Help! Need advice
My stepdaughter is 12 and my husband and I have 50/50 custody of her, sharing with her mom. Her mom has tried to take full custody twice and failed. We have spent over $20,000 in legal fees for little things like where she would go to middle school. Her mother is a Jehovah's Witness and is forcing her religion on my step daughter. She doesn't allow my step daughter to engage with peers outside of school or play team sports, despite her love for gymnastics. She has a very full social life when she is with us, and has 2 phones because her mom won't allow her to text her friends when she is with her. My step daughter came to our house today for the weekend and says that she doesn't want to go back to her mom's house. She doesn't want to be Jehovahs Witness and she is afraid of her mom finding out but wants help getting out of there. We don't know what to do. We can't afford to lawyer up again. But at 12, shouldn't she be able to make the decision of who she lives with?? Who can we contact for more support? Would the police assist us in picking up some of her things from her mom's house? She is scared of her mother and says that she is psychologically abusive. Should we contact CPS?? Someone please help!
If you want the police or
If you want the police or child protective services involved then there will need to be evidence for anything to stick. A difference in religious upbringing is not usually a reason to change custody. Not letting a 12 year old socialize or play sports is not a reason to change custody.
A judge may take a 12 year olds opinion into account, but it is not guaranteed that it would affect the outcome. A local family law attorney would know how judges tend to proceed in these types of cases in your locale.
Unless you are seriously concerned that the girl is going to be in danger at her mothers house then I think she has to stick to the usual schedule. Talk to your attorney and get some advice.
I would consider having the girl talk to a therapist. They might be able to help her adjust to two very different homes and would be able to assess if she is being abused at her mother's home.
Not letting a 12 year old
it could be if they can highlight how doing so is detrimental to the kids mental health and show cases of previous studies where kids suffered from serious mental health conditions as a result of being forced into solitary confinement or how serious mental/medical conditions were caused as a lack of physical exercise
no exercise and no social outlet is very similar to the treatment given to prisoners on death row so why do that to an innocent child
She has been diagnosed with
She has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. She is always happy when she is with us, but falls into a major slump right before going back to her mom's house. She's a social butterfly and thrives in a social environment, but when she goes to her mom's, she doesn't go anywhere but school and their JW meetings. She doesn't want to be a Jw but says her mother with force her to be baptized and participate in meeting regardless. I believe freedom of religion is her right.
The kid can socialize at
The kid can socialize at school and at the JW meetings. She's just not allowed to contact her chosen friends outside of school and her father's home. I presume she isn't confined to her room when in her mothers house. Comparisons to solitary confinement are extream and would need some serious evidence to prove to a judge/cps. I'm not saying she doesn't have reasons to want to live with her dad, just that without her mother's consent it is going to be difficult to achieve.
I think I would be trying to help this child get coping strategies rather than engaging with dreams of living with dad full time. It isn't realistic in my mind and isn't helpful.
Perhaps a lawyer can find a way to increase dad's parenting time, but I'm not really seeing what grounds that would be on without any hard evidence. If I were the op though I would pay for a consultation with a lawyer to see if they can help come up with a plan.
I believe Colorado has no age
I believe Colorado has no age limit, and bases a child's choice of who to live with on maturity and the reason they want to leave. My stepdaughter says that her mother is manipulative, mean, and controlling. She has been going against our parenting plan by interrogating my step daughter about what she does with us, and bad mouthing us to her. I just want to help her. She has been diagnosed with depression, and we allow her to be herself. She is just in middle school and figuring out who she is. I don't think it's right for her mom to shove her religion down a child's throat. Her freedom of religion should be considered here too. She doesn't want to be a JW.
Yes to a therapist and an
Yes to a therapist and an attorney! Good luck.
Your husband needs to
Your husband needs to understand more about the abuse issues. Parents have some right to their religion in their household..but it shouldn't be abusive.
Unfortunately, some amount of legal advice will be needed.. and potentially CPS if you truly think the abuse is happening. Therapy can help too.
One concern is she is 12.. and it's her mom.. and in the end.. would she be able to be on the stand and say things against her? or would she recant?
12 might be a bit too young
12 might be a bit too young to fully decide ... unless something detrimental to her health is going on
I believe here the age is 14 (when they're closer to working age /age of emancipation) when the kids decisions are more heavily factored in
However a lawyer in your area can better advise
You may not want to pay for lawyer but there are ways to obtain legal advice for free or low cost and you may definitely want to try doing so
It’s really hard in the US. When someone plays.
The religion card. You must be careful with a 12 yo. Blood is thicker then water . As these kids get older they may want to get closer to BM. Leaving you out in the cold and poor because of lawers
$$$
Id disengage a bit. There of course is that feeling of wanting to "swoop in" and rescue the skid from her religious mom who deprives her, however this can backfire. None of these things you mentioned are considered grounds for full custody.
Nope, 12yos do not get to
Nope, 12yos do not get to choose who they live with. Courts do that.
While I empathise with this little girl, relgion and sports, sans abuse, have about a zero % chance of garnering a court decision that changes custody. You have spent $20K defending these efforts by BM. Make sure you have learned something from that investment. You can enrole SD in sports and take her to participate on your time. You can get her in therapy to counter BM's religious manipulations of the kid. You can even engage in a religion of your choice and include SD in that. Expanding her experiences and having a quality experience with religion so she can formulate her own informed perspective to counter BM's toxic version, is in order.
IMHO.