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How many of you walked away or left

klthornton72's picture

Just curious to know how many of you have left or walked away from your situation with dealing with blended families, ex's, and step kids and what was the breaking point that brought you to it? 

Stepdrama2020's picture

Halleluja!

Breaking point was DH went with SD snotty mini wife and BM for SD's birthday dinner. I wasnt invited, not that I wouldve went anyway. 

It was years of ex DH having two lives. One with me, and the secretive life with his mistress princass SD with BM in the background. A total self esteem buster .  He thought he could have the best of both worlds. Now I have the best world WITHOUT all the toxic games.

Rumor has it ex DH was kicked out by BM. LOL  I have him blocked now, but he did try to come back. Sorry bud my life is so much calmer without watching you cater to your princess.

Whats your story. What is your breaking point.?

klthornton72's picture

All i can say is wow! You are a strong woman to deal with it for years! Glad you are out of that situation and have some peace! 

Stepdrama2020's picture

YOU CAN!!!!

Ashleytenorio17's picture

But there have been sooooo many times wanted to say F this and walk away and not have to deal with spoiled entitled SD and even worse BM. DH has made some improvements with putting both SD and BM in their place but I'm still not 100 sure this is gonna last 

klthornton72's picture

First you are all strong women and I commend you on what you put up with! I haven't reached my breaking point yet, but it's getting close.  Boyfriend needs to get this custody situation handled and the divorce done so we can move on.  15 year old daugther won't speak to him or visit so the courts awarded him temporary custody.  Not sure how this will go as she is threatening suicide and will not speak. her whole world is put upside down and so is ours.  Only time will tell what happens.  Good thing is I'm not married to him, so atleast its all coming out before we get married.  I feel like I live on a roller coaster though and it's really tough some days. ALl the drama and fighting

 

AgedOut's picture

If she is threatening suicide it needs to be dealt with. A cry for help, even when used as manipulation, is a cry for help. You would be remiss not to contact the proper authorities when she makes these threats. Let her see the reality and even if you know that 99.9% is just a tool she uses to get her way, that tiny percent demands action. 

What are her parents doing when she threatens suicice?

 

reedle2021's picture

I am currently in the process of leaving my husband and 21 year old SS.  The breaking point for me was that my SS hasn't worked in 17 months,has no interest in college, has been employed only sporadically, and my husband said that he is perfectly fine if his son lives with us the rest of his life.  He puts his son ahead of our marriage, so our marriage more like a roommate situation.  My husband is also unemployed.  This all transpired over the past year and I've been patient.  But, when the SS's unemployment continued and my husband just said that's okay with him, "my son can do whatever makes him happy," that was my breaking point.  Quite honestly, I should have left sooner when his son began getting fired from every job, no-showing jobs he didn't want to do, etc., and my husband had every excuse in the book for his son's behavior.  That was a huge red flag that I was in complete denial about. 

reedle2021's picture

I agree.  We have no privacy, really no relationship other than roommates.  Just last night my husband refused to watch a movie with me because his manchild was at his BM's house ( he very rarely ever goes there or anywhere) and he was worried his son might get upset if we watched it without him.  I can't wait for this to be over.  It's beyond ridiculous.

I wish I had known this about him or that he would have shared with me that his intention was to live with his son forever.  When I leave him, I will tell him that he should probably avoid marriage or being in a relationship with anyone because the only person he cares about is his man child. 

SecondNoMore's picture

Keep in mind, in my situation I was only dating the guy for a little over a year so it was not a difficult situation to walk away from. No kids together, no home together, etc. But I saw enough red flags in the first year to know being with a guy with a kid was not for me. 
 

I think the final straw was something pretty small in terms of not prioritizing the relationship... like needing to switch a date night or something because he had his son. I was so done with the situation at that point, I felt nothing when I walked away other than frustration with myself for spending a year with him.

PB's picture

Oh god, i wish i was in your situarion too. Not sharing home for years, we dont have kids together, but its more than 7 years we are together and live together. Its not easy, believe me im a strong girl but i cant do it, its not easy.

SteppedOut's picture

I did. 

We were not married (but he wanted to be), but we do share a child that is now 5. I left when our child was under a year old. 

I left when I realized that he would not protect our baby (or me) from his kid (who was 12 when I left). Kid actively tried to harm my baby. Also, he would not parent his child, who was filthy and nasty in ways that directly affected the whole house. The kid was also a theif - stole jewlery worth thousands from me. FormerSO just made stupid excuses for his kid. He was also financially and emotionally abusive - of course not right away, but after birth of our child - I think he thought "I was trapped" since we had a baby.  Abusers never start out a relationship as such or they could never "hook" someone. 

