How do you disengage when you loath the kid?
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How do you disengage when you loath the kid?
Any suggestions on how to do this and have it work. I seem to wear my disgust on my sleeve when I am around my SO six year old monster. He is the most obnoxious kid I have ever met complete with a nasily crackily voice and his smile is creepy just like his BM (like a serial killer, lol). When I have to be around him I immediatley sort of shut down and just kind of go with the flow. I know my SO knows how I feel about his son but I also know that I need to get better at hiding how I feel...and to be clear the kid likes me and doesn't have anything against me. My SO see's my feelings because he knows they are there!!!
I'm still trying to figure it
I'm still trying to figure it out. SD15 isn't aound all the time but the more she says about me the more I hate her. Its pretty sad
I think a lot depends on
I think a lot depends on where your relationship with SO is and where it is going. Does SO have primary custody? every-other weekend? Are you living together? thinking of marriage? Do you have any joint children?
He has him 50/50 we are
He has him 50/50 we are serious and almost ready to live together. No kids together yet...
^^This. Smart advice. When
^^This.
Smart advice.
When you absolutely loathe something with whom you'll share a home for half the time, it makes NO SENSE to put everyone through that crap.
You don't move in.
You leave the relationship.
You find a man who you can love and who's life you can fully participate in.
I am hoping he starts getting
I am hoping he starts getting his kid EOW due to scheduling issues! LOL is that bad to wish that....
.
.
It IS a possible solution.
It IS a possible solution. You just don't like it.
Oh, well.
How much do you think this kid will like living with a woman who hates him?
How much do you think your BF will love seeing your hate registered on your face/sleeve whenever his beloved son is around?
This will end badly for you. It may take a few years. But it will. I have no doubts.
I take the alcohol and
I take the alcohol and narcotics route every other weekend. Works well for me.
It will be really, really
It will be really, really hard to live with SO and his son if you loathe him that much. If your emotions are that intense about a 6 year old, can you imagine how'll you will feel about the sassy 16 year old.
Another thing to consider is that while you say the smile and look is his mom's, 50% of his upbringing is being done by your SO; the same SO that you may end up having a child with.....he'll use his same parenting skills on your mutual child as he does on his current son.
It is tough to walk away from a great guy and it is tough to stay in a situation like this.
I think you should give
I think you should give youself some credits here where credit is due. Your step son likes you, that proves right there you have been a darn good step mother. You should congratulate yourself for a job well done.
That been said, The tricky part of being in love is that it can encourage you to be yourself but ups the ante that you might make someone whom you really want to stay change their mind and leave if you show the real you. You want your beloved to be happy now and forever, and the only way to do that is to be who you really are.
It's almost impossible to sustain an illusion over time, and because you are now truly in love, you wouldn't want to hurt your beloved by living a lie. But you also need to be a bit careful of what you confess. Remember that between honesty and duplicity is silence. If you're old enough to be in love, you're old enough to understand the occasional use of silence.
I couldn't stand the sight of my step daughter when I first married DH. There were a lot of resentment issues on my part, (possibly jealousy too) I felt I have sacrified a lot of my first, my happiness, for him and his child. But later on, I realized that my relationship with DH has nothing to do with his child, his mother or his family. I love him and he loves me. My relationship with my step daughter is a brand new relationship, it has nothing to do with her bio mother either. I started getting to know my step daughter. She is witty, very caring, a little helper at times, and she has a beautiful smile that is very unique. I get to know her as an individual.
Try not to think of this boy as his bio mother. He couldn't have the same exact personality as somebody you choose to hate. Try to get to know him as an individual. You will hopefully soon find out he has something very unique, individual, and nice about him.
Good luck to you!
^^^^^^^ Like like like!!!
^^^^^^^
Like like like!!!
This sounds alot like the
This sounds alot like the first few years of my relationship. SD loved me and clung onto me like I was her best friend. However, I disliked just about everything about her, especially her clinginess and acting like a baby all the time, and major attention-seeking behaviour, etc. It frustrated me that I disliked her so much since, like you, my displeasure was very evident (to SO only) and bothered my SO to see that, especially since SD seemed to like and respect me so much. But I NEVER let SD know my feelings and did my best to be kind, caring, and let her have plenty of daddy time without interfering.....
HOWEVER...
7-8 years into my relationship I found out she had been painting me as a MONSTER to her mom. Saying I was threatening her, stealing all her time away from her dad and making up all kinds of other lies. Her mom knew all along she was full of it, so she didn't say anything to us until SD came home saying we didn't want her in our wedding (total fabrication based on a snippet of a conversation SD overheard that actually had nothing to do with her or our wedding). Then BM revealed that SD had started acting out more since SO and I had gotten engaged. After that the curse was broken and SO started to see SD for who she really is, and as a result, thinks I was always justified in my dislike of her and as long as I can maintain a pleasant exterior, he couldn't care less if I actually like her or not since she treated me so badly (behind my back) for so long. I can't say that I totally disengaged but I definitely stopped doing as much stuff with SD. Just knowing that my now DH has seen SD's true colours has made life so much easier and I don't have to feel guilty about my feelings because it turns out my instincts were right all along....
My point is, if your gut tells you you don't like SS or he gives you bad vibes, it's probably for a reason. Even if he's little that doesn't mean he won't grow up to betray you....Your best bet is to catch him in the act or wait until he inevitably reveals his true self to your SO. Chances are you'll feel validated and SO won't bother you for the invisible tension you're creating.