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How to prove in the court I I'm a better parent?

Aisley_01's picture

Hello all,

I was dealing with the custody battle in court as I've separated from my husband. I want to get sole custody of my child to make sure he gets all the love & stable environment he deserves.

I was wondering if a child custody investigator can help me prove in court that I'm a better parent & can provide my child a stable environment?

Looking forward to your answers!

Thanks in advance!

tog redux's picture

Your kid needs his/her father too. Be nice and share, don't put the kid through a custody battle. 

Rags's picture

Sadly, for many of the bottom 10%er morons of the legal profession in the idiot Harry Potter robes slinging  the infantile Fisher-Price wooden hammer who preside over family courts they don't give a shit which is the better parent or what is actually in the best interests of the kid(s).  
 

Even when one parent is clearly superior and the other has zero business being anywhere near any child including their own,  the robed dipshits will force a kid to spend time with the crappy parent and will often even make that parent the custodial parent.

Lower  your expectations so you won't be disappointed.

Good luck.

thinker's picture

Family law seems to attract the worst lawyers.  Whatever is going on in your situation, your judge is probably seeing far, far worse everyday.  In our state, the default is 50/50 and they could care less who is the "better parent".  In my state, unless you can prove serious abuse (for example, a criminal conviction for child abuse), or that the other parent is continually withholding the child (ie, you have a documented pattern of criminal custodial interference), then, good luck.  What worked well for someone I know was to really hold her ex to the fire on unpaid child support and other expenses, then use them as leverage to reach a settlement on a new parenting time.  Good luck.  Expect the worst.  

fakemommy's picture

If you need help from strangers to help prove you are the better parent, you most likely are not. If dad had any real issues parenting, they would be easy to prove.

ndc's picture

Does your husband not love the child? Can he not provide a stable environment? What about giving your child the relationship with his father that he deserves?  Why do you feel you need SOLE custody? That's not the norm. Are there negative facts about your husband that you haven't mentioned? 

ESMOD's picture

If you have legit concerns that your soon to be EX is somehow a danger to your child then your attorney should be able to help you present that information and help you figure out the best way to document it.

If it is just that you want to be primary or sole custody because you just think you are better or deserve to have the child more.. or even because you are angry at your EX.  You do need to take a deep breath and a step back and consider that it is best when a child has a full relationship with BOTH his parents.  The ideal custody would be where the child could spend 50/50 time with each parent.  Both parents should be able to parent and have access and be able to love and care for the child.. 

There may be logistic issues that make that difficult.  If the parents live a great distance apart and if the school is not convenient to both households etc... But, to any extent it is possible for both parents to have equal time with the child.. that is BEST for the child barring danger or abuse.  

It doesn't necessarily mean that the person with the nicer home should get all the custody.. or even that one partner may be in a stable relationship while the other may not be.. may be dating etc..  That in itself does not mean they are not deserving of time with the child.

flmomma08's picture

I have sole custody of my kids because my ex DH is a heroin addict who was getting high and passing out when he was supposed to be watching the kids and leaving needles and drug baggies on the floor where the kids could grab them. I wish so badly they had a normal father they could spend time with. Unless the father is a legitimate danger to the children, my advice is not to try to completely take that away. I understand not wanting to share your kids, I really do. But my kids are HURT by not having their father in their life. I wouldn't do that to them without a damn good reason. 

LittleCloud9's picture

It's not really about the "best parent wins the kids"

most courts prefer the parents to work out an agreement rather than make the judge decide.

you need a good lawyer to explain how custody laws work in your area. Many place have a policy of "best interests of the child." However that means what a group of law makers has decided is the best interest of children of divorce in general, not your child. Usually they believe it's best for both parents to be as involved and present in the kids lives as possible. Typically they will favor a 50/50 arrangement or something close if at all possible. For you to get sole custody you would have to show he is dangerous and unfit, beyond simply that he's not nice or gets mad too much. Even then he will most likely get something. It's very rare for a parent to be completely cut off by the court. Even parents in prison can get visitation with their kids.

If you just dislike his parenting style or him in general, but he's not actually a danger to the kids, let it go and find a reasonable arrangement for the sake of your kids having peace. If there's abuse or something you will need proof from family services or police or something to substantiate your claims. Even then the judge will probably just order therapy and still give him something.

I guess in your favor is the fact that most courts lean towards the moms, for some stupid archaic sexist belief that every woman must naturally be better than any man at childcare.

notarelative's picture

Courts do not usually give custody to the "better" parent. They do not usually take custody from the "lesser" parent.The standard is more like adequate, as in nothing a child services investigation would indicate removal. 

tog redux's picture

Right. And men are not just sperm donors who are otherwise completely irrelevant to a child's life. Why do so many women think that?

advice.only2's picture

I think consulting an attorney would garner you the fastest answers to your questions.