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Honest opinions...DH being a dick? Who’s to blame

Tammajean451's picture

Ok so DH, stepbrat, myself and our dog had plans to go hiking. I put our dog in the back of our SUV and was closing the hatch when stepbrat ran under it and the hatch hit him on the head when closing. I did not see him till it was to late.  DH looked and there was no blood or even a mark on Stepbrats head BUT that did not stop Stepbrat from screaming and crying for 30 plus minutes like his head was cut off. Stepbrat of course refused to go hiking and for the next five hours had DH waiting on him hand and foot. 
 

Now of course I apologized twice to SS14 but all SS could say is I need to be more careful. I REALLY wanted to say why don't you watch where YOU are running. I really except this reaction from Stepbrat as this is just who he is but what really pissed me off was DH reaction. 
 

DH Immediately Snarled at me and told me I need to watch what I'm doing. For the rest of the day I got the cold silent treatment from DM while he kissed Stepbrat's ass. 
 

So am I wrong to be totally pissed off at DH? 

hereiam's picture

If he got hit on the head due to his own stupid actions, your husband needs to tell HIM to watch what he is doing and I would tell him as much.

He's 14? I was going to guess 8 or 9 before you put his age in there.

 

Gimlet's picture

One of the first things I learned as a parent of a toddler was that kids look to you for validation.  If they aren't truly hurt, tell them they are OK and they will get up and move on.  Act like they are mortally wounded from a minor bump and they will too. 

Clearly your husband didn't get that memo.

SeeYouNever's picture

Your SS-14 melted for so many hours because he could. You have a step kid problem and a DH problem. Funny how they decided it was your fault because stepmom is always the easiest one to blame when something goes wrong. 

Getting hurt happens sometimes you have to pause what you're doing to deal with it He could have just gotten some ice and you could have gone on with your day. Instead he made it all about him for the rest of the day and tried to turn your DH against you, that's too far. I swear step kids will use any little mishap like this to turn you into some sort of enemy. Your DH took the bait and ended up shunning you for the entire day. What the hell is wrong with him!

S_mum's picture

You're right. Your H is acting like a child himself. He's making a mountain out of a molehill. He should have told SS to get over it and moved on. Is this how your H normally acts when it comes to his son? If this is the case, no wonder your 14-year-old SS is still acting like a 7-year-old brat.

Tammajean451's picture

If SS14 makes a big deal out of something so does DH. Now if SS14 just brushed it off like most 14 yr olds probably would DH would NOT have said a thing and off we would have went for our hike. But no since SS had a Fing meltdown so did DH

AgedOut's picture

I was feeling bad for the poor tyke until I read his age. Before I make the comment that's bouncing around in my head, is this young man special needs or developmentally delayed in some way? 

While I wait for an answer I'll say one thing: you apologize once. That's it, not over and over. And get out, go about your day and leave the two of them to get over themselves. Dang. 

AgedOut's picture

Wow. I raised boys, tons of them mine and other people's, and peer pressure while bad can also be a gift. If a 14 yr old had played the two year old crying and fussing, he'd learn quite fast that that  nonsense don't fly too far. If one of mine had, I'd probably still be laughing. 

 

Next time, don't make plans with snookums and Daddy and go off and enjoy a toddler free day. 

1dad4kids's picture

It doesn't matter who's fault it is, it was an accident. Nobody meant for the kid to get hurt. To give you the silent treatment for hours leads me to believe your DH thinks you did it on purpose. Address that, why would he think that. And if he doesn't, then why is he acting like a child?

simifan's picture

^^^^^

This.

The silent treatment is emotional abuse. 

Ispofacto's picture

Sounds like SS didn't really want to hike and needed an excuse.

And he's angry about something else and/or desperately needs attention so he used this opportunity.

Ultimately your DH is a d!ck who is coddling his almost adult child and has trained him to act like a giant baby, at your expense.

Trust yourself.

tog redux's picture

OMG, seriously? I hope you took the dog and went for a hike by yourself.  What a dysfunctional pair SS and DH are.

