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How do you deal with devices?

LevinaFia23's picture

Does anyone give their skid a device like a phone or tag?

A few yrs back when ss switched to being primarily with us bm said she had a phone to give ss dh instantly said no. He's too young and he won't be needing it. He told bm she can call or text him to speak to ss anytime. 

Well now ss is 10 and he seems to be loving school. He wants to sign up for nearly every after school activity that comes around. He will be in middle school next and already thinking about band and sports. We were thinking okay maybe he should have a phone soon. We're thinking to get him a phone this summer. 

Have any of you sent yours with a device of any type OR has the other parent sent them with one. How to you deal with the devices at the other parent home if you do use this. I could imagine dh wanting ss to keep the phone here but then again I'm sure dh also wants a way to reach ss if needed when he's with his mom. Let me know what you all do if so thanks

Rags's picture

We gave SS a phone in 8th grade and that was for our convenience not his.  Picking him after swim practice was a 50+ car waiting line so we would pick him up on a side street rather than wait in the parent pickup car traffic jam.  No smart phone. Just a stick phone with number keys.  Calls and basic texting.

IMHO, your Skid is too  young.  Also, you give him a phone, BM has free access anytime.  


Full disclosure.  My SS is 31yo so this is way past a non issue for us. We are not all that far from 20 years post first phone for our spawn.

Cover1W's picture

OSD got a phone when going into middle school due to the commute and need to travel differently than when in elementary. I think BM monitored her use, but DH didn't. She's be on her phone until 3 am, telling DH this, and he just laughed it off. I'm sure she was into nefaroius things.

YSD also got one when she went into middle school. She didn't want one but we needed her to have one due to the commute. To this day she hardly uses it. 

My neice got one around the same time, but her parents monitored it and removed it from her room at night. She has good phone etiquette now and never abused it.

AgedOut's picture

If you do make the decision to allow him a phone, make sure to set strict guidelines and don't bend the rules. 


I was lucky, I never had to deal with internet, cell phones or anything similar. My youngest son got his first cell phone as a HS graduation gift. I can't imagine the headaches you younger parents have. 

Thumper's picture

Our kids did not have cells until they were working part time to pay for it. We always were where we needed to be, promptly to pick them up. 

BM of course handed her kids cell phones. Trust me they needed them when they were with her because she was rarely with them..

Her cells that she claimed Granny bail out gave them (yeah right)  were not allowed into our home. Court agreed with dh.  BOY oh boy did she pitch a fit.  Oh well.

Then she said we stole one of them. What a loon.

Your child is too young. JMO




Dogmom1321's picture

BM gave SD13 a phone when she was 10. She was and IS still immature to have one. DH allowed it at our house. IMO this is when the problems with SD amplified. 

DH and BM never monitored her usage. Allowed whatever apps she wanted and was allowed to use it in her room by herself. Almost got suspended in 6th grade for cyberbullying. 

IMHO, a cell phone can be done right in certain situations and with certain responsible kids. When both BM and DH don't want "to be the bad guy" and set perameters on the phone, it causes problems. Which is exactly what has happened to SD13. 

LevinaFia23's picture

I can understand one's with kids years ago not having a phone around this age. It makes Total sense. I didn't have my first phone til I was 17yo lol.

Here's the is a dangerous human being. A child has passed away in her care. Yes we took her to court numerous times and yes she lost custody of all her kids. She lives in a corrupt city where I honestly have no clue when enough is enough when it comes to child safety. So we have to put it in our own hands. Ss asked me just last yr what should he do if she basically attacks him....this is serious. So when I got that info he's been in therapy every wk since last yr consistently, still to this day. That was just the beginning.

