, yes!!!! When I consistently watch your kids throw out 75% of MY FOOD that they're given, sorry pal. There's bound to be a "last straw."

cat72196's picture

That's awful, and I totally agree with you. I'm sure I'll get to that point if/when we all live together; for now, we rarely all get together, so I kill myself to provide great meals AND entertainment to these kids, and I always end up feeling used, abused and disrespected.

BTW, I'm pretty sure part of the prob is that they go out to eat a lot w/BM, and I think they go to buffets a lot. Ya know, free-for-all, grab whatever looks good, and if you don't like it, send the whole plate back. No big deal, right? Well guess what, this ain't no damn buffet. Blum 3

BellaMia's picture

"Screw them, they can eat paper towels for all I care."

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG!!! I love this! SS12 has also been raised on candy and Ramen. He's actually come around a bit when it comes to food. Amazing what making your own damn peanut butter and jelly sandwich for dinner (when you don't want to eat MY delicious, homemade food) will do for you...

Now? I only cook when H is home. If he's out of town on business, I'm off dinner duty. I make breakfast (either cereal or toast and turkey bacon) and lunch (some sort of sandwich and fruit and vegetables) at home and that's it. I refuse to make dinner for two people who won't appreciate it. And I DARE H to utter so much as one fucking syllable about the daily charges for his angels' dinners... I would love to scream at the top of my lungs, "THEN STAY HOME AND COOK FOR 'EM!"

BellaMia's picture

I don't blame you one bit for flying off the handle! I would stop considering them! Get whatever kind of sandwich fixings they will eat (pb&j, for instance) and some bread. Let them make the damn sandwiches themeselves or their father can do it. But I would NOT take food out of MY baby's mouth to let a fucking INGRATE mess over it and throw it away. I would FLIP! He's lucky that you haven't blacked out and gone off long before now.

moeZy99's picture

I feel so much better for the immature rant I had last week while camping. My ss9 and my DH are clones. They will get each other going on this laughter kick over nothing. It's cute for about a minute then it is fucking annoying. Anyway, about 11pm in a full campground where everyone can hear everyone else's business, they start in on this thing and my ss is crawling all over my husband in a tent built for two (3 in it, 4 counting my canine baby). After a couple of minutes, I said that it was quiet time and to please calm down as other people were trying to go to bed & quiet hours started at 10pm. That made them go even harder and louder. I just started to get more pissed. I am a VERY patient person but I had just had it. At that point, it was about the longest I had been w/my ss, he has been around since he was 2. My DH said "Who doesn't like a child's laughter?". I guess that would be me, evil sm after it goes on for 5 minutes, now 10 minutes. At that point, I was past being nice and I left the tent after snapping at them that they were being downright rude. I waited for them to fall asleep before I would go back in. They still were at it for another 10 minutes, albeit a little less energetically and quieter. I am still aggravated when I think of it.