I have a very similar SD. She is only 8 though. But she is also daddy's princess, yet sweet to everyone, smart, good grades, etc. In fact, my FH is LITERALLY a "Disney Dad"...up until this year he had annual season's passes for the two of them and took her to Disney every month! He buys her pretty much anything she asks for within reason. Every time they go to the store, she comes back home with a toy. FH has sole custody (BM has died) and I think he feels guilt also. Like your DH, not for anything HE has done, but just guilt that his daughter doesn't have that perfect nuclear family.

One thing that I have learned is that your DH, like mine, may not realize until later in her life the damage that he is doing. Everything I have read (and I've researched this a LOT), girls that are raised as "daddy's princess" grow up to have difficult relationships with men. The thing is, they grow up thinking that everyone's world is going to revolve around them like daddy's world has. They have the expectation that they are going to be placed on a pedestal the way daddy has done for years. While this is something that would be nice (we'd all love to see our daughters with a man who thinks they've hung the moon!), it's not realistic. In a realistic world, men do not obsess over their wives. Because of this, "daddy's princess", once she's grown, is very dissatisfied with the lack of admiration and attention they get from men they are in a relationship with. Or, the men get sick of the high expectations and leave.

Do some research and print some articles for your DH to read. If you can't find any, get the book "The 7 Worst Things Good Parents Do". There's a whole section about the "Princess syndrome".

Wow...i can relate to both jojo71 and bobsti.....except my spoiled princess is a middle-aged mother with 3 kids. My husband treats this daughter with kid gloves.....buys her everything she wants.....of late, a new car, a trip to the mountains, a house, a business she was interested in...
Guys, I hate to tell you, but,whether your stepkid is 8 or 14, the situation will only get worse with time.It doesn't matter how much time passes,if your husband treats his daughter like a princess now......it will always be the same. It makes them feel good squandering all their time, effort and money on kids who....in the long run, would probably not stick around if daddy did not give them all they wanted.These kinds of Dads have a HUGE guilt complex and I am convinced that you either have to take it or leave it! Obviously, we have all chosen to take it, so far.

Wow, Chillout is right. We have basically all resigned to just take it. When you look at it in that way its the truth, the bone truth. And yet, here we all are being typical women who are looking on this website and others for TOOLS to help us handle and deal with the situation. And again, as we are typical women, we are rushing to help a fellow sister in feeling empathy for one another and helping with as much advice as we can, etc....We are such caregivers always. Then that brings me to this thought. None of these Princesses we have to deal with on a daily basis would ever be in this situation because we put ourselves here by our very giving, understanding and compromising natures, you know? Food for thought. And I do believe it is a guilt complex that men are doing this Disney dad thing and making princesses. I mean, look at Paris Hilton. What relationship has THAT ultimate princess been in, in her entire life for more than 6 mos???? Yeah, it is the case with any just plain 'overindulged and spoiled rotten' child. They grow up not being able to take lifes lumps, bumps and curves at all. I always tell my new husband, "you really and truly are NOT doing her any favors". They think it will make the child truly love them more. But what they are actually doing is just becoming a need like hand lotion or something. You get dry skin, put on more lotion. You run out of money, call daddy. You have a problem, manipulate daddy. Well, finally bobsti, you have to just make your mind up that it is AFFECTING YOUR LIFE so much that you can't function or you are losing your relationships, etc...OR, make your mind up that you are NOT going to let this affect you and partition it in your life, much like you would Irritable Bowel Syndrome; or an allergic reaction to shellfish or something. Goodluck!
PS) Have you read some of these stories about these kids on here that throw things at their step mothers and call them the C-word, and Steal from them, etc...???? To me THAT is when you need to just get the F** out and give up. But it seems to me as long as daddy has the $ and it is not hurting or taking away from you, let it be. It is hard not to be a little jealous too. I think we all feel a bit jealous in a way deep down at the amount of attention, affection and total acceptance these men give their princesses.

Do you think these daddy's just don't realize the damage they're doing? I have just recently started showing FH PROOF through writing by experts that he IS doing her damage. He loves her dearly and has the best of intentions...I just don't think he's ever realized that it could be harmful in any way, otherwise I don't think he would have ever treated her like this. Now that I'm showing him all these expert opinions, books, etc, he has started the slow process of retraining himself and SD8. It's a long road...we all have some work ahead of us, but now that I have FH's head out of the sand and seeing that maybe he's not been doing the right thing by spoiling her with constant gifts and attention, I see him trying to do better.

Well, Jojo.....you are definitely one of the lucky ones if indeed it looks like your FH has seen the error of his ways! I can tell you right now, that blood is thicker than water...and most princesses will always come first in the eyes of their daddys.Most of these dads don't want to listen to any "expert advice" because they don't feel they are doing anything wrong and besides....what if the princess was to leave him forever if , for once, he didn't give in and said"no!"
Most of these spoiled kids know exactly how manipulative they are and how they've got their dad tied around their little finger.I doubt things wull change.....like I said, I have a married, middle-aged princess with 3 kids who still has her dad jumping when she says "boo!"

I agree Chillout. Warning to Jojo here. Don't get your hopes up too high. Over the last five years my husband (though he was a boyfriend at the time) has paid homage to the occasional "yes, I know I've spoiled her, but its' not her fault her parents got divorced, these kids have been through hell", etc...He has occasionally told her no. And do you know what it got him????? Let me tellyou, comming home from work to find the house EMPTY OF HER THINGS and the vehicle he let her drive GONE. No word for months and months from her. She sure taught him a lesson didn't she. You say no to Princess, Princess is gone. Total emotional blackmail. Just be careful jojo, cause if this type thing happens then he will immediatley look at you and say "it would have never happened if she hadn't started bringing up all this shit about what parents should and shouldn't do" and " we were fine until she came along", etc.....

The fact that SD8 is still fairly young gives me some hope though. And the fact that my FH is the type of guy that will take advice from experts. He doesn't really have that know-it-all mentality (thank GOD!). lol Also, I think the fact that he is going to start counciling by himself soon (as long as I keep pushing him...but he did agree to), he'll have another expert telling him the healthy and unhealthy ways of treating her. But trust me, I don't expect things to change overnight...you'll still see me on here venting for a while! lol

I have to say he DOES sound different than most in that he will go to counseling and so forth. That is so positive. I hope it all works out for you girl. And me too on the staying on here to vent. My GOD do I feel good after I've chatted on here. I finally feel NOT SOOOOO ALONE! AMEN! It is true therapy just to be able to talk to someone about it who doesn't have an agenda or an emotional stake in the whole thing you know? Thank God for this site. I had sex last night and the night before too finally, after a long ass month of not even wanting to cuddle with my husband just because I feel so much better now and like things are more in perspective since I came on this site a couple days ago. hahahahaha I feel like I have the strength to go on and do what needs to be done. Take Care!

Do you really think you can get some effective advise here which will turn around a guilty Disneyland Dad and doting grandparents?

Accept the facts then make a conscious decision to quit interfering in this situation. Understand that you are not responsible for how this kid turns out - good or bad.

Life will teach her the lessons she has to learn. Yes it would be nice if you could help her avoid the pitfalls but you are a step-parent. You are helpless. You've made your concerns known and been overruled. Now quit worrying about it and get on with your life.

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It is the right, indeed the duty, of a grandparent to spoil a grandchild.

It is the parents duty to minimize the damage after the fact.

kathryn...i am sooo glad I stumbled on this website too! It has been a mental lifesaver !