How low can a BM go
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My partners child who's 8 years old said her mommy asked her to ask me a question, it wasn't a question in the end. More a statement of fact. She got her daughter to tell me she was "friends" with a man. Said man sexually assaulted me when I was a child myself and served prison time.
I'm shocked any one could use their child in that way. Shocked that BM has absolutely no morality.
I'm guessing she can go lower
I'm guessing she can go lower than that - many BMs on here have.
If she continues, don't hesitate to get a restraining order for harassment that includes not going through 3rd parties.
I don't want to give her any
I don't want to give her any oxygen - you think she can go lower than this? Wow! I'm not actually feeling able for it
Sure. Many BMs on here have
Sure. Many BMs on here have stalked the SM, made false allegations of abuse, caused them to lose their jobs, or even assaulted or tried to kill them. Not to mention turning the kids against the SM.
Don't give her oxygen over this one, but also - don't let it go on if she continues. Drop the hammer on her.
How do I drop the "hammer"
How do I drop the "hammer" what can I actually do? The restraining order probably won't work as she's just being a clever clogs in how she says things through the kids. So how do I actually deal with it if things deteriorate as I believe they will
Start by having DH tell her
Start by having DH tell her to knock it off or there will be consequences. If that doesn't work, have an attorney write a cease and desist letter (you can probably pay someone to just write this letter).
If she continues to harass you via the kids, that's still harassment. Let's say you had an ex who was stalking you via someone else - that's still stalking.
Ignore this one, but the next one, DH has to say something to her.
I agree with everything
I agree with everything except ignoring. I wouldn't ignore it, because then BM may take a more direct approach at weaponizing SD. OP, your DH needs to know and act on his daughter being weaponized, both for you and her.
Is she really seeing him or
Is she really seeing him or is she just needling you? If it's true and she lets him around your SD, I'd be calling CPS like yesterday.
No she isn't seeing him, she
No she isn't seeing him, she's making it up. She is mates with his family etc but the kids have never been exposed to him. I'm not bothered who she decides to befriend - I don't need to know it. I think she's just trying to upset me and imply she knows about my past experiences. She's so full of it
Then just tell your SD that
Then just tell your SD that you're not interested in anything that happens at BM's place, that you're sure that she isn't interested in anything that happens in your home either... So no more tattling, ok?
PS
Don't let her get to you.
You asked "how low can BM go?
You asked "how low can BM go?"
The answer: a lot lower. In addition to what tog said above, she could start dating this man, which exposes SD. She could also give this man your address and a rough schedule of when you're home.
I'm not trying to scare you. I'm trying to point out that she may get worse. The question becomes, will silence or action smother her out? I think a combination of you being silent but your DH raising holy hell because his daughter has been involved is probably a good strategy.
That's pretty low and evil.
That's pretty low and evil. Sorry that happened. Keep that in your back pocket for later use. Tell her to go ask her mom if her mom knows the definition of the word sociopath.
Tell DH to tell BM that
Tell DH to tell BM that daughter mentioned said abuser and that if this comes up again he will be sending cops over for well checks and he will be keeping up on this to keep SD safe since her personal good judgement is in question and bringing SD into this mess.
Your husband needs to write
Your husband needs to write an email or text, something that can be recorded to bm telling her that he is disturbed that she is passing messages to your household via their child and ask that if she has any messags for himself or his wife concerning their child(ren) that bm send those directly to him. Any other messages are unnecesary and depending on their content could be considered harrasing. If the inappropriate messages continue legal options will be explored to force bm to stop.
He should also state that he is disturbed that sd was discussing a person who he personally knows has a history of child abuse and that he strongly disagrees with sd being put in a position like that. He should warn bm that should sd be allowed around the abuser that he will take the strongest legal actions he can to protect her and that he recomends that bm does not discuss the abuser with sd again except to tell her to avoid him.
This is the warning message. If bm continues down this path your husband needs to follow through on these warnings and op you should look into what legal options you have too. If this incident is ignored, it will send bm the message that she can continue with this type of harrasement. Send the message now that this is unacceptable and must stop.
DH's lawyer must send a
DH's lawyer must send a letter to BM's lawyer.
"It has been brought to my attention that your client instructed their child "sally" to tell MY clients new wife that your client (mom) was "friends" with a man. Said man sexually assaulted Mrs. New Wife when I was a child myself and served prison time.
Tell your client to spot immediately . IF your client continues to report falsehoods to Sally or anyone else for that matter, I have instructed my client that we are prepared for purposeful actions and all relief the court deems fair and just.
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OP your dh must have his lawyer write a professional letter to bm's lawyer. Demanding stop.
May cost 1 to 200 bucks but--
We had to do this with dh's ex.
PS...mentally unstable BM's
PS...mentally unstable BM's or dads for that matter...have no measuring stick for what is low or lower.
They keep going.
Considering that what she did
Considering that what she did is essentially threatening you (or an attempt by her to be threatening) and that she used her child to deliver this threat, I think she can go much lower. Make sure you protect yourself and make sure your DH is willing to protect you.
Wow, you have a major BM problem
You must totally disengage from her . Thing are going to get worst as time goes on as SK gets older.
"Why is your mother friends
"Why is your mother friends with child molesters? That is the question. Apparently she is such a POS that she chooses her friends from prison inmates, felons and perverts."
Lather, rinse, repeat.
Be careful of ignoring the crap. IMHO it is better to make it clear that crap will be confronted and that the Skids will have the facts necessary to protect themselves from a toxic parent.
I am sorry you experienced that tragic crap as a kid. Don't tolerate it from BM as an adult.
Good luck.