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How many Stepmoms out there are close with your SD?

TheWife's picture

My SD9 and I are very close. Last night we had a heartwrenching discussion about her mom.

Her mom is a good mother in the respect that she makes sure SD is clothed and fed, taken to the doctor and has good grades in school. The nurturing is not there, though.

SD has performed for SEVEN weeks in a row for our dance team. BM has been to ONE performance. She rarely shows up to any school performances (DH and I are there always, I think we might have missed ONE last year because it was on my birthday).

She always promises SD things and doesn't deliver, and SD is smart enough to see it now. She told SD for two months that she was gonna have a birthday party for her at the water park. Didn't happen. She was supposed to take SD to Disneyworld last year. Didn't happen. She promises SD she is going to take SD to the nail shop with her. Doesn't happen. Bake brownies. Doesn't happen.

At my house, we do all KINDS of stuff. And it's not guilt parenting either, it's quality time. I realize that SD doesn't get the kind of one one one attention she needs from a woman at home. I take SD to get a manicure with me sometimes, we bake cookies, make crafts, decorate for holidays, make hair ribbons, have family movie nights, play monopoly as a family, go to fairs, the beach, we DO things. I firmly believe that you have to introduce a child to things to have them be well-rounded. BM promised SD for years to sign her up for piano lessons until I finally did it myself. Then we enrolled SD in my dance program. I mean, WTF?? When will she understand there is more to mothering than the grades and doctor appts??

Them BM has the nerve to get jealous that SD talks about me and what we do together so much. Holy FRICKIN cow lady, get a CLUE then!!

Do something with your kid!!

Oh-forgot that BM would go on vacation with her husband and their son together when SD was at our house. Not once, but SEVERAL times took a vacay with their son and but not SD. To disneyworld. DISNEYWORLD!! Cmon!!

sadstepmom26's picture

Thats prety low of BM. To leave out her own kid? Sad.

I know what you mean though. I try to do as much as I can with the SDs. They dont have a mom at all as she has never really been around and the youngest never even lived with her. I try to have convo's with them like the one last night where I was talking to the about what if their future bf tried to hit them and SD11 just says HOT GRITS!! I was no good! Down for the count rolling! But its times like that, that are priceless. I do the mani-pedis and stuff like that with them too and game nights and all that. Grumpy isnt really interested in any of it but I just keep at it in hopes that things will change. I figure if I got her to combing her hair and not smelling like trash then anything is possible!!

Life is what you make it.

TheWife's picture

Sometimes I feel really bad, like what happens if/when DH and I have a daughter and she sees how a mom is SUPPOSED to be? So sad.

~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~

sadstepmom26's picture

Yep I know exactly what you mean. I wondered if they'd be angry at my baby or something or if I'd eve try to overcompensate or something.

Life is what you make it.

TheWife's picture

It's just sad. I wish her mom took more of an active interest in her, that's all.

~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~

Coldandloved's picture

I definately hear you. Queen Jerky Curtains is the same way. Me and DH had a discussion on this. Sure she's a "good Mom" clothed, fed, doctors insurance. Awesome.... but what has she done to actually parent? Teach life lessons? NOTHING. I'm taking the girls prom dress shopping at their request. I feel horrible. It should be something a Mom and Daughter do. It won't be though. I'm the only one they've ever baked things with. I'm the one who showed a seventeen year old HOW TO CLEAN A WINDOW. Clothing a child doesn't make you a good mom, it means you've upheld a legal obligation. True parenting and mother hood goes far beyond what these Moms are doing. I have your same concerns... what happens when me and DH have kids ofour own and see how LOVING parents raise children. Will they get angry with my child?