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I called it

Disillusioned's picture

So every year in recent years, around our anniversary, DH & I receive a card in the mail from SIL

Now at first this confused me, since she has always made it clear through her passive-aggressive not altogether 'subtle' behavior that she didn't much like me and has never really accepted the relationship between DH & I

But after getting to know SIL over the years, I've seen how she actively participates in a lot of game-playing hurtful behavior towards me, always believing I'm sure that she was just subtle enough for DH not to notice but enough for me to feel uncomfortable and unwelcome

The card I think makes her beleive that DH thinks she really is being kind and accepting of me/his relationship with me and that if he thought maybe she wasn't (or if I was saying she wasn't, was rude, not nice, mistreating me, etc..) that DH would think none of that was the case because hey, his sister was nice enough to mail us an Anniversary card

And I have to admit, until recently it did have that affect - DH would say, "hey we got an anniversary card in the mail from my sister - that was nice of her!" "We need to call her to say thank you!" (however, although DH was pleased to receive the card he never did miss her treatment of me, that he was totally on to, even more so than me) but he still was always fooled into thinking maybe she wasn't so bad, when the card would arrive 

Anway, a few weeks back DH mentioned that we probably wouldn't receive the annual card from SIL and when I asked why he said because of what happened at OSD's (when OSD said she was blocking DH/us from her life due to him finally standing up to her and SIL with their nasty behavior and game-playing nonsense towards DH and most espeically me) 

When DH said this to me, that he didn't think SIL would send a card this year (not that he actually cares about the card but it was more a statement about how he and his sister will probably never talk again) I said don't worry, she'll send the card

DH asked me why I thought that, and I said because her style will be to pretend like nothing happened. Like she had absolutely nothing to do with the blow-up that resulted, nothing to do with the tension filled visit, and nothing to do with OSD flipping out on DH and blocking him from her life and that of sgkids

This way, perhaps SIL thinks she won't be blamed for causing any of this 

Maybe she also thinks that everything will just keep going as if this didn't happen and she'll be free to continue playing her hurtful damaging games

Sure enough, right on schedule the card arrives

It was a very cheap not very appealing card LOL (not that I care, just saying) and she wrote nothing on it (didn't even address it to us by our names haha) and just little more than signed her name on the bottom, but still sure as I knew it would arrive it did

Got her number 

After all these years, while it took me a while LOL, I caught on to how she thinks

Unlike all the other years though in the past, this time DH did not say "how nice" or even suggest that we call his sister. Instead he said he wasn't acknowledging it, he didn't care, and didn't want to talk with her

So, we left it at that 

somethingwicked's picture

Stick it back in the envelope ,tape it shut and write "ReturnTo Sender"

EFF that manipulative Crazy B!tch.

Time to go radio silence with this bunch of degenerates.

The grands may very well be a lost cause, if not now,later as they age and  become weaponized  and PAS'd out by the bitter lies as told by the crazy parents and SIL. No one can fix crazy that refuses treatment. 

LIke Ex Julie wrote in your last post, Dis, find  other activities,interests and people that will fill your hearts.

Be glad that you both now are free of dealing with  those hugely manipulative,devisive ,creepy and anxiety producing "Family Gatherings"..more like The Addam's Family.

Rejoice that you no longer have a responsibility to maintain  ties with these people who are so corrupt and hateful and are not shy to expose their black hearts. How bizarre their behavior. And tell DH keep his wallet c.l.o.s.e.d. Sometime or at some point one or all  will be beseeching him for a "loan"that never gets paid back.Bet me.





Disillusioned's picture

Good advice somethingwicked...yes I'm not missing them or any of it. 

I do think they just won't give up though, they have too much fun with their misguided revenge-filled tactics

But DH is probably even more determined than I at this point, to have absolutely nothing to do with them, or respond to any of it

He's really disengaged!

Mountains's picture

None of DH family has ever recognized our anniversary, but we do get the occasional Christmas card addressed to “The Mountains”....not Mr. and Mrs. .... not by our with a signature at the bottom.  It took my DH a while to see it for what it was - a box to be checked so they can feel good about themselves.

SD has kept gskids from DH for five years now - won’t send pictures or have them call except on Christmas for five minutes.  Recently, she wrote requesting we turn over financial assets to her to fund gskids college.  That was a huge lump for my DH to swallow.  But, it totally opened his eyes to her manipulative tactics.  

Sorry to hear you and your DH are going through this but am glad he seems to have your back. 

Disillusioned's picture

Wow your sd really has never Mountains! 

Good for your DH for seeing through things Smile

Thanks for your support!!