help with teen smoking
I will try to make this short.
Couldn't sleep last night due to SD18's loud music.
DH told her first just to turn it down she said ok but later
it was still just as loud.
So I go in SD18's room start yelling about the music and was turning around to leave and did a double take.
My BD14's friend was sitting on the floor, so I look to see where my BD14 is at. The entire time I came in yelling about the music she is standing there back to me hand out the window.
BD14 didn't even have the nerve to turn around and face me.
SD18 of course flaunts the smoking and just stands there smoking.
I snatched BD told her to get her butt in the room tell SD she
is not to be smoking in the house and why the hell she is giving BD cigarettes. (we have already had this talk before she gave BD her first cigarette when BD was 12)
I am livid!! DH hears all the commotion and when I go back in the room he thought I was still only yelling about the music.
To sum this up both BD and SD deny up and down that BD was smoking. (BD had thrown hers out the window and SD put hers out on the ledge, SD claims they were both hers... how stupid do they really think we are?? )
My question to yall... how can I make BD stop?
I know my ranting and raving won't stop her but more like push her to smoke more just to retaliate.
I have heard some say to make them smoke a pack of cigarrettes till they puke and they won't smoke again.
Im a little afraid of doing that.
I think my first punishment will be to remove their doors from their room so they now have no privacy., and can't sneak smoking in the house.
My main concern is to stop BD from smoking for good.
Any thoughts??
Here's an idea
Call up your hospital and see if you could bring her to the cancer ward to talk to the people who have lung cancer or emphysema. I am sure that it will look a lot less appealing once she really sees what it can do to you. If they won't let you do that, maybe if you know anyone who has lung cancer or empysema you could bring her to talk to them.
Reality is always controlled by the people who are most insane.
~Dogbert
thanks mwelch
Thanks, I could check that out.
Im hoping I can find a patient that would be willing to talk to her.
Sandi ♥
A question first
SD18 smokes.
Do you or DH smoke?
If so, you're definitely facing an uphill battle, because it's only that much harder to get a child to stop and say "it's a bad thing" if they see a parent smoking and an older sibling smoking.
I'm sorry I don't have any good ideas for you and even more sorry if this sounds harsh, but really- how is a child supposed to learn anything different when smoking is acceptable behavior in the home and they KNOW that in 4 years, they will be able to do it leagally anyway and it's a perfectly acceptable habit to have?
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
5teens...
SD18 does smoke. I don't smoke, my DH does smoke.
My BD knows I don't approve of this., can't stand the smell
even when DH smokes. He didn't smoke when we were dating and got married and then picked it back up a year after we were married.
SD18 we can't do anything about but is told she can't smoke in the house. We take her cigarettes anytime we see them laying around.
I think I still have every right to tell her smoking is not acceptable even when DH smokes.
I have been very vocal about disliking my DH smoking, but I can't
make him stop. BD however is my child and I know it will be harder
but I will make every effort to help her see that it is a bad habit.
Sandi ♥
You can, but...
ultimately, she will see that her sister smokes and her dad smokes. And unfortunately for you- your good intentions will probably lose out in the end.
Believe me, Sandi, I know this from personal experience- you can "talk the good talk" and "fight the good fight" all you want, but in the end, and for reasons that just befuddle me to no end I have learned this hard and sad lesson...
People (and kids more specifically) tend to pick up BAD habits much more easily than they do the GOOD habits.
Of course, you as a caring stepmother, want to try and feel compelled to try to teach her that smoking is bad- because you care about her well-being. I TOTALLY get that!
But what does her DAD tell her through all this?
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
PS- Sandi
My coffee didnt kick in yet!!! My BAD!!!
I just realized it was YOUR 14 yr old daughter. SO SORRY.
That does change things- somewhat. But again, unfortunately, not too much. She is getting a really bad example from your DH and her SS.
But as her MOTHER- YOU do have the power to lay down the law a little bit more in some respects. Now I get your point totally. Take down her door, sister. Do whatever you can to protect your child.
I am so sorry- I thought before you were talking about another SD (see what I get when I dont read carefully?)
Sandi- as her mother, you have the right to protect her in whatever way possible. Ground her if you catch her smoking again. Take away all privledges. But don't "force" her to smoke a bunch of cigarettes- that's not cool or effective.
You could have her write a 5000 word essay on "why smoking is bad for me" (hand-written) the next time you catch her (that's my personal favorite). And if it's filled with a bunch of "nonsense- she has to start over!
But I do stand firm in my original statement- with 2 people smoking in the house, you do face a serious uphill battle. She DOES see that smoking is fine, and in the case if the SD18- cool.
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
no shes...
my daughter. I am trying to have my BD14 stop.
I know I can't do anything about SD18.
My BD14's dad doesn't smoke. MY DH, her step dad does.
Yes, I know that will still make it difficult.
I did try to help SD18 2 years ago and gave up quickly.
I guess I am willing to still try to stop my daughter and if I loose out then at least I know I gave it my all.
Sandi ♥
LOL....
I was beginning to wonder??
I was a little scared from the smoking a pack thing.
I was more worried about the effects it would have.
(plus I can't stand the smell it would make me sick to
sit through it all).
I know with SD she did throw the dad you smoke in his face, and
DH did try the addiction part of it. Letting her know it's a hard habit to give up.
SD isn't allowed to smoke in the house though.
I know BD thinks it is cool, and seems to be going down the same path as SD.
BD is already grounded but now doesn't have phone or computer priviledges. Thing that gets me is she just signed a cheer contract
stating she will not smoke or drink, and if caught she's off the team.
I think I will grab more coffee seeing as how I only had 3 hours of sleep last night!
Thanks for your thoughts.
Sandi ♥
Well I would tell her if you
Well I would tell her if you catch her, you'll tell her cheerleading coach & she will be off the team. She needs to be accountable for her actions. Don't give either of them a bedroom door, take away the things she likes if you catch her again, and try to get your hubby to quit so he sets a good example for both girls. If he refuses & your daughter brings it up then tell her he is an adult & if he chooses to kill himself, so be it, but that she is not & has to wait 4 years if she wants to start killing herself. I would also tell her you will call the cops & let them know, since it is illegal for her to smoke, and tell the SD that she will be charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor by giving them to her. Be prepared to actually follow through on everything you tell her if you truely want her to stop, she has to see that smoking is not worth all the trouble she will get in.
I think any action that's
I think any action that's going to happen has to begin with your husband quitting. My mom smoked while I was growing up, and I made a big show of saying how disgusting, smelly and gross it was...well after I started smoking b/c I knew they wouldn't suspect. As soon as they found out, my mother quit. Teens are so so SO sensitive to anything that can be perceived as hypocritical, my mom couldn't BEGIN to say no to me when she was doing it herself.
I recognize she's a child, but in her mind, she's trying very hard to be an adult, and is convinced she can make her own choices, and her sister modeling the behavior isn't going to help either. She should be out of the house as soon as she's done with school, or quit smoking.
Do you have a "bodies" exhibit near you? It's not billed as such, but they definitely went a long way to show graphically how bad smoking is. My SD doesn't smoke, but we're going to try to bring her anyway.
Also if there are any teens/young adults you can enlist that she respects and admires, that will help too. At that age nothing hits home quite as directly as a cute boy saying he thinks girls who smoke are gross and that they smell and look bad, and he would NEVER date a girl who smoked...
from my SD, the reason we're going through it all....:
o, btw, my dad and *northernsiren* are the best family a girl(and boy) could ever hope for. Thank you for helpping me through these hard times.