The_Upgrade's picture

Hands up anyone who would've gotten a second whack over the head for being a teenage idiot running under a closing hatch if they were SS. 

Stepdrama2020's picture

Exactly how I was brought up. BUT remember the shit skid is a COD, its different for them. They are speshul and life is hard on them.

OP you should have said SS you are a sucky grow the fck up accidents happen. Well maybe not in those words but y'all get my drift.

notarelative's picture

Before you gave his age, I would have guessed six or seven. By the age of 14 you should know better to do whatever SS was trying to do. 

DH needs to brush up on his parenting skills. If this injury caused SS so much pain that he was incapacitated for hours, DH should have taken his son to the hospital or urgent care to be checked. SS should have at the very least been lying in a quiet dark room with no screens until the pain abated. 

DH also needs to brush up on his husband skills. You don't blame your spouse for an accident that your child caused. 

Next time the three of you are going somewhere, DH loads the car. 

bananaseedo's picture

They are both dumb, please tell me you still went on your hike with you doggy that likely deserved it for putting up w/the idiot skid. 

AlmostGone83's picture

Oh man he said YOU should be more careful?!? I would have lost it!

"SS if you were FIVE I would agree with you that yes I need to " (air quotes) be more careful". If you were FIVE it would be the adult's responsibility to make sure you weren't running around banging your head on things or playing in traffic. But the fact is SS YOU ARE 14! Too damn old to be running around like a toddler on a sugar high. At this point it's up to you to watch where you are going. If you don't think you can handle that then we will buy you a helmet so you can continue to act like an idiot"

Rags's picture

"But the fact is SS YOU ARE 14! Too damn old to be running around like a toddler on a sugar high. At this point it's up to you to watch where you are going. If you don't think you can handle that then we will buy you a helmet so you can continue to act like an idiot"

ROFL

Fool

Rags's picture

You should be pissed off at both of them IMHO.  A 14yo acting like a toddler is pathetic.  No blood, no indications of a concussion, then GTF over it and hike on. IMHO of course.

As for  your DH.. .he is just a child worshipping dickhead IMHO.

I would give them both clarity on how pathetically they both behaved during that event.  SS was a teen boy brain fart driving dumb ass.  He should learn to pay attention to his surroundings and not to put his head in the path of a closing SUV hatch.  Basic Darwin Award stuff here.  If he does not learn, he will save the gene pool from his polluting influence.  Hopefully before he procreates.

Now for your pathetic husband.  smh.  I would let him know that if he ever agains grouses at you when his idiot kid shoves his head in the car door that life as DH knows it will immediately end and his new existance of abject husbandly misery will begin.  Also let him know that your husband will not ever again cater to a manipulating cry baby p#&&+ teen boy who pulls a dumb ass move then cries to daddy and wastes YOUR activity time with your husband with the manipulative tear fest 'dada, take cawe of me' bullshit.

This is incredibly nauseating.

Bad

As for whose at fault... DH is.  He is the one choosing to be a dick.

Tammajean451's picture

I feel the same way. SS14 is always sneaking around I can't stand it. What happened is SS14 was running to get into the backseat and tried to duck under the hatch to get in but clearly did not make it in time. I never saw him coming and SS14 of course never bothered to say he was coming BUT it's my fault! DH was bringing SS14 Tylenol running around bringing him food, drinks BUT SS14 was feeling well enough to play video games! I'm  praying for the day SS14 gets beat the shit out of him from his peers for being such a Mature coddled crybaby. Unfortunately it hasn't happened yet. 

Stepdrama2020's picture

Said that all the time and dang I stopped moaning immediately.

Coddling a 14 yr old boy to act like a 5 yr old who dropped their ice cream cone. SMH

Kes's picture

Incredible that a 14 yr old cried for half an hour from a little bump on the head.  What a big girl's blouse!  And your DH behaved really pathetically too.  As someone said - the silent treatment is emotional abuse, and choosing to do that to you because of an accident is beyond bizarre.  In a functional family it would have gone: 

SS:  "Ow!" 

SM: "So sorry - are you OK?" 

SS: "I will be in a moment".    All get into the car and carry on. 

