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how would you approach this? switching rooms

Thisisnotus's picture

We have 2 upstairs the past it was DD12 and DD16 in one room.....and DD14 and SD16 in one room. They have a little living room (cannot be used as a bedroom just FYI)  upstairs as well so the upstairs is 100% the kids.

About a year ago my DD16 decided to stay with her dad full since then the room share is DD12 and DD14.....and then SD16 has her own. I had a baby during this time so I didn't really think about far as the rooms go.

SD16 has the largest room with large closet, and my DD12 and DD14 have the smaller room and small closet  and its cramped for 2 people.

How would you approach the subject of switching rooms? My kids have been asking. SD16 I think will not be on board. My kids are at the house 50% of the time, and SD16 is there about 30% of the time.

I bought the house with my own money before we got married so it wasn't DH's house or SD's house (it is now I'm just saying that me and my kids didn't move into their home).....if that matters. We did all move into the house at the same together, though.


My thought is that I just tell DH we are switching b/c 2 kids together need a bigger room and closet. end of story. SD is begging errr ummm insisting  to re-do her room (you know b/c DH and I got new stuff for the house and our room and its not fair I don't want DH re-doing anything in her current room.......before I get a chance to make the switch..

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

 I’d “let” her re-do her new room. She changes to the smaller room because as you said the two kids need the bigger room but you let them all redo the new rooms to make them theirs. You have every right to say what’s going to happen since it is your home but show tact and respect.

SteppedOut's picture

This. But it is a very logical switch. Don't let anyone guilt you out of it.

Thisisnotus's picture

thanks. I definitley would have my own kids re-do their new rooms as well, along with SD.


ndc's picture

That's what I would do - tell DH the kids who are sharing a room and are there for a greater amount of time need to have the larger room.  SD gets to redo the smaller room as part of switching.  Where does the baby sleep?

Thisisnotus's picture

baby has taken over the downstairs "den I guess you could call it, it has  doors that close.... which is the largest room if we are counting it as a bedroom even though it isn't really. Our room is downstairs so it's the only option for baby.

Pregnantwithquestions's picture

IMO, there's 2 criteria that needs to be met

(1) Whoever is there more gets the "better" room

(2) Regarding space-- you have to do what makes the most logical sense i.e. allowing the two that share the smaller room to move into the larger room with the larger closet


As far as SD16 being upset, well-- she's old enough to understand the need for 2 people needing a larger space. If she doubles down that she isn't going to move, then I'd say "fine, but that means you're sharing your room with DD14". Either way, the larger room is going to be the one thats designated for 2 people-- whoever those 2 people are will be inconsequential

Thisisnotus's picture

I am hoping the room re-do will help her to not be upset.

And yes, the most logical thing is for 2 kids to share......I mean in all reality as little as SD16 is wouldn't be a bad idea to have DD14 and SD16  share....then my DD's would have their own room most of the time. LOL.

STaround's picture

kids are less picky about room size, more picky about own room.   Isn't the 16 YO going to college in two years?   I would discuss with DH and not tell him I had made a decision.  maybe same result, but would be my starting point

Thisisnotus's picture

is she going to college? I don't know....I hope so but I won't hold my breath.

I will try and discuss it with him....but he is like talking to a wall mostly.


Siemprematahari's picture

SD16 I think will not be on board. My kids are at the house 50% of the time, and SD16 is there about 30% of the time.

Like the posters suggested above bring it up to your H logically the reasons why the bigger room should go to both girls and although SD will get a smaller room she'll still have her very own space & she's only there 30% of the time. She doesn't have to like it or need your approval. Right now this is the best possible solution to enabling space so don't feel guilty. It's nothing personal towards her.

SD is begging errr ummm insisting  to re-do her room (you know b/c DH and I got new stuff for the house and our room and its not fair I don't want DH re-doing anything in her current room.......before I get a chance to make the switch..

SD can beg to re-do her room all she wants but your H needs to make her understand that just because you guys purchased new stuff for the house and your room doesn't mean she gets it as well. In time and when appropriate she can have her room re-done with the help of her father. He needs to stress this because in the future she will have the same mindset for other things that come up.

Thisisnotus's picture

too late.....we are already to the "in the future she will have the same mindset for other things that come up". This is just the

flmomma08's picture

It doesn't make sense for SD to have the larger room while 2 kids share a smaller room. She will just have to understand that. Maybe let her redecorate her room after you make the switch, as others have suggested.

Thisisnotus's picture

yes, that is what I am thinking!

If I had the time....and I don't.....what I would do is just one day when nobody was home but me....I would switch everything without telling a soul. haha and then it would be done and over with.

ESMOD's picture

Does your DD16 "ever" come to your house?  Does she have any visitiation and if so.. do you expect for SD16 to share with her?

I mean, as the adults.. you and your DH get to decide how the kids are arranged.. but I'm not sure I would be up for doing a reset when SD16 will only be there for a couple more years.. I would personally just leave it be.. and then when SD16 leaves home at 18 (after HS).. then the two kids who are left would maybe either move together to the bigger room while the baby takes their old room.. or each get their own room while baby stays in "den" bedroom (if that's your preference.

Thisisnotus's picture

No, my DD16 (17 next week) doesn't come to my house unless it's a Holiday like Christmas. She has been PAS's by her dad in the most extreme way. I don't expect SD16 to ever share with her, nor would DD16 want to share with her. I don't expect her to be back living in my house ever.....we have rules at her know the drill.

I see your point....but 2 years to me is a really long time. And it would actually be a miracle if SD16 moved out at 18.....BM wants her to live with her think SD16 will "move out" but it will be from BM and permanatley into my house cause she will tire of her moms that's my greatest fear at the moment....she is almost 17 and BM wont' let her drive, won't let her have a job, won't let her go anywhere with her friends, won't let her go to high school looking good for LAUNCHING and I can't plan on that. lol

And behind SD16 we have SD12 who has been PAS'd for over a year and hasn't stayed I have to factor in the possibility of her going back to sleeping at our house at some point down the road.....hope that makes sense.


Harry's picture

If DH does not like it he can buy you all a larger home with six bed rooms so everybody can have there own. Or he can such it up,  money talks 

Rags's picture

You just switch the rooms.  Tell the older kids why and then .... just do it.

As for redoing rooms, no is an answer to that question.  Or let her redo the smaller room and the other two can redo th bigger room.

Transient kids do not get to stipulate what room they get or even if they get one at all.  Rooms are formatted for full time resident family members.  Visitors are accommodated as comfortably and unobtrusively as possible.

twoviewpoints's picture

I'm thinking I'd sit the girls down and ask them. You've got two rooms and three kids. Two are going to share, like it or not. The two who are sharing get the biggest room/closet.

My bet is SD16 will want the privacy of having her own room.... so uncool to share with a 12 and/or a 14 year old. And since all the girls get to do a re-do/get new stuff for whatever room they are going to be put in, that's a big plus

Give them ten minutes to talk it out or duke it out and then call DH up to move the heavy items.

All done.