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Help... I got nothing for Fathers day again second year :(

11batman's picture

I've been divorced almost two years come this October. My three kids live with their mom son 20 daughter 18 and a 9 year old daughter. My two oldest children sent me nothing for fathers day yesterday no text messages no cards no pone calls nothing. This makes the second year they have treated me this way. My daughter that is 8 this year has her own cell phone she did text me happy fathers day after my girl friend texted her and told her she should text me. Shortly after she messaged her I got a text from her. I was married for 20 years to a woman that is narcissistic very controlling and after she filed for the divorce I moved out gave her everything house, van everything inside the house. My ex wanted me to stay in the house after the divorce and sleep on the sofa and be her personal atm machine and she date whom ever she wanted and I could do the same. I told her no... It was not a month after I moved out I heard she was on a online dating site so I did the same. I found someone else and so did she. We both have moved on with other people... Since the divorce I stopped being her personal atm machine. I pay all of my own bills ... I found out she was charging me four times as much for my car insurance she lied to me told me it was such a high amount because I was in a accident the month we got our divorce.. I just wrote out the checks to her and I did not check with the insurance agent until a year later. Now Im paying all of my bills all on my own and I also am paying off all of our old credit card debt that we were both to pay half on. Shes paid nothing so far... I pay for my little girls private schooling and she was to pay for my other daughters private schooling and I pay her child support for the two girls and health insurance for all three kids. I do not have to pay health insurance for my two oldest kids but I do so because I love them. I am flat broke... she has taken four vacations this year and I've not been able to afford a vacation in years...My oldest son lives in a dorm and attends college and my daughter will be attending college in the fall. He thinks I should be supporting him too... I do not have it.I told him I am broke..Shortly after New Years 2016 just months after our divorce my son pulled away ignored my phone calls and text messages. Then he refused to get together for any