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Holiday sleeping arrangements

Justhatinglife's picture

7 yrs married.  3 sd 2 daughters all grown and on their own.  I moved into spouse home.  Got tired of him complaining about my restless leg syndrome, my tossing and turning, mysnoring etc so I sleep in the old sd room.  When she comes to visit I get booted out of my bed.  IIused to just go sleep back with the complaining spouse but I just can't anymore so here I am day 2 on the air mattress in the living room.  Yes I'm non confrontational and a pushover.  Spouse has had cancer so I can't very well put him on the floor.  Sd brings her dog and he roams free.  My daughter was told she could come stay when she was in the middle of a move but she'd have to leave her dog on a kennel except to go outside to urinate.

   Just totally pissed right now.  More pissed at myself for putting up with this crap.   

Let's just lay it all out there.  Sd shows up starts deep cleaning the house and rearranging everything.  She acts like it's her house.  Redecorates as well for the holidays.  Dad will not confront her.  So I feel like my say and or feelings don't matter.   

So over this crap.   Same sd invites herself on our vacations and sometimes he invites the other daughter but in 7 years he has not once said hey why don't you invite your girls to go with us.  I only confronted him once about treating mmy girls diffetedily and I got of all the people I never thought you'd be the my kids your kids type.

Let's go even deeper.  He has lied on several occasions to my face.  He turns things Around to be my fault and I should just be happy I have .roof over my head 

My kids want me out.  I need to get out but I just can't seem to make myself get out.

 

Oh yeah he sat right at his daughters dining room table and said he doesn't love me anymore.  She questioned him about that and he looked at me and said it's just not like it used to be.   My nonconfrontational self thought to myself and said yeah he's right.  Ugh I'm hating my life right now.

  

hereiam's picture

It's hard starting over but you have to start making plans to get out. Just taking that step, making a plan, can help you start to feel better and more empowered.

Visit a lawyer, know your rights, find out what you are entitled to after 7 years of marriage, and get your own place. You will be able to sleep wherever you want, decorate however you want, vacation with whomever you want.

 

STaround's picture

I would strongly advise seeing a lawyer.  And unless OP has a strong work history, if her DH does, she may want to stay legally married for 10 years to get SS on his account. 

Thumper's picture

Assert yourself...no one and I mean no one comes into my home and redecorates. Tell her to stop it. As for as cleaning...hand her 20bucks and say thanks.

When kids are minors--we are expected to walk very gingerly with what we say. But when they are adults...that ends. Especially when they disrepect you and your home.

You have rights----use them.

 

 

Rags's picture

The only way I have found to effectively deal with this type of situation is to calmly shred idiots like your DH.  

If you are not comfortable baring his ass directly, get a killer shark lawyer and lay waste to this non-man.  Let your lawyer deal with the confrontation. You direct from the background.

I prefer the immediate direct ass baring model myself.   It can be applied as subtly or aggressively as necessary to accomplish the objective.