I owned a home in a different state (that he constantly tried to get me to sell) that I moved to while he was at work. I had packed a bunch of things in the guise of "spring cleaning" to prepare in the days leading - and then quickly packed the remainder of my things the day that I left. My older son and a good friend helped me "escape". He did not know until I left and he was finished with work. 

I had a new job starting the week after I moved, but hadn't been working (after birth of our child). It was difficult the first few months as HE had spent ALL of my savings. The struggle was 100% worth protecting my child, myself and being FREE of the chaos. 

Rags's picture

Still all in.  Married to my amazing bride.  Raised an outstanding  son together.  We make an incredible life together.  
 

19, 20 and nearly half of 21 she carried our life together as  the only full time income.  

I'm a fortunate man.

She set expectations of behavior and performance for her son and did not let the excuse based victim bullshit of his Sperm Clan  ruin his life or our marriage

I was the sole income for 8 years and we both worked our careers the other 16 years of our 27 year and still going marriage.

I would not tolerate anything less. Neither would she.

No SParent should accept or tolerate anything less.

That so many do is astonishing to me.

 

StepDad1991's picture

Why so many do is commitment. Commitment to the spouse, comittement to the kids who, many times, have been through a shitty divorce and you don't want to put them through more.

The positive thing for me is that my wife and I have usually been able to separate external causes (skids, ex's) from internal, as far as friction between us is concerned, and to put things in perspective. The skids don't contribute to our happiness, and now that they're adults, don't distract from it either. Aside from my internal strife (which I need to figure out), thinks are OK and could certainly be much worse.

 

Livingoutloud's picture

I did. For me it was when I realized that I became an angry person. Like I couldn't contain my anger. my exYSD, an adult, lived with us making our life crazy, but my ex wouldn't consider my feelings or do much about her behaviors.  

But the true revelation amd breaking point came in when about few weeks before I decided to leave. YSD took me and ex out for breakfast gave me Mother's Day card that said how wonderful life together is snd she hopes to continue living with us for years to come. A year before that ex told me she'd just stay with us for a year. Clearly that wasn't the case.

I felt so sick reading that card  that I had tears in my eyes abd YSD and ex thought I was touched. Hmmm no. I was terrified. I knew I had to end it ASAP before I lose my mind 

i am married now to my DH who puts me first. My current SDs are probably objectively worse than exSDs but they don't cause any problems for us because I am my husband's priority. SDs treat me well because DH wouldn't allow anything less than that.

So I am a firm believer that the issue isn't how skids are. The issue is how your partner treats you and what's his priority 

 

reedle2021's picture

Wow, you hit that right on the head!  This is so true.  My 21 yo SS is a piece of sh*t but I blame his dad for that.  Things in our failing marriage would be much different if my husband made our marriage a priority and set boundaries/expectations/consequences for his son and held his son to those.  My husband is the one who has allowed his son to do the things he does.  My husband is the one who puts his son first and ignores our marriage.  My husband is the one who refuses to live his life if his son isn't at home.  My husband is the one who acts like his son is a 5 yr old.  And like you, I recently came to the realization that my SS will likely live with his daddy forever, so.... needless to say, I'm done. 

Rags's picture

"So I am a firm believer that the issue isn't how skids are. The issue is how your partner treats you and what's his priority "

 

Clapping

relationshipguru's picture

The breaking point for me was him verbally abusing me in front of his family after me refusing to give into his kids usual snotty, mean, manipulative behavior. He went off on me for refusing to take his daughter to dinner and hang out with her all day on my dime after she continuously acted like a disrespectful spoiled brat towards me and everyone else. It basically came down to him not parenting his kids and wanting to be their friend instead of their parent. Also when he allowed his overbearing mother to get involved in our relationship one too many times on that exact same day. I'd had enough. I couldn't take it any longer and decided I did not want that for my life anymore. I will add this is after years of dealing with an inappropriate relationship with the ex that I was kept in the dark about, the behaviors of his kids that weren't addressed frequently and other issues within the relationship itself. Life is too short. I am now with someone who considers my feelings and doesn't hide things from me. He will also not allow me to ever be disrespected, like not in a million years. His family is also genuinely sweet and supportive but if they weren't he would definitely having no any issue setting the appropriate boundaries with them. Life is good Smile

klthornton72's picture

Good for you, no one should ever take verbal abuse! And there should always be boundaries with the EX regardless if there are children involved, you can be good parents to your children and have healthy boundaries!   Sorry you went through that but sounds like you have a great life now! 

