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I am not sure I am cut out for this

round2's picture

Hi, I am new here and like most newbies I read posts for a while before joining. I can empathize with what many of you are going through.

My details - I am a BM to three kids, S16, D14, D8 and an almost stepmom to SD8. My fiancé and I live together, we just bought a house and had it remodeled. His daughter is very spoiled and she grates on my nerves. He of course thinks she arrived on a rainbow, with doves flying out from her backside and everything she does is precious. Gag.

She does all the classic step kid shit - not speaking to me when spoken to, glaring at me, refusing to eat what I cook, (one night she even cried because she was made to eat fresh sugar snap peas)tattling on my D8, etc etc. She is spoiled, entitled, messy and overweight. For some reason that last one bugs me a lot. It irritates me that neither parent is worried that an 8 year old has a gut that hangs over her pants. But I am the mean one for making fresh veggies.

The BM is a pain too, she has gotten better in the last 6 months, but I am always ready for a reoccurrence of her craziness. I don't trust her as far as I can throw her fat ass.

I love my fiance' - he is great with me and my kids BUT his child and the shift in his personality when she is at our house is making me question what I have done. I will not set a wedding date and when he asks me why - I always tell him we have too much going on right now to plan a wedding. I think I can put him off for a at least 2 years! By then I will know (I hope).

Anyway, this site is great. I have appreciated the humor, candor, feedback and knowing that my life is not the only one set on edge because of one short person.

round2's picture

Thanks - I am a super strict Mom with my kids. I expect good table manners, even at breakfast. That may sound silly but that is when kids are the laziest. My kids will eat 90% of what I put on the table - I have one that regularly requests brussel spouts! I always make sure there is enough stuff they like on the table when I introduce something new, etc.

She also eats with her hands constantly and it is so gross. Who doesnt correct a child that eats with her hands. She also cannot get her food in her mouth without making a huge mess - it is like eating with a toddler. And forget ice cream - it is so gross I leave the room.

As for her being overweight, they were told a year ago that she was heavy and they needed to limit processed food and white flour. Have they done it? Nope, neither one of them. It is intersting now that we live together because I do the grocery shopping and refuse to buy anything but whole wheat flour products.

I am not sure about marriage - we are both professionals and I make enough money to support myself and my kids so there really is no compelling reason to make it legal. I am 42 and have three bio's so I dont wat anymore kids. Of course Princess PIA (thats what my friends call her) would be devastated if she has to share "her dad".

Am I the only who that just makes crazy?? Where's my dad, I need to ask my dad a question, etc. One day I looked at her and said - he is not property, quit referring to him like you own him.

Give me strength....

round2's picture

My fiance has a raging sweet tooth so when I dont buy it, he will go get it. I told my kids dessert every other day and fruit after dinner on the others if they still wanted something. He refuses to follow the same process with his kid. Ok, keep buying her bigger clothes genius.

He also doesnt think it is ok for the kids to have a set of rules that is different than the parents. It blows my mind - why do I have to justify anything to your kid?? Why do I have to even consider taking her when I go get a pedicure? I keep my nails done as part of my professional image, not so I can drag your kid in for a $20 pedi that she will pick off in 2 days. So frustrating.

Believe it or not, he really is great. He became a dad late (40) and doesnt know that indulging kids to this extent is harmful. His family was a mess so he thinks overcompensating with stuff and indulgence is being better than his dad.

janeyc's picture

It is a great shame that this girl is overweight because her lazy mother can't be bothered to feed her decent food. This sounds like a classic case of guilt parenting to me, your Sd should abide by the same rules as your kids, the rules of the house, I went through this, in the end I threatened to leave, we talked things through and things are much better, no wonder this girl grates on your nerves, the way she behaves is disgusting, my Bf just did'nt know what to do when his daughter misbehaved, by God she was horrible, now he is parenting her properly, she is a different girl, a child needs to know their boundaries, so my advice is to speak to your fiancee, after all her behaviour could rub off on your children and you have every right to speak up about that, as well as her attitude to you, which she does because she can get away with it, phew its never easy being a step parent, its my second time, good luck.

Redfire04's picture

I have similar issue with SS14 who won't eat my food, is lazy, hi room is one huge mess that smells like you know what and the dog he has doesn't help. Even though his mother makes him eat cooked dinners he is disengaged from conversation, when he does talk is about suicide and/or he turns his body away from me and my kids D8 and D12 to the point where my kids ask why he is always facing away from the table. I believe all this is caused by hom being the only child in the house until now and doesn't know how to cope with sharing his mother with us. The same may be your case?