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

I am completely dumbfounded by your DH reaction. Is he trying to raise a complete wuss. 

I would die inside if DS 13 acted like he was dying after a bump on the head. I would be like suck it up man!!! Heaven forbid he ever does that in front of his peers he will be crucified. 

I always say to DS your mother shouldn't be tougher than you. 

advice.only2's picture

Your DH is a do@che and is raising his son to be one as well. I guess I would question his mental ability if he truly believes you would do something like slam his kids head in a door on purpose...like what does that say about him as a parent?

Tammajean451's picture

Thinks it's my fault for not seeing SS14 before closing the hatch. Now if SS did not have a hissy fit DH would not have said boo but since SS14 Had a complete meltdown DH had a fit also. What happened is SS14 was running to get into the backseat and tried to duck under the hatch before it closed which he did not make. Now I never saw him coming or did SS14 yell out he was coming  BUT it's still my fault! 

tog redux's picture

He's empowering his son to disrespect you and take zero responsiblity for his own actions. This incident was 100% the boy's fault. He should have asked his son if getting whacked in the head knocked any sense into him or would he try to get under a closing door again? Instead he painted you as the big meanie and SS as the innocent victim.  Prepare for a lifetime of this kid never owning his own stuff. 

Personally I'd refuse to go anywhere with the kid ever again. 

advice.only2's picture

And I'm sure if you pointed it out your husband would swear he's never accidentally hurt his son before (yeah sure).  He's being an overreactive d@che and teaching is kid to be overeative and a drama Queen...hope he's cool with that when SS gets his a$$ kicked at school, but that's how his daddy taught him. 

Cover1W's picture

This actually happened to YSD when she was 13. She stepped under the hatch right when DH was closing it, no warning.

Cue crying and sobbing and her asking him, "Why did you dooooo that?!" Like he did it on purpose. He said he was sorry but it was an accident, and to tell her to watch what she was doing. It took a good ten minutes for her to calm down.

He stepped on her foot once around then, again, she wasn't paying attention, messing around, and she moved in front unexpectedly. Cue same damn reaction and blaming him for the results.

At least he didn't take it.

Tammajean451's picture

This is not the first time SS14 did something and refused to take any blame. Last year when we first got our dog we had him baby Gated in our kitchen as he was just a puppy and potty training. Well SS14 was screwing around leaning over the baby gate and ended up falling on it and pulling it off the wall. It pulled the paint off and damaged the wall when it came down. DH told SS14 to be more careful as he damaged the wall. Well SS14 flipped out crying/screaming that DH cared more for the wall than him. Total BS as SS14 did not have a mark on him BUT expected DH to come running over to him flooding SS with attention. Now if it was my kid I would have said that's what you get for screwing around on the gate AND I expect you to fix the damage. But nope DH had to Apologize to SS for not checking up on him and making SS feel like the wall was more Important than him. I wanted to puke at this point. This kid is such a spoiled rotten brat

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

How is your DH not completely embarrassed by his 14 year old sons behavior?? I wouldn't expect a. 14 year old male or female to act like a such a pampered princess. 

Tammajean451's picture

For the love of me I don't get it either. One would have to be a TOTAL moron to think this behavior is "normal" for a teen. I'm thinking it's either DH is in Denial to himself about his ONLY son being such a Pansy mama's boy. Or DH knows his Spawn is a total failure but don't know what to do about it without pissing BM off or driving SS away so pretends it's never SS14 fault. 

Tried out's picture

this sounds just like my granddaughter, another COD, whom I love dearly but also see clearly that she can be a real PITA. At times.

When she was seven, I had sympathy. When she was eight I tried to have sympathy. When she was nine I wanted to throttle her. And her father, who is my son. When she was ten her dad gave minor sympathy and a cuddle while I figuratively beat my head against the wall. When she was eleven he told her she wasn't dying so knock it off. Proudest day of my life. 

 

Kaylee's picture

OMG I laughed out loud reading your post!

I am the mum of two boys (now adults) and they never performed like that!

Until I read how old your SS is, I thought you actually were talking about a child aged 3 to 4...