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Notup4it's picture

Has anyone experiencd where the GUBM wouldn’t abide by CO to sell the house? 

DH kindly agreed to not sell for 3 years in the original agreement to allow her time to get things in order, etc. However, when that agreed time came (from the original divorce agreement) she just ignored it-   and so DH went to court many times with her manipulating and lying and getting extensions to see if she could refinance.  She kept not producing documents and saying it was close and just needed more time and playing games for years with these 6 month extensions kept being granted. It was extremely expensive process.

Now it has FINALLY been ordered to put the signs up, and she is supposed to give the agent access when given 24 hrs notice...,. Which of course she isn’t listening to even get signs up.... keeps making excuses and this is only to get it listed.

This woman has never abided by even one of the hundreds of court orders over the years that have been given. The kids are fully alienated and she has extreme borderline personality disorder.

Her name isn’t on this house, and DH pays for it.  His lawyer said that if she doesn’t cooperate next week or in the future to have someone come when she isn’t there and change all locks. As she will be fined heavily going to court now, but it will also cost DH another $5000 to file the contempt charges and get her evicted as well. The lawyer is saying he can do this legally with the order he has now and because he is the owner. I don’t want us to pay ANOTHER $5000 on top of the 30k we already owe and the 90k we have already given the lawyer over the past year to fight this woman. 

Also she is nuts and will most certainly retaliate if locks are changed- and she has done absolutely insane things in the past. I worry about it- she is not stable at all. Even though the kids are fully alienated and she won’t budge and just refuses to abide by court orders for DH to see them (yes we have gone back countless times about that one too!!)- I worry what she could do to them, or to us or to my kids as revenge because I know it would send her right off the deep end to not have access to her free house (on top of the huge child support payments).

tog redux's picture

God. I'm so sorry.  Whenever I feel sorry for myself about BM in our situation, I come on here and read other people's stories that make me want to go give her a big hug and a kiss.  She, while certainly a GUBM, has at least the need to be seen as the victim and not the aggressor, so she would never so blatantly violate orders.

Can he go Pro Se?  This sounds like a straightforward motion to the court to enforce their own orders.  He has nothing to lose (in the sense that he's already losing everything, and the worst that happens is that they say NO and the saga continues).  At this point, he must be well-versed on how to file motions, etc, and most states have forms online that can be filled out and filed by Pro Se litigants.

Notup4it's picture

Hi Tog, and thank you.

No he can’t go Pro Se at this point because his lawyer has “funded” him her services over the last almost year- so to go Pro Se he would have to dismiss her and to do that he needs to pay her off- right now he owes her almost 30k. Why she has done this for him is because the ex is such a nightmare and within the last few years it cost him almost 100k to fight to see the kids and to have them in our lives (which btw has not been successful because of her not obeying CO’s and just flat out refusing to and the courts not having steep enough penalties and consequences). We checked if we could go Pro Se and can’t- we have also been told that filing for contempt is not wise without a lawyer (according to a friend of mine who is a lawyer).  So we are in a bad situation and stuck. 

There was a lot of equity in this home and after paying off lawyers and between them splitting up past debt (finally!!!!!!) we will possibly still be in the hole. This woman is so stupid, I honestly don’t know how someone can be so dumb- she is all about $, but she is even more about causing a fuss. When she gets fined it comes from her portion of sale. If she would have just cooperated she would have walked away debt free and with $ in her pocket- now she will have nothing. And she doesn’t work (shocking, I know),

i think what she wants now is to be physically removed by the courts/sheriff so that she can make a huge scene in front of the kids. I think that is actually what her goal is.... delay even more as long as possible and then create a HUGE scene. So I guess all in all it doesn’t matter if DH has his locks changed and goes that way? She will just prob break in and wreck the house.... but she will most likely do that either way. 

No matter what it will be the show of the century. She has soooooo much child support that comes her way anyways, so she can afford to rent an even nicer place- but she  wants the free place obviously, and the drama. 

I told DH when this started that it would be a long road and would end in them having to forcefully remove her.... and that is exactly what is happening.  She said she agrees to the agent coming next week but keeps bailing last minute, and his lawyer said that this is the last time before they do something about it. 

