Help! I need advice on how I can bond with my stepson.

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Hi there. I'm first time poster long time reader! I will try my hardest to make this short. And please don't judge me.

I've been with DH for 5 years we have a DS1. DH has a son (SS7). From the beginning of our relationship I have always had reservations about SS7 and I just couldn't get myself to feel any sort of affection for him. I tried to but I just didn't want to let myself. And I'm still feeling this way 5 years later! I love DH so much but SS7, I have no feelings for. I feel so horrible for feeling this way.

We see SS7 EOWE. He really annoys me when he is over. Everything he does just gets on my nerves. I know I am horrible for saying this but I have never said it to anyone before and it is bottling up inside me and I just need to get this frustration out!
He annoys me because he never listens to anything we say to him, he throws crying fits when he doesn't get his way, he can't eat any bit of food without making a mess EVERYWHERE, all he does is want to play video games or watch TV and when he looses in one of the games he always blames our son even though he is 1 and is not even near SS7 when he is playing. Just to name a few things.

The thing is when we take him back to his mum's I feel bad for him that he is in this situation. And I wish that I had maybe spent more time with him or tried harder to get him to want to read or colour in rather than play games.

I've told DH how I feel and he was pretty hurt which I understand completely. He is a wonderful man but I just can't bring myself to love his son and I am so overwhelmed with guilt.

Is there anyone that has been able to overcome there dislike for their stepchildren and find some sort of emotional connection? I'm worried that it's going to get to the point where I'll end up hating SS7. Thanks for listening.

We never see his mum. DH

We never see his mum. DH picks him up from her parents and drops him off there. She apparently works during those times....only time we hear from
Her is if picking up times change. Yeah I think that is what annoys me the fact he is "entitled".

We never see his mum. DH

I didn't hear you say one

I didn't hear you say one likeable thing about the kid, so why should you expect to like him? Your DH needs to step to the plate and nip that shit in the bud.

Blaming a one year old because you lose a game??? Doesn't your DH value sportsmanship? Or does he think everyone will think it's cute when his little lustnugget is blaming the team for losing the T Ball game???

He needs to stop making excuses and PARENT.

To be honest I haven't tried

To be honest I haven't tried that much. I try and get him to read a book with me for example or colour in but he says no and I leave it at that. DH is the same he doesn't really try with him and focuses a lot of his attention on our son. We do discipline him when necessary but I'm more concerned about not being able to love him. Shouldn't I at least feel something for him? I don't really feel anything. If he were to move to another state or country I actually would not care one bit.

I think I need to try harder and so does DH. We need to put in more effort with him rather than just let him play xbox all day long

We do discipline him. Don't

We do discipline him. Don't get me wrong it's not like we allow this behaviour. This is just what he did on the last weekend we had him and it was in my mind haha. When he cries for not getting his way we just tell him he can keep crying but we are not changing our minds for example. He eventually gets over it but then something else comes up. I just want to be able to find a connection with him. But I I just can't. It's like I don't want to try and make it work with SS7 but I know I need to at least try and like him.

Thanks for your reply! Your

Thanks for your reply! Your advice is fantastic. You have really made me feel a lot better. Thank you. When you talked about how you treat her vs how you feel is what I NEED to do! At the moment I have to admit I let me feelings get the better of me.

I can relate to you when family members go on about how "special" he is because I really don't see it and I can see his mother in his face all the time too! haha

I've started ignoring the crying fits and leave DH to deal with it haha. I am really considering taking your approach and being nice to him but not forcing myself to love him.

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