Yeah, I got that in the very early stages of my relationship with SS (he was 7 then). I told him that he was right, I am not his mother. But I am his stepmother, which is also a very important job and one that I take seriously. My job means that he can come talk to me whenever he wants to, that I am there to help him with any problems he's having, that I can help kiss the booboos, and that if I see him doing something wrong, I can help him make it right.

He was mostly confused on what to call me. So he gave me a special name and has used that ever since. That ironed out the kinks of "not being mum".

Well perhaps being a little flippant? Like "Well thank goodness for that....and your point is?" or "Are you sure??.....really?" or "Very very good, you get an A, would you like a gold star or a cookie?" Just kidding....but it would be nice...actually It may be appropriate for a teen.

When my SD5 said this to me the first time I said "Then who am I? She said "Your my step mom". I said your step what? She said mom. I said what? She said mom.....I said...WHAT...she screamed MOM...I said....I thought you just said I wasnt your mom? She looked at me dumbfounded. I said you have two moms silly BM and me...and she laughed. I asked her if she knew why I was her other mom and she said "because you married daddy" and I said...that is right and praised her for being so smart. I try to make those convo's positive so that she doesnt see my SM role as a negative.

I haven't heard that in long time. I used to simply reply..."I may not be your mom, but I am THE mom in this house".

I couldn't tell you how many times I heard that when DH wasn't around. (I don't recall one time they ever said it to me when DH was home.) Ohhhh, how bad I wanted to come back with a simple yet excited, "Thank God!". However, considering the best interest of the children, my reply was usually, "I realize I'm not your mom. However, I am the one responsible for you when your parents aren't here".

Though my SS has never actually said "Your not my dad" he did come home from visitation with the SpermClan and say "(SpermGrandMa) says that you are not my real dad and that you are only my StepDad. What's a StepDad?".

His mom and I married when he was 1yo and to him I have always been Dad. We did not require him to call me dad. I was just the first person he ever called dad(dy). When my wife and I were dating she used to tell him about his dad (dickhead) and point to a picture of him (dickhead) on the wall and ask where is daddy? The baby would point at the picture.

After we had been dating for about 3mos she asked him where is daddy and he pointed at me. From then on I was daddy. He did not start talking until he was nearly 2yo but I was the first person he ever called dad(dy).

My response to his recounting of SpermGrandMa's comment was to tell him that a dad is someone who goes to work every day to provide a nice and safe place to live, safe transportation, good food, teaches him to use the bathroom, to read, write, ride his bike, coaches his baseball team, swim team, soccer team, meets with his teachers, goes to his games and concerts and loves him and his mom very much.

He looked at me and said "Sounds like a real dad to me".

A few years later he came home with "(SpermGrandMa) says you are not my real dad and that I can't call you dad any more".

My response was "Dad has been good enough for more than 10 years. If you can't call me Dad any more than you can call me Mr.(Last Name Here)". He looked at me, smiled and said "Your my dad".

That was it.

So far we have not had to deal with this issue. Now that he is out of HS and nearly 18 we will see if it crops up.

Best regards.

I have had my kids, years ago tell DH he was not their dad.. I stepped in and said.. nope he is not your dad.. but you are living in his house and have no problem wiht the money he spends on you.. so you will either respect him or move out.. they chose the respect..

I prefered to say something that clearly identified my role in his life. He said your not my mom/mother/momma...whatever. I would respond with "i know i'm not YOUR mom, but I am THE mom in this house" I would also explain that being the mom in my house, i do expect respect from him. i have rules that he should follow, and i am willing to do anything that he needs me to do (clipping nails, washing clothes, preping food, etc)
Seemed to work, no longer an issue...i did have to repeat this many times

I have said, "you should be thankful I am not your mom, because if I was, you would get such a smack"

I have only gotten that only once and much to my surprise (and happiness) my husband stepped in and said, "No she is not your mom, but she is your stepmom and you will treat her with respect. She is your stepmom no matter where you are and I am your daddy no matter where you are and you will always be nice when you talk to or about either one of us. That is my rule, any questions?" It hasn't happened since.

I haven't gotten hit with that one, but as a former stepchild I know it's a phrase that will come up at least once in my time as a stepparent. I'd recommend, "You're right, I am not, but I am an adult in this household and I will be respected as one."

When they ask you for something (money, a ride, lunch, etc.) say 'You're not my kid!'

Just kidding.

Kind of.

They all do it, it is a test. In my case my SF was the only Dad I ever had, no contact with BD since I was 2. But I tried it out with him when I was about 13 when I didn't get my way. Didn't work out so well for me because my Mom jumped my butt when she got home and told me he is the only Dad who has been here for me since I was a baby. " He is your Dad." with examples of things he had done for me. Does not apply to most of you, but if I did it knowing he was my "Dad",then those with less of a connection are probably going to do it too. More than likely it is in an effort to take the pressure off of themselves and put it somewhere else.

I started out with the Your right, I am just another person in your life that cares for you. Your right, treat me like a teacher or babysitter. I am not your mother, you have a very good one that loves, I am a bonus..

Later: Your right... and you should be damn lucky.

Three weeks ago: Correct, I am the landlord and you are a tenant--- without a lease.

DH got the question from SS when he turned 18, and SS was challenging the rules of living here as an adult: Just who is SHE, I wanna know.

DH: My wife. SHE is the person, who feeds you, picks up after you, teaches you, supports your activities, helps you with homework, pays for your vacations, and has put up with more than her fair share of your B.S. So get with the program or move.

SS moved out.