How to force yourself to love your Step child
I don't even know where to start. I guess I could start with how I feel about myself, my situation, towards my 10 year old step child. I feel evil, disgusting, resentful, hopeless, undeserving. I feel as if I should be grateful as everyone is in good health and there aren't any real financial burdens. When I was 18 I met my spouse. We dated but broke up after about 1.5 years because our paths were headed in two very different directions. About 2 years later he reached out to me. I still loved him. We ended up getting back together but this time he was divorced and had a young daughter. Regardless, we worked things out and got back together and eventually had two children together. Stepdaughter has never known her mom and dad to be together. As far as she knows I have always been with her dad. I met her when she was 2. She lived with her grandparents and mom for the first 4 years and came to us full time mid-kindergarten. Presently, she has been with us since then, mom still has primary custody and has been receiving child support from my husband for the entire time. Whatever though, he's got his daughter and I feel that is the most important thing. He's a good father and he deserves to have his child. Mom doesn't really care in the sense that normal mothers do/should. I have always struggled with SD, just as everyone does with her. She is highly intelligent and manipulative for her age and expects constant attention. I would think that because I have known her since she was 2 that I would overcome this dislike of her and I have grown to care for her but I don't like being around her or doing things with her. I love that the pandemic is over and I can drop her off at school and not have to deal with her until 430. I dread picking her up. WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS? I loath weekends because she's home all day and there's no school. Sometimes I can forget and we can just be, but it always bubbles up into more. I get angry at the things she does and her behavior and though I don't physically/verbally abuse her, my actions are not necessarily acceptable when dealing with a 10 year old child. BUT I CANT HELP IT! I become this irritated angry person with her around. I don't want to be that person. I can fake niceness/customer service with anyone and everyone but not when it comes to dealing with her. Why do I become so angry and powerless when she's around. She's 10 I'm 32(almost). I should be mature enough and strong enough to deal with a child, especially since I am a mother now. How do I at least pretend to like her to keep my husband and I happy. He stuck up for her tonight, and rightly so, and it led to him getting very angry with me for not handling the situation correctly. I feel so helpless, and it creates an ugliness inside me. I want to be good and loving but I just can't. Any words of advice would greatly be appreciated. I could go on all night but I'm going to stop myself here. Thanks for reading!