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How the hell is he not in a diabetic coma?

Evil stepmonster's picture

There was a tournament out of town this weekend and ExH wanted to take all the kids and have a boys weekend. Ok, sounds cool and they'll all havc fun. Plus, I was planning on trying some new cake recipes I had found and this way I wouldn't have little people up my butt asking to when it will be ready and yada yada yada.
DH took this in an entirely different way. He took as it he was going to get all of his kids so they can all spend the night...yup, including Redface Magee.
Oh joy...just what I wanted.
So, Friday I get all the stuff to do my baking Saturday. I told DH that was what I planned on doing even before I knew my kids were leaving so I didn't want anyone bugging me when I'm trying this out because I've never made these before so I have to pay close attention to what I'm doing. He said no problem.
Saturday morning comes around and DH wakes me up with breakfast. Nice little surprise. He went and bought donuts and breakfast sandwhiches for everyone. The morning actually didn't go to bad. dPPP still hates my dogs, but I'm pretty sure she's not their favorite person either. I still told her that no, I will not be keeping them in a cage all damn weekend because they have not done anything wrong. DH actually backed me up.
Now comes the afternoon and I'm iching to get to my baking experiments. I get all my stuff out, the bowls, mixer, decorating bag, and the tips and start.
I get the first one baked and it smells really good. DH is the only one who has come in there to bug me about when it will be done, but it was more in a joking way. So the cake is out, on the tray, it's cooled and ready to be iced. That's when the shit hit the fan.
I get the icing spatula out, get my bags ready and the coloring. I go to get my icing and open it. WTH??? It's empty. Surely I would have noticed if I had picked up an empty container when I was shopping. But then again I was in a hurry and had alot on my mind. So, I grab the next jar...empty. Ok, I know I couldn't have made that mistake twice and it's not like alot of people go to grocery stores and eat the icing and put the jar back. I had six icing jars...all were empty. As I'm getting the last jar out to throw away I see my sprinkles. I usually have a bunch, all colors and different shapes and sizes. About 8 things of sprinkles...all empty.
Then I kept digging, our coco...all gone. My honey, there's about 1/4 of the bottle left. I look in the fridge. My soda...all gone. The little gogurts I get for the kids...all gone. And I shop at sams club so most of this stuff is in bulk. The cherries I had gotten, gone. I open the freezer, a cheese cake that wasn't ours is gone. It was from the school fundraiser and it belonged to a friend of DH's who hadn't stopped by to get it. The icecream...gone. I look back in the pantry and the specialty dog cookies I got for the dogs are gone. I only got four, one for each dog and they're made by a dog bakery, looks and smells like cookies with icing but is all good for dogs. ALL FOUR ARE GONE.
At this point I am so pissed off my hands were shaking. I told DH about it all. He asked if there was a chance my kids ate any of the stuff.
No, they wouldn't eat the cheese cake because they knew it wasn't ours, they've never wanted to eat dog food before and they were with me when I got them and knew that those cookies were actually dog food. The icing I got last night when they were not here and the sprinkles...I guess it's possible that they could shaked some on their tongues but when I put the icing up last night I saw the bottles, and they weren't empty. They know better than to drink my sodas and I got the cherries last night too.
And of course none of his little angels knew anything about it. They were all sitting on the couch while DH was trying to figure out who it was and all promised and swore that it was not them. They would never do anything like that. DH even turned to me and said "I do believe them. They know not to lie to me. And they all promised."
Ok DH, I looked at his darling little babies and said.."All of you, stick out your tongues" Which they all did. And there he was...caught red tongued. Redface Magee. Once DH told him that he could tell from the color of his tongue and the fact that reeked of frosting he finally confessed to it.
He waited till every one went to sleep, and then ate any and every thing that was sugary he could get his hands on. DH found out he had stayed up until 4 am binge eating and playing video games. DH spanked him, grounded him from everything and did it do any good?? I don't think so. We were woken up about 1am Sunday morning by Redface throwing an absolute fit. He was in his room all day and did not see me install the pad lock on the pantry or the chain and lock put on the fridge and freezer. So, after the talking to grounding that DH swore would work, he was going to eat everything again.

Ninji's picture

Wow, how can anyone eat 6 cans of frosting let alone all that other stuff. And dog cookies? I just can't imagine how mad I would be.

Evil stepmonster's picture

I don't know, I think I would have thrown up had I tried eating that much sugar in one night.

Evil stepmonster's picture

No, I threw the cake I had made away and told DH I would try it a differnt day. I was no longer in the mood to bake. I put the locks on everything. DH wasn't real happy about it but I wasn't concerned with that anymore. The fact that he tried it again should have told him something, but I'm sure his little babykins wasn't at fault at all.

onthefence2's picture

A real dad would have had that kid working off the sugar all day to repay for the stuff he consumed. But I think there is a bigger problem here. That is just not normal. Nobody in their right minds eats that much sugar in one night. My son13 is a sugar addict and couldn't do that if he tried.

Evil stepmonster's picture

We told BM1 about this and she said this has actually happened before at her house. She giggled like it's funny or something. I think now if he is sleeping over we might have to sleep on the couch to make sure nothing is messed with.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

OMG!! I would lock up every single morsel of food! I'm guessing the kitchen is open and there's no door. Buy a freaking camp toilet and lock that bloody sugar-aholic in his room during the night. That's insane and the BM is a complete moron for thinking that is funny. That kid needs serious help.

Evil stepmonster's picture

I would have thought he would have gotten sick too, but from what his mother said this happens at her house quite a bit. I only had 3 sodas in the fridge, the other stuff I'm not sure why he'd throw any of it away. But he definitely ate some of it. But this was over a six hour period. We went to bed at 930, he said he waited till he knew we were asleep and then ate all of it while he was playing video games until 4am. I know just thinking about all that stuff makes me feel woozy too. My kitchen has locks all over it now. I use to love my kitchen.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

BioMonster has turned the skids into junk food fanatics. The only meals she "cooks" are premade microwave or oven meals. Most times, they eat carryout pizza and fast food. Their house is chock full of sugary soft drinks, potato chips, cookies, snack cakes, frozen pizzas, etc. When they stay with us, DH makes them eat veggies and drink milk or water and only allows them one soft drink a day (this after we discovered they drank an entire case of Mountain Dew in one weekend - all the cans were in their bedroom). DH has to hide any cookies or snack cakes in our bedroom or they will be gone in a flash.

I bought a small bag of my favorite potato chips, ate some, and DH put the bag on the kitchen table. Not even 5 minutes later, PrincASS15 is asking if he can have some (knowing they are MINE and a rare treat). I just looked at DH for a minute, then said "I guess so", turned and walked away. Little sh*t ate half the bag. I don't even want the darn things now and plan to throw them away after DH goes to work.

I think it's too late to instill good eating habits in them, but they will darn sure eat healthy homemade meals at our house or not eat at all.