How did you arrange your finances once you married?
Married last year in April and already separated after 6 months (due to mini wives (SD 21 and SD 19) manipulative involvement, and my DH supporting and believing his adult daughters lies over me)... Long story but I was prepared to break up than to accept treatment from him like he was expecting me to accept... Fast forward to Jan this year and he has since moved back in with me. I own the home and over the years, my DH has contributed to some major renovations ( which allowed his 3 kids to live FT with us)...and now none of them live with us anymore (whoooo hoooo) and I am completely 110% disengaged from his adult daughters and I only enquire now and then about his son16.5 ( who is now living independently in a rental apartment with another teenager set up by his mother who abandoned him years before)... I digress... In other words, his kids are no longer involved in our marriage, other than when they contact him for money and perhaps to see him should they want to, and he will visit them outside of the marital home.. I do not care I'm not invited as I wouldn't waste my valuable time wanting to spend time with manipulative, using, bludging people anyway. No Loss on my part. His family is so toxic.
My question though is about money and I'm trying to stay positive about things in order for us to put the past behind us and to move forward together. He makes more money then me ( but I own the property) and I have a permanent professional career that makes decent money but not as much as him. He still provides for his son and I know for a fact still supports his adult bludging daughters... His choice. We both contribute $500 a week to the house/savings account. I have to contribute $600 a week however as I also owe for my car payment on top as it comes out of that account as well. I would have had to pay it even if it comes out of my own personal account as It was set up to come out of that account instead. I also bring in an extra $150 a week from a boarder is renting a room ( it used to be SS16s room my DH converted and I am now renting it out for $150 a week.) DH however contributes a flat $500 a week. Anyway, I'm looking to drop down my hours at work so I can pursue a career change and go back and do some more study and look to go into my own business hopefully next year. I need however to cover my share as agreed. I am independent and don't expect my DH to financially support me, but I do get really resentful when I know he is supporting his ADULT daughters who work casual hours so they can chase their dream ( one is a surfer and works PT and the other ( whom I despise the most is purchasing a $40k horse and thinks she's a top class equestrian... She's not even close)...and she has recently lost her drivers licence and blames her father for not paying her car registration and having bald tyres because he didn't pay the rego or buy her news tyres!!! I don't begrudge my DH continuing to support his son as he is still underage.
The two mini wives text and ring him constantly and I see him transfer money online into their accounts. I have to get up and leave the room it disgusts me that much....The same when they ring ( on Valentine's day as a recent example so they can see him).... I will leave the room. I never say to my DH that can't have a relationship with his kids but I choose not to be involved in his life where his kids are concerned, as I can't stand the hypocrisy. I guess I'm a threat to the mini wives as far as their fathers attention and money is concerned...
But that's the thing.. I'm married to him but we live financially separately. It's the weirdest feeling as i value my husband and I having each other's back and knowing he's there to catch me if I fall ( or loose my job or want to change careers).... But I don't feel that with him. He even mentioned to me he was going to loan a good friend of his $5000 as he was struggling and I was like WTF!! I calmly tried to explain that I do things differently and put us first... And then he was all defensive saying we never go without...wtf... Yes we do... Well I do as I pay my own way and I'm paying off the car he is currently driving as he smashed his ( he is going to get a replacement one and he was thinking about getting a 4WD and I got all excited as I said then I could sell my 4WD and pay off my car loan and he can drive my other car when I need to drive the 4WD to my horse competitions on the weekends I need it... He said no... Sigh... I dont feel like he treats me like a wife at all as it's like we are more Like two flat mates sharing a house together who happen to sleep together. Is this how second marriage are?
In my first marriage everything was a shared pot and we both had each others backs. But then neither of us had skids. Am I unreasonable for feeling resentful?