How would you handle this?
Ok like a lot of you on here I have Spolied disrespectful rude step kids who think The world revolves around them. To make it even worse I’m dealing with a Disney dad who sees NO wrong in his Angels behavior.
Yesterday was a beautiful day and we made plans to go to the state mountain park with SS and the dogs. Well SS12 decides to sleep till 11am(god forbid he gets Woken up) so we were rushed to get ready. Well SS12 pissed and moaned “he just got up” and did not want to go till later TEN minutes before we were to go. What did DH say??? Ok and then he went out to mow the lawn till JR was ready to go! When SS was ready we went. On the way home DH asked if ANYONE wanted to stop and look at the new Monument they had just put in. Well before I could even open my mouth SS loudly said NO I want to go home and DH said ok another time then. That was the finale straw as I DID want to stop but SS Purposely quickly said no so I didn’t have time to see anything but then DH never asked me what I wanted to do.
This is NOT a one time thing but Normal. When we have plans to do something SS MUST agree or we don’t go. We have to wait for SS to be ready on his terms or we don’t go. When SS wants to leave we leave.
What happens if we don’t? Well DH allows agrees with the best but sometimes I put my foot down. Once on vacation SS wanted to leave and I was not ready and said no. The brat swore at me and ran off and hid! Mind you we were in another state and a big city. We ended up going back to our car as we could not find him as SS know where that was and he came back TWO hours later! Was his Punished? Nope and he stayed pissed at me all day after he ruined the whole day.
I’m looking for suggestions other than strangling the little bastard. How would handle this crap?
Wow, I'd leave. DH clearly
Wow, I'd leave. DH clearly doesn't give to craps about YOU. SS is the only one who matters.
You also have a disrespectful
You also have a disrespectful, rude husband.
Why are you with him? I mean, it's like you don't exist.
Go without them. Seriously,
Go without them. Seriously, if you had planned on leaving at, say, noon, then YOU leave at noon.
"I'll see you there, DH."
If you are together and the kid runs off, continue with your day. DH can go chase after him alone. He can go report his missing son to the cops alone.
Don't let it ruin your day. Will it piss off your DH? Yep, but what does that matter? He is pissing you off and ruining your valuable time and energy. If he doesn't like it, he is capable of packing his things and leaving you.
Your DH has to make a choice: either respect you as an adult and give you equal weight in decision making, or be alone. I'm not saying divorce him (I would - did, actually, my XH in part because he wanted to dictate what I did while getting to do what he wanted), but if he doesn't wrangle in sonny-boy, he's going to be spending a lot of weekends and trips ALONE with his moody teenager because you'll be too busy enjoying life.
Do. Not. Put. Your. Life. On. Hold. Because. Of. Disrespect.
And yes, it's ok to take
And yes, it's ok to take separate cars. I have done this. If an event happens at "X" time and I want to go, and if no one else is ready, I will leave. I've left DH and DH and the SDs at home before NO hesitation.
And if the itinerary isn't discussed before, between the two adults, then I don't go or SDs are not invited. This, in my case, extends to running regular old errands. No catering to SDs unless it's their birthday or something extra we are doing for them only.
It sounds like SS gets it
It sounds like SS gets it from his dad!
Two cars for any day trips
Two cars for any day trips (you leave with other kids when you are ready to go and DH can wait for his Precious Prince to get up and ready to go), and I would refuse to go on any family vacations with SS, period.
But only until I divorced your husband for not giving a crap what I want and need.
Also, not to blame you
Also, not to blame you because this is DH's shitty parenting at fault, but speak up for yourself! When DH asked if anyone wanted to stop and see the monument and SS said no, why didn't you say you want to stop and see it? Everything can't be left up to a child. What would your DH have done if you disagreed with SS?
Seriously, I always wonder
Seriously, I always wonder about this. If my SS had ever said NO to such a thing when he was 11, DH would have said, "Well, too bad, we do," and if he didn't say that, I would have said, "Well, I do, so let's stop."
Why don't people speak up for themselves?
No I know I’m to blame too for allowing it
it’s just so hard to change as I KNOW what happens if I push back. If I had spoken up and said well I want to stop SS would have Challenged me back by saying well I don’t want to. At this point I would look at DH to back me and DH would make a huge Sigh to let me know he’s not happy about “getting in the middle”as he calls it. DH would them try and convince SS it will be Quick then we can go. SS would then have a temper Tantrum(crying/yelling he does not want to stop). DH would let out Another big Sigh and two things would happen. Depending on how big of a Temper tantrum SS is having it could go two ways. DH would turn to me and say “can’t we just come back Another day” or “ I’ll drop you off and SS and I’ll stay in the car”. At this point I’m so behond pissed off I either say forget it or I do it just because I don’t want SS to think he’s ruined it for me. Either way after that Performance one would think DH would be pissed at SS right? Nope When we get home SS is wanting daddy to play and entertain him and DH does
"No, DH. We are already here
"No, DH. We are already here and I want to stop. Don't ask for my opinion if you aren't going to not listen, and do not pit my opinion against SS. I am the adult with you. We make the decisions, not SS."
Wow LOVE your answer. Well said BUT
this is the response I would get...SS would Immediately say “ NO Karen(my name) that’s NOT how it works”. SS has had YEARS of Therapy and all it’s Taught him is how to manipulate people and use adult terms. Then I would get ANOTHER big sigh from DH and he would just say “I give up. I’m always in the middle the day is Ruined”. Of course it’s my fault not SS so I get the “Silent treatment” for the rest of the day from DH. Yes I’m beginning to think something is wrong with me for staying
So your husband allows a
So your husband allows a child to talk down to his wife ... Haave you explained to your DuH about children and adults not being equal? Honestly, I'd get him alone and tell him to knock it off with the sighing and eye-rolling when all you want is to be treated like an adult.
Tell DH that next weekend you two
Are going to the new Mounment, with out SS, DH will take you out to lunch. You will have a lovely day or else it get done over until DH gets it right !!
Sorry, I couldn't live my
Sorry, I couldn't live my life like this. Your husband should have stayed single if he was just going to cater to his son's every whim and let him run the show. Ridiculous.
Next time he runs off....
Next time he runs off.... leave him and call 911. Let the authorities and system deal with him.
You also need to grab your DH by the short and curlies and tell him to get his balls out of his son's greasy little hands.
Your DH is a pathetic parental waste of skin. He would be the one I would be wanting to strangle. What do you see in this guy that makes you put up with his ball-less crap and why would you continue to put up with his shallow and polluted gene pool?
smh