Well I've also homeschooled both ss10 and ds8 back when they were in 1st and 3rd grade. In that time they had electronics rules to follow to a tee. After 3 yrs of monitoring and  handling electronics I actually don't think they'd misuse a phone really. I really see the issue with bm. The reason for the phone is mainly bc ss wants to do extra curricular. He joined a book club back in Jan and he's now joining a musical opportunity as well coming up. He's talking about middle school activities also. He's a good kid he keeps his grades up and I've been heavily involved in their schooling etc. So it's mainly for after school  things but also I have in the back of mind that time he was nervous when he asked how he could respond if she goes "left'". If he gets a phone the easy answer for me would be sure have the phone buts only for after school activities really. BUT what about the crazy mother? He asked if he could go to a neighbors home for help to call 911...once again this was last yr and shocked me alot bc he never rly talks abt his mom or anything that happens there. U can see the concern here but idk what do you think with this added info? Or what tips would you say to your child? It's insane much more proof does that county need to put her in jail? 

Dawn-Moderator's picture

The first cell phone we got my ss was a non smart phone that could be used to call for a ride or talk to the other parent.

No internet access and not as expensive to replace if lost or broken.  Of course sooooo uncool!!!

BethAnne's picture

In my mind this is the best idea. If the purpose of the phone is communicating with parents then a simple non-internet connected phone is best, especially at the age of 10. 

Dawn-Moderator's picture

Good thing too because you never know when you're at your mom's house and she takes you to ride on the ferris wheel. Consequently causing your phone to fly out of your pocket and crash on the ground.....hmmmm(true story!)LOL

PetSpoiler's picture

My SS got his first phone at about 13?  Can't really remember. It was way before smart phones.  I felt he was too young and thought it was stupid but BM gave it to him and as long as I didn't have to pay for it and dh didn't have to pay for it, I didn't really care.  She didn't keep minutes on it for him so he didn't get another one until he started working and could pay for it himself.  He's in his thirties, so my attitude towards kids having phones was different than it is now.  Teens and kids were just starting to have phones during that time and I thought it was crazy at the time.  I came around to thinking differently later. My kids, who are teens, were given a phone the middle of sixth grade.  We felt it was best so when they'd go off with friends or go on band trips, they could communicate with us.  

LevinaFia23's picture

Yes this is what im.thinking. He's already done am after-school activity this yr and starting another next month. There's been times I wish I could reach him sooner for pick up. 

That's great the phone didn't seem to interrupt your household. Bm wanted to give him one when he was 8yo now that made no sense bc he was just switching to us and there was no use so we know it'd only been to keep tabs on him so dh said no immediately. But now it would be good if we got him a jus unsure if we should send him with it. Maybe it should stay here but dh was thinking maybe he could take a watch. Thinking of ideas or how to keep his things and himself safe while over there. Thanks for sharing

Rumplestiltskin's picture

When my SO's son, now 14, was entering middle school, he was getting off the bus at SO's house every day, even on BM's days. Being home alone, SO thought he should have a phone. BM will not allow it in her house because it came from me (I got my kid a new phone and gave SS their old one.) She thinks i would somehow use the phone to spy on her. Lol. Like i would have the energy or desire to do any such thing. But then she hasn't bothered to get him one. SS has called SO from random people's phones during BM's custody time when he has been left someplace and didn't have a ride home. This poor SS can't do any extracurriculars due to BM's craziness. It's a shame. There's only so much a stepparent (or stepgf in my case) can do. Maybe if SO had got the phone and presented it like it was a gift from him to BM, for SS to use, this crazy hag would have allowed SS to use it over there. At least he has it to use at SO's house, which is the majority of the time. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

50/50 overnight but he is with SO every afternoon on BM's M-F from 3-7-ish. A big reason we still don't live together. Daily exchanges are a no for me, especially with such a flaky BM who requires 10 phone calls for each exchange, even though the "schedule" has been the same for years. The b can't follow a schedule or be on time to save her life. 

floralsm's picture

Toxic ass BM gave SS11 and SD9 phones behind DH back and without consulting him on the decision. SS11 is mature...ish to have one now as he will be starting high school next year and will definetly need one. SD9.. no. WAY too young to have it. DH confronted them on the content he found on there so now they do not bring their phones here. They also took their location settings off their snapchat so we cant see them anymore. SS foolishly changed the passcode to his phone so DH cant get into it and can't remember it and is locked out of his phone. So... he doesn't have one now. SD is on TikTok and Snapchat and YouTube.. god knows what else. Out of DH control until he gets a court order in place.