So pretty much I’m bracing myself. Tog, honestly I have never seen anyone have it this bad with a GUBM.... this one is queen GUBM, and has pulled all the stops!!!!! She is volatile, and aggressive and disgusting and cruel..... BUT still turns around and plays victim to people she knows- makes up the craziest stories I have literally ever heard.  Honestly she should not have these kids, she is fully unstable...but we just can’t do anything about it.

i am actually *normally* a feminist and used to think it was usually the dad’s “fault”..... even when I was first with DH I thought he was most likely exaggerating and all the “there are 2 sides to every story”— until I witnessed first hand this vile behaviour and how truly horrible GUBMs are.  Before I used to take people’s word when they said the dad was a dead beat or “abandoned” his kids.... now I see a whole other side to that and when I hear someone say that I usually assume they are alienating GUBMs.

tog redux's picture

Ugh. Our is 25% of yours.  She is intelligent and likes to put on airs of being classy so she won't make scenes like that (though she is expertly skilled at twisting and manipulation).  She also has a lot to lose in terms of her job and immigration status, so she knows where to stop to avoid getting in trouble.

I guess the only option is to follow your attorney's advice then, and see this through. I don't know how you cope with it, all of the court drama really stresses me out.  At least you know there is equity in the house to pay for some of this.

Like many of these HCBMs, it's about punishing their ex for all the "wrongs" they did to them, and be prepared, they never let go of that. BM here alienated SS for 3 years and it was peaceful for us - but I think she expected DH to keep fighting her in court so when he didn't, she took HIM back to court.

It's sad to me that these men (and their new wives) have to pay SO MUCH literally and figuratively, for the mistake of marrying a personality disordered person.

Notup4it's picture

This ones angle has been that she is the victim of being abandoned, poor and hard done by and needs money from everyone... even though she was the one who got rid of DH.  She lies to people, DH is a high income earner and she gets more in support than 95% of the general population!! 

She likes to pull that angle so she can get church people, etc to feel sorry for her and do things for her or give her $,

it is funny she will get her little brigade to come to the custody hearings, but NEVER when it is dealing with any of the financial aspect!!!! She doesn’t want anyone to know the truth with that matter. 

Harry's picture

going to do let this BM live there free for the rest of her life ?  You have to get her out. You can stop making payments and let it go ?  Bad credit for five to seven years  

Notup4it's picture

That has been a thought as well.... just get DH to claim bankruptcy and let the house foreclose. It is only his name on it. I have perfect credit so we could get by on mine.  I’m not sure what is worse paying another $5k-???k to the lawyer to get her out or DH taking the hit with credit. 

But yes she needs to get the frick out and we need this liability gone from DH’s name. 

So many other issues with it too.... like if someone is over and hurts them self there we could be sued!!! Wear and tear and depreciation on the house- certain she isn’t upkeeping it. What if a pipe bursts or there is a huge leak? We would be the ones paying. Interest rates are up and have to renew soon too..., have to get rid of this somehow.

tog redux's picture

How long will foreclosure take? BM here walked away from the house they lived in together and it took over SEVEN YEARS to foreclose.  Not kidding.

Might be time for that option, though.  Only so much money you can throw at this attorney who isn't getting it done.

Notup4it's picture

Spoke with DH and he said he isn’t up for doing foreclosure because that in itself would drag on forever as well.  

Guess it is back to court.... again. Hopefully this time around they give her an actual consequence. I’m going to guess we will be going back at least 2 more times though.

Rags's picture

We shifted to mostly Pro-se after our first big court date.  By then we were in more than $10K.  When we found our killer shark no BS attorney it got cheap for us to pummel the SpermClan as needed. They hated to see his letter head in their mailbox.  We would have him generate letters outlining the pain they were about to experience if they didn't do what they were told when they were told and remain in compliance with the CO. 

When we needed to go to court he very openly told us that we didn't need him to represent us in court. Together with him we mapped out our strategy and built our documentation then my bride and I would scalp them in front of the Judge.  He did periodically give us crap that we turned out to be a dud in the billing department and that he was all excited when we first retained him thinking that we would be a cash cow.  

We did refer him to many of our friends and neighbors so he did get his money's worth out of us.   Our good friends used him for their adoption and our last action with him was my adoption of my SS when he was 22.

So, see what  your options are to minimize your costs while bringing the pain to BM and getting what you want.

Good luck.