You are going to just have to get over it. If you aren't, you shouldn't be married. He goes those places with her because he sees no connection to you in them, I suggest you work to get to that same place. I have never been divorced, so I can't imagine how that feels, especially since it was 14 years, but you have to move on with your life, as he is his.

My ex and I were married for 18 years, and I left because of abuse. My DH and I have made a point to go to places that Ex and I went to so we can make new memories over the old ones. A couple of years ago, we stayed at the same state park that my Ex and I honeymooned. Unfortunately, I cannot go to where DH and his Ex honeymooned because they stayed two weeks in Hawaii. Not in the budget, and I would much rather use that kind of money to go to the UK.

There's a little town that I absolutely love. I went there with Ex, and DH went there with his Ex. We now go there every fall, and it has become OUR place. Maybe you and your DH should do that. Go to the old places and make new and good memories. Don't worry about your Ex and his new wife. Make them irrelevant to your life. If you keep looking back, you're never going to be happy.

I was married for 17 1/2 years when I left. I couldn't care less if he got married or took some woman to some place we'd been.

If it isn't negatively affecting our children, I could care less. It took me a year to get to that point but mostly over kid stuff.

If you have sour grapes over where he's taking his new wife, you aren't over him PERIOD. I hate to say this but you better get over it, like yesterday or you'll be looking at divorce #2.

I'm not trying to be ugly but you can't build a healthy new relationship, having sour grapes over your ex's new relationship. It sounds like you weren't ready to let go of the ex before you got married as you thought you were.

Really if you aren't indifferent, which means not mad, sad, happy, guilty, irritated or etc, then you are ready to move on.

First, don't assume things are so much better. I am sure everyone thought your situation was great when you were with him too, but there was abuse and violence even while he was taking you to all those wonderful places to do fun things.
Second, he is most likely taking her to those places because he likes them. He may have taken others before you. It has nothing to do with you.
Third, if you are feeling like the grass is greener, why don't you talk to your current DH about the needs he is not meeting? That would be waaayyy more productive than looking back over the fence you jumped to get away from your EX.

Well, I'm from the other side of the fence. DH used to always take me places that he went with ex wife and it made me mad. I didn't want him doing the same stuff with me that he did with her ass! WTF? I guarantee you that the new wife doesn't like that shit anymore than you do. It pissed me off to no end that he went to all those places with her first!

For me I have Rags' Three Day Rule. It only hurts really bad for 3 days. Then each day it gets a small bit better until eventually after going through the 2-4 year grieving and recovery process it is nothing more than the occasional unpleasant memory.

Of course my breakups were not abuse related so things may be a whole lot different in an abuse breakup situation.

It sounds to me that you are in the occasional unpleasant memory phase.

Interestingly after I remarried following my XW running off with her geriatric Fortune 500 executive sugar daddy I would occasionally run into my XILs. My new bride and I moved back to the city where I had met and married my XW and we did many of the things and frequented many of the places my XW and I had when we were married. Interestingly I have never run into my XW at least not where she saw me. I did see her once about 10 years after our divorce when she was at dinner with her kids and their Sperm Donor. She looked like she had been rode hard and put up wet for that ten years. It was actually very sad to me to see her so obviously unhappy. She was a dynamic, beautiful, college athlete when we met, dated, and married. She was old before her time (she was in her mid 30s when I saw her at the restaurant) and a testament to how destructive abandoning your character can be.

I was at a business dinner with clients and we were in a large corner section when my XW and her brood walked it. My client had requested that restaurant for the meeting. It was a favorite of my XILs. For more than an hour she groused at her kids and at her now geriatric Fortune 500 executive sugar/baby daddy husband. He did not marry her until she spawned him two sons. I heard that from my parents who had run into my XSIL and had lunch with her.

Frequenting enjoyable places and doing enjoyable activities is probably a fairly normal thing for a divorced man. Your XH probably did not give a thought to the fact that he was doing with his new bride the things he had done with you. It never entered my mind and still does not when my bride and I go place and do things that my XW and I have done.

Not sure why. Maybe just that men tend to compartmentalize and the XW file never gets opened at the same time as the new bride file.

Take care of yourself and don't sweat the XH's life. Live and enjoy your own.

IMHO of course.

Focus on making new memories with your new husband. Who cares what your ex does? I feel kinda bad for his new wife, that he is taking her to all the same places you went with him. I would hate to be her. Unless, like someone mentioned above, he is making it a point to make new memories with her at those places. And if that's the case, then so be it. You recognize that these feelings make you appear to be sour grapes, that a good step, but now you have to take the steps to get to the point that you just don't care. I don't tell my ex the things I do with DH. It's not his business.

Not everyone's time line for getting over things is the same. 5 years after my divorce, I started grieving the loss of my marriage. I don't know why, but I did. I cried all the time. Then my ex remarried. He and his new wife bought a $900,000.00 home and their combined income is close to $300,000.00 a year.

Just so everyone knows I did not stalk my ex. I know how much the their home cost because I saw the new homes sign showing the "starting" price of the new homes in that community; I know how much my ex makes and a friend told me his new wife makes more than he does. She is a government employee (and so am I) so it didn't take much to figure out approximately what pay grade she is.

I'm the one that left my marriage. My ex worked all the time and if he wasn't working, he was golfing, fishing or boating. He did anything he wanted and rarely included me and the kids. I felt like a single mother when I was married. It was just me and my kids most of the time.