vidiot57's picture

Not proud of it, nor did I ever dream that I would walk away in my wildest dream,, But I did..  a little more that a year ago..( its documented in my prevoius post) It came down to my wife placing her children(adult children) above out marriage..I basicly was tolerating it for most of the marriage.. But the breaking point came when she told me her 21 year old daughter would be moving into our living room.. This was at the height of Covid 19, before the vaccine was available.. And her daughter was working as a waitress in 2 different restaurunts... The other 2 bedrooms were occupied with her 2 adult boys, ages 24 and 19.. Who had roomed together when they were younger, but the oldest moved into her old bedroom when she left.. I told my wife she could move back in.. But not into the living room..We would have to reconfigure the the sleeping arrangemnt to make it work.. That erupted into a huge argument.. And I left.. Anyway long story short..We never were able reconcile and work this out and we were divorced this past September.. I feared for my health.. I have some heatlth issues and am not a spring chicken... My wife and I had a great relationship, except when it came to trying to set some boundaries and responsibilty for the adult childrenn.. ( there was none) I am on my own now.. trying to adjust to my new life..I walked out because she refused to hear my point of view on this, nor she would not go to counseling with me.. It is the saddest thing that has ever happened to me.. But I felt I had no other option..

klthornton72's picture

I'm sorry you went through all that! I know when there is blended families, it's so important for the marriage that you communicate and talk through it.  This is my second go at a blended family, my ex husband had kids prior to our marriage.  I wish you the best and hope as time goes on you will heal and take care of you Smile That is the most important thing we have to do, take care of ourselves ;) 

Jojo4124's picture

Mmm, on my way to work one day I listed all the things I didn't like about my married life. I realized I had a husband problem. He didn't treat me as his wife but more like a side piece. I decided that wasn't good enough for me.

It took me months of back n forth,  this group, and knowing from past relationships that my husband didn't have my back. Yes I blamed his awful kids for a time then realized my issue really was that I didn't have a husband but an abusive user who worshipped his nasty ex n kids. 

 

If your spouse puts others before you consistently then they aren't a spouse, at least in my definition of it.

 

Abuse is never worth staying in. There us help out there. Yes, happiness can be your life.....xxoo

Stepdrama2020's picture

We really do get stronger and wiser. All the pain has led many of us to see our worth when our spouses didnt.

It is a DH problem.  Although adult skids, I blame them too. At some point we become responsible for our own actions. Toxic is toxic.

Sadness's picture

Meeeee!!! At first I felt bad cause I didn't want to make my ex feel bad for not wanting to be with him due to skids but honestly if your kids behavior is so bad that other people don't want to date you then it's that parents fault for allowing it. I'm tired of reading stories about people breaking themselves to help improve a situation with the skids going above and beyond for them only to be treated like dirt by the skids. If the skids are gonna ruin there parents chance at a happy relationship by acting like complete jerks then they need to be the ones to watch their parents cry cause they scared all their BFs and GFs off. And if the parent is that pathetic that they would allow their kids to ruin their life like that they should be ashamed and have no one to blame but themselves.. I don't feel bad for leaving anymore. 

klthornton72's picture

Well said! I've reached my limit on going above an beyond for my BF's spoiled, selfish 23 year old daughter.  Now I'm dealing with his 15 year old who is decent but pushing the boundaries and making the home very akward.  I didn't make this mess, him and his ex did and I'm so tired of the constant battles between the two of them.  SHe did some very shady stuff and he has a right to be mad, but fighting and bickering is not going to solve anything and the children are the ones who pay the price and grow up with issues.  I can see where the divorce rate for 2nd marriages is so high.  I haven't reached my breaking point yet, but I'm getting close.  

AKsc's picture

I'm at that point. OVER it all. My SS gets treated like "this is his world and we all just live in it" No boundaries set with the BM. Just over it; 

klthornton72's picture

Difficult when you need boundaries but the BM can set or feels like she  needs to set them for you.  

harmony98's picture

I find my self constantly thinking about divirce at the moment. ! in general things are ok.  but i actually think i hate his dd my sd. i cant even look at my dh if he says he is going to see her. 

that cant be good.  i feel like im going mad.  why cant i accept that he will always jump for her. its not all the time.  but i actually wish she would just dissapear.

as thats not going to happen. what to do ? im 41 feel like i have wasted so much of my life.

seriouslyfreda's picture

Get out. It doesn't get better. It is time people learn to be alone and start loving it. The things we put ourselves through in order not to be alone are worse than being by ourselves if we have actually worked on  having the tools to be by ourselves and be happy alone. We need to be more selective when it comes to picking a partner and we will be if we learn to be happy being alone. Someone with bratty kids and an overbearing ex is no prize. 

nappisan's picture

I did , just over 2 yrs now and soooo glad i did!!!!!  i had the courage to do so because of this site.  I had a SS from hell,, he was 12 at the time.  I was expected to look after him like my own but had no say when it came to his behaviour or punishments.   the only say i had was that the SS and father lived with me so i could tell them to leave.   My son who is now 20 and myself have been so much better without them around.  I heard the exSS who now is 14 just got expelled from school for breaking a kids nose.    it never gets better ,,,only worse !