How many have to push their DH to be a dad?
I have more or less accepted that my husband in a back-seat dad, at least for my SD (he does a bit better with ours). But I still just don't get it. I did everything for SD...set up counseling and treatment centers (she has issues). His dad had a stroke on the way to a treatment center so we cancelled our appointment. I kept waiting for him to ask me to reschedule...he never has. Last night we talked about that some and he said perhaps his dad had a stroke because he couldn't handle SD being admitted. He used his dad's stroke as an excuse for not moving forward with RTC! I said "perhaps your dad had a stroke because he is now parenting your kid that does drugs in his home". He had no response.
Next point: His daughter is supposed to go to an alternative school for a couple weeks (we have to pay for it) for threatening to rip her teacher's face off. She has a court date tomorrow and DH was planning on letting his dad take her...yep, same dad that had a stroke.
He also mentioned to his sister that he partially isn't coaching SD in wrestling because he doesn't want her to ruin his reputation. Same kid ruined my reputation in my home town...telling everyone I physically abused her. I brought that up and said "so you understand how much that hurts?" and he said it was no big deal!!!
He is seriously a dumbarse when it comes to communicating with me! He says the wrong thing nearly every time!
Anyways my question: Do other women deal with husband's that are completely clueless and LAZY with regards to parenting their own kids?
my dh has absolutely no
my dh has absolutely no interest in parenting, but is all for disney-daddying (if i would let him!). the one time he really tried to parent by monitoring his son's school progress and actually instituted dicipline, he broke down from all the pressure mil and ex wife put on him, saying he was "too hard" on ss (dh said he was going to have a heart-attck). ha! that's the best that kid has EVER done in school. so, screw it. let bm and nanna raise these kids. why push? why should step mom care more than the bio-parents? not going to let the fall-out touch me, i guarantee you that.
Exactly!!! If the two people
Exactly!!!
If the two people that SPAWNED these kids don't even care or want to parent, discipline, and control these kids then why the fuck should any of us!!!??? THEIR KID...THEIR PROBLEM!!
And my BF is VERY WELL AWARE of that fact!!! I do not care about his kid or want anything to do with him EVER. He is HIS PARENTS PROBLEM/RESPONSIBILITY just like my BS is MINE!!!
tasha1983...I swear your
tasha1983...I swear your mantra has carried over into my brain! Not my kid, not my problem! I've said that so many times during my disengagement process!
Just last night, SO told me he needs to take SD shopping for new clothes. She's a chunk, and has a very limited selection she chooses to wear (big big belly), and I've thrown out all the holey, over stretched clothes, and this kid is PICKY! He asked if I wanted to come, and your mantra went through my head at that exact moment! I opted to be kind and said "I think I'll pass. I'll go nuts with Miss Picky!" He replied, "It's fine, she's my DD afterall, and it's my job to care for her!" HAHAHAHAHAH. It was so HARD to keep a straight face!
I just don't get it. I feel
I just don't get it. I feel like her entire bio family are enablers and don't mind that they will soon be bailing her out of jail. I on the other hand want to get her help before jail becomes an issue. Maybe they are too blind to see it or won't accept their flesh and blood is tainted. Whatever it is, it is a huge turn off when my husband acts like his daughter isn't his problem. So immature!
yes, it is a turn off, but
yes, it is a turn off, but i'm sure he hasn't changed his MO since the divorce. more than likely he wasn't too much involved in the care of his daughter while with her mother. my dh wasn't. i don't know what i was thinking when we first got married! i was actually trying to change the status quo (and i think his family thought i should)! but, i wised up pretty quick. i was beating my head against a brick wall because no matter whatever good i brought to those boys, they always ended up going back to bm and it was lost. i finally decided that i wasn't going to turn myself inside out fighting this losing battle. i had to fight my dh, my mil and bm! wasn't worth it to me. i'm just thankful i've already had my kids and they are raised and i wasn't looking for a father. anyway, when you boil it all down...dh chose that woman to have kids with and she chose him. those kids were doomed from the minute they were conceived. why do i have to rush in and be super-woman and save them from their own family? that certainly isn't the reason i got married. i happen to have a life already. it's very sad, and i feel bad for the boys, but i do try to talk to them. and, i tell myself that they have their whole lives to make choices for themselves, they have much more time left on this earth than i do. i can be a role model to them and they can see how we live, the choices we've made, but that's it. i can't force morals and work ethics on people who don't have an inkling as to what they are doing to these kids and their own lives (bm, mil). you can't MAKE people not be ignorant. you'd have to spend your life not only educating those kids, but everyone that surrounds them! that's too big a job for lil' old me. i'd much prefer getting my ulcers and heartattacks doing something else. yet, here i lurk....
Her mom actually abandoned
Her mom actually abandoned her and DH was always more involved than she was. But then after we got married they both just dumped SD on me...and I was happy to fill the position. Darn ignorant, naive little girl I was!
Like you, I am realizing no matter how hard I work at things, they will never improve without DH on board. So SD is not living with us anymore because I saw things would NEVER change and I could not take it any longer (and had to protect my bios). I just wish he cared about his daughter enough to make a difference in her life...he doesn't.
i know, it's sooo sad. and
i know, it's sooo sad. and nothing you do can make it better. your sadness will be replaced by anger when she starts acting out and getting in trouble and your dh is called on to bail her out. this is where i'm at now. i swear, if one penny of money from this house goes to bailing this kid out, i'm done.
My DH has no problem playing
My DH has no problem playing Disney Dad and doing the fun things with SD, but he has a real issue when it comes to actual parenting. He is all about taking her shopping or to the park or wherever the princess wants to go that day, but his mom is the one who takes her to her doctor and dentist appointments. SD is starting Kindergarten this coming year and DH’s mom is the one who registered her for school lol. I can’t help but laugh sometimes. These “dads” are a joke.
Honestly, I wish I could even
Honestly, I wish I could even see that in him! Not that I want him to be a disney dad, that would only make SD worse. Her punishment for smoking pot was no more wrestling. That was the only thing DH did with her. I feel like he was excited to take that away as punishment because he didn't want to do ANYTHING with her. That is sad to me. It's like she is just an inconvenience to him.
He isn't that bad with our kids, but he doesn't take the time to have "tea parties" with our kids like I do.
He was actually an involved father when I met him, or so he appeared to be. He played that card very well...until after we were married...then suddenly he no longer did
ha! sounds just like my dh!
ha! sounds just like my dh! mil worked all night last friday and still had to take ss to dentist cause saturday was dh's day of "rest". i jumped him about it, but if she's willing to be his little slave, so be it. he'd better NEVER treat me/talk to me the way he does his mom. i stick up for her from time to time, but come on...stand up for yourself woman! i noticed ss speaking disrespectfully to her, too. this is not my problem, either.
When SD is with us, DH turns
When SD is with us, DH turns Disney Dad, but as soon she goes back to BM he vanishes! I know most of that is because he wants to avoid contact with BM as much as possible. SD has severe sleep apnea. SD was on monitors when she was younger and I'm not sure when treatment stopped. DH (re)noticed it at the begining of Decemeber and voiced his concerns to BM. BM replied with "Yeah, she's still doing that." Still THEY (because he is just as guilty as she is) did nothing! I finally scheduled a doctor's apt for her in January and she's now finally getting a C-Pap machine. I'm trying to disengage, to force DH to step up, but on a serious medical issue like this, the mama in me won't let me ignore.