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Holidays are no longer joyful

Momma788's picture

I know a lot of you have read my prior blogs and I know it's bad but I want to vent about the holidays. I'm sick of my in-laws I don't want anything to do with them anymore. There are a few that I've already told H that I won't go anymore or have anything to do with them (long story)

My father in law is ridiculous and I'm getting sick of being around him. Since day one he has not cared about anything but SD. He had no interest in any kind of relationship with me and used to tell me he had no sympathy for me and I knew what I was getting into. After my first was born it was all about SD being a big sister and when my second was born it was the same thing. I'm trying to make this as short as possible but now. He won't plan anything with the kids unless SD is there. He doesn't want to come over unless SD is here. If he ever does come over and she's not here he's mad that's she's not. He yells at my H for not taking SD one every day off he has.

Christmas Eve we had SD he was a very attentive grandfather that night and took a ton of pictures not only attentive but brought up BM in conversation 3 times. The next day SD went home with BM and Father in law came over. He asked where SD was twice when he knew she was with her mom then just sat around and paid no attention to my 2. My daughter asked to sleep over Pops house which is my father in law he tells my 4 year old daughter " you can come over but you can't sleep on the big bed because that's SDs bed" first of all she's 4 years old and 2nd what does it matter if she slept on the big bed SD wasn't even going to be there. Why would you say that to a 4 year old?? He didn't take her anyway. SD went away with her mom for a week so my father in law was devastated about that, left and said see you in a few weeks. I know it might sound petty compared to all the other major issues I have in my marriage but I just feel like blended families are hard enough in-laws just have to make it worse.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

First off, i would write this FIL off. Keep yourself and your kids as far away from him as possible. I hooe your husband has your back, but from your posts it sounds like he doesn't.

Second, his "grandfatherly obsession" with SD sounds a little creepy. A special bed that only one of several grandkids is allowed to sleep in? I hope he isn't getting in it with her. I would watch for signs of anything inappropriate. 

Momma788's picture

My H has never backed me up. When it comes to his blood relatives they will always come first. I'm not a blood relative I'm just someone he accidentally impregnated. I'm sorry to sound crude but this whole thing is disgusting and I have no respect for any of them. I don't think there's anything like that going on but he's not only obsessed with SD but he's obsessed with BM. On Christmas Eve my father in law decided to invite his new girlfriend which I had never met but BM met her several times because he spends all his time with SD and not me and my kids. His girlfriend brought up BM at dinner for no reason out of no where asking what she's doing tonight. I don't understand how you're meeting your boyfriends sons wife for the first time and you're asking about his ex wife during dinner. This all just feels wrong and off. And how is my own husband ok with it?? Oh I know, because he favors SD too 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

This whole family sounds personality disordered. I would not rule out anything. Please be careful and try your best to escape from that nuthouse! 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Oh, and "accidentally impregnated?" Once might be an accident but don't you have 2 kids with him? He's full of sh!t and sounds horrible. The dysfunction there probably goes back generations. The longer your kids are exposed, the more likely they are to pick up bad habits. 

Momma788's picture

Unfortunately either way they are exposed. He has rights to visitation if I fight it I could lose them. He would have no issues taking full custody just because he felt like it. And yes we have 2 the second time I got pregnant he accused me of doing it on purpose to keep us together. Ultimately I was very stupid to think I ever had a shot at being happy with him. When him and I were dating he asked me to help him get full custody of SD and I told him that no matter how much I hated BM I wasn't going to rip a child from her mother. At that point since I wouldn't back him as he needed a full time free babysitter he decided to give up on it. I don't put it past him to eventually meet someone and try to do that to me.

CLove's picture

Your whole entire slew of posts are so miserable, please get to a lawyer and see what your rights are. Many states will favor the BM. There is no reason to stay with this horrible family, and lose your entire being in the process. Find out your rights. Do it this week.

anonymous1306's picture

I feel exactly the same! My mother in law completely priorities BM over me just because my partner was stupid enough to be trapped into a pregnancy that BM planned on her own. For 2 years i went round there and there was still photos of BM, my partner and their daughter in the front room which I had to sit in. I ended up kicking off and refusing to go round as I said guests would go round and assume he's still with BM when we've been together 2 years!!! She also text me once to tag me in facebook and if i minded, i replied no of course not to go online and see that she'd tagged BM! I was livid and i completely feel your pain. I'm borderline cutting off all ties as we don't want any more children ( i also have a 6 year old) so i would never be considered as important as we wont ever have a child. BM is nothing but awful to them and sending huge messages having a go when my partner annoys her - i said that i was sick of them helping her out with babysitting for her to go out as and when she pleases and the best way to stop her acting like a cow was to cut off help and only have her when she was working and not for her to go out for fun... but no it's 'all for the grandchild' - they just want to see her. So they idolise a woman who reported my partner to social services as she felt her child was unsafe with us(complete lies) which also meant that social services came sniffing round my daughters home yet she is absolutely adored by his mum. Why wont these idiots wake up?! Im sorry you're going through this also but i would completely cut them off. My mother in law is one strike away from being cut off completely.

Rags's picture

My XILs were like your MIL.  I moved out of State for 3+ years.  When I moved back DW and I were newely married.

We ran into my ILs about a year after moving back.  That was a Twilight Zone moment.

6 years after that I moved to a new office that was in the part of town they lived in.  I ran into them at lunch a couple of times.  They asked me to come to their house for coffee.  I avoided it for several months until I ended up at a stop light next to my XMIL and she noticed me.  She waved for me to follow her. So, 10 years after my divorce from their adulterous cavern crotched whore of a daughte rwas final, I followed my XMIL to their house for coffee.  XFIL was in the front yard treating their Oak trees for ball moss.  When I walked up to shake his hand tears started flowing down his cheeks.

I followed my XMIL into their house.  It had not changed a bit since the last time I walked out of it a decade before.  Including a large wedding portrait of my XW on the LR wall from our wedding, and sevreal framed pics of she and I from the wedding on the library book shelves in their LR.  More of the Twilight Zone vibe from my DW, SS, and I running into them not long after we moved back.