How do you feel about kids having to earn things?
I feel that kids should have to earn things they want. Not EVERYTHING of course, but I don't think they should just be given something any time they ask - CDs, DVDs, clothes, money for movies, etc. My DH was extremely poor growing up and had to work for everything (school clothes, sports equip.) starting at a very young age. Because of that, he wants to give his kids a totally different childhood than what he had. He says if we can afford it, then what's the big deal. How do I get him to see that this can be harmful? We've talked about this quite a bit, and I think he kind of understands where I'm coming from, but things don't seem to change. OSD asked for money ALL the time and felt entitled to everything. On the plus side, YSD doesn't really ask for much, but she just entered her teen years so I'm sure things will change eventually. Just wondering what kind of guidelines people have when it comes to handing out money? Thank you.
Mother of Starla
Mother of Starla here,
Interesting question. Here is a thought. How about if you agree to pay half only... if she wants it bad enough she has to pay for half. The benefit is that it will teach her responsibility when it comes to money and also allows her dad to have the feeling he is giving her more than what he had growing up.
We pay for 1/2 of any big
We pay for 1/2 of any big ticket items like 100.00 and over and after it has been discussed. For smaller things SD pays 100% like her nails being done and extra clothes and accessories.
I buy my kids clothes and
I buy my kids clothes and such. They rarely get things like random video games, dvds, cds-etc. That is for bdays and xmas. I do give them money for their social activities-church group events, and extracurriculars.
My dd15 started working a summer job last year. She will again this year as well. My ds13 will also start work this summer after he turns 14. Half of what they earn is theirs to keep-during the time they work I expect them to supply their own spending money out of their paychecks. The other half of their checks go into the bank for a car when they get old enough.
^^^^ Like it!
^^^^ Like it!
just wondering if this is a
just wondering if this is a parenting difference or if he's blowing your household income on his kids' wants? does he pay his share of the bills? do the two of you have savings? retirement taken care of?
That's interesting, my DH
That's interesting, my DH didn't grow up poor but he grew up thinking you have to work for everything you have. So he's been very adamant that they have to earn some of what they get. I think some of it depends on age, and then what the item is that they want. We have that rule with video games. If they want a new one they have to pony up half of the amount of the game and we will pay the other half. I grew up getting whatever I want, and I'll tell you it can give you some issues with learning your limits.
I'm all for having kids earn
I'm all for having kids earn things, even if the parents can afford it. It teaches them about real life! Too many kids seem to think they'll just be handed whatever they want with no effort. All three of our boys (BS16, SS13 and SS8) get the necessities (of course) and some of what they want, but if it's above and beyond, they can save up their allowance and birthday money and whatnot. And if they lose or break something because they're careless? We don't replace it. SS13 lost the Nikes we bought him, so they were replaced with basic sneakers. If he wanted new Nikes, he'd pay the difference. He chose not to since he didn't want to spend his own money on them. It was a good lesson.
"just wondering if this is a
"just wondering if this is a parenting difference or if he's blowing your household income on his kids' wants? does he pay his share of the bills? do the two of you have savings? retirement taken care of?"
He's definitely not blowing our household income on SD. I buy the groceries, but he pretty much pays all the bills. We're fine financially - and that's part of why he feels it's ok. He's always telling me to buy new clothes or whatever because I never spend much on myself. So it's not like he's only buying stuff for SD. And really, it's not that bad. I just worry about the future. Im afraid of what BM will turn SD into. BM is a complete MORON. She has NO money at all, yet she'll buy the SKs anything they want. Can't afford braces, but then she buys OSD a car and a new iphone. F-ing idiot.
I feel like it is good for
I feel like it is good for kids to earn stuff. Both DH and I keep SS in very nice clothes which we would want him in rather he was good or a little crap...though we reward him for doing good in school among other things.
Typically DH will get him something every week he is home - which is 3 weeks. Currently we are getting him a bit bigger gift for while he was gone only because it will also make me feel much better, as he has a four wheeler and was using a used helmet and now he will have his own helmet,gloves and goggles. SS will love it though and typically this is how we do gifts though sometimes it will be him getting a $3 truck or something. DH is really good about making SS behave to get stuff but not necessarily using it as a bribe because even if we say no SS is still a good kid.