I purchased a townhouse - nowhere near the cost of my ex's new home. My income is a smidgen of my ex and his new wife's. About a month or so after I started grieving, I realized I had a great life. For some reason I was focusing on the ex’s life and living in the past. Yes, I own a small townhouse worth only $200,000, but it's all mine! Yes, my income is a smidgen of theirs, but my money is all mine to do with it as I please. I have healthy kids and I love them with all my heart. I have a great man in my life. He loves me unconditionally and everyday he makes me happy. I started focusing on the positive things in my life and I stopped crying. I realized I have nothing to be sad about.

So my advice is to focus on the positive things in your life. My hope for you is once you start focusing on the present and the positive things in your life, you will realize how wonderful your life really is.

It passes. Some "get over a divorce" before the word is out of their mouth and they are onto the next thing. In the past I was slightly horrified at women who moved on quickly without an apparent backward glance. Disposable society. However, a few months after my own divorce I remember thinking that now I had an opportunity to recreate myself and choose a partner who was a better fit. I was elated and, oh, did nothing about that thought. I was busy raising a toddler and learning to live alone.

For a few years, ex-DH and I would speak for hours on the phone almost every night. Child was too young to do much chatting, so it was just best friends who were divorced on the phone ... I believed every-time he would say: "We'll always be a family." and "I love you guys." I believed that an EX would not spend 3 hours a night on the phone unless he was investing in something. I believed him. I grieved and I secretly hoped and I believed.

So, I'm a slow learner. I am one who is slow to recover and move on ... I promise: It gets better. Your ex-DH probably takes new wife there because it's a great place and he already feels comfortable there. Not rocket science and probably not malicious. (And being male, your Ex probably doesn't put too much thought into the choices. - Rags, I know, that was a sexist comment.)

Perhaps you remarried on the rebound. During those first few months after my divorce, if I'd met someone who was semi-nice, I might have jumped at the chance to be held/loved/cherished ? Okay. Bet you can find a dozen other women on this board who have done the same whether they admit it or not.

It took me over a decade ... well, I was a "Thirteen-Year-Virgin" when I reconnected with my FDH. Some of us just take longer.

AND, it is an absolute pisser when you see that your ex has learned from you. Learned how to dress and how to cook and ... I read a text that ex-DH sent to his mistress years ago and what really torqued me off is that he used MY LANGUAGE to her. The guy who thought "Conan the Barbarian" was a good novel, texted: "I am so blessed to have you in my Life." For Pete's Sake, that's what I used to say to him. Dang. I wish that he had those words when I met him rather than ... "I brought my motorcycle into the family room to work on since the garage was too cold."

Lighten up a bit. Grieving takes an ebb and flow. Sometimes grief circles back to toast our butts, but it does get better. BTW: bet your memory is better than your past reality.

As other posters have mentioned, look to your now and your future.

Not to be mean, but perhaps you should work on your own happiness, and not worry about his. Whether he is happy or not is no longer your concern.

I am remarried, and very happy with my husband. I love him dearly. My ex, although I have no ill will towards him, I could care less what he is doing.

Perhaps you need to go into to therapy to work on you and to get over your feelings towards him. Then you may be able to build your own happiness.

Perhaps you two weren't good together, but can be better people apart.

These are good questions to ask a counselor. Are you hurt that becoming a dad didn't make him grow up? Or are you holding on to past resentments that were between the two of you?

If you still have to deal with him regularly, I get how it could be difficult for you to just move on. Most of the time, when people move on from exes, they move on, as in they never have to see that person again. But not only do you have to see him, you still have to deal with him about the child you share. A counselor can help you figure out how to move on emotionally while still having to deal with him. Hopefully, some of my suggestions will help.

As I mentioned before, see a counselor. If money is an issue, contact your YWCA, a pastor, and/or your state/country's department of mental health/human services. Unfriend and block this man and his wife from your facebook and social media accounts. He abused you so he is not worthy of seeing what goes on in your life or knowing what goes on in yours that isn't related to your child. Look into a program called Our Family Wizard. I highly recommend that. It can help minimize conflict, keep everyone up to date and is devoid of adult emotions. It helps keep things purely about the kids. http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/ofw/

When talking with/texting/emailing him, keep it solely about the kids. Write "keep it about the kids" down as a reminder if necessary.

Most importantly, don't use your child as a weapon. This guy was a dick to you, but if he has truly straightened up, your child should have the chance to get to know and work out their issues with their dad. Your child has a chance to reconnect with dad. So many people don't, and have dads who never get it together.

In some ways, grief never really goes away. It just lessens and becomes less acute as time goes by. But it lurks in little corners of your psyche, and you never know what will bust it out.

I was married for 20+ years. In the months and years immediately after the divorce, I wasn't aware of grief because I was consumed with trying to cope with full custody of three very challenging children and the efforts of my ex and his clan to alienate them. I still have traces of PTSD from the ordeal. If he hadn't used the children to torment me, I wouldn't have given him a backward glance. I was done with him for at least 3 years before I kicked his sorry ass out.

I moved on. I dated lots, and eventually one of them took. I recently remarried, and I'm very happy. (Except for the skid. You know how that goes.)

Ten years after our divorce, my ex was diagnosed with a terminal cancer. It fell to me to sit with our disabled son, who spent many hours at his father's bedside. Each night, after leaving the hospice, I came home and cried my eyes out. This went on for weeks. The depth of my grief surprised me. My ex was such a bastard to me, he harmed our children so gravely, and I'd been so glad to see the back of him. By the time we divorced, I hated him. Apparently none of that mattered. I grieved anyway.

OP, I would think carefully about why you're reacting the way you are. The marriage is officially over, but presumably you once loved this man. Some part of you remains attached. Honor that, but figure out how to avoid or at least help yourself through bouts of sorrow. Don't wallow.

But do be patient with yourself. Grief can surprise you.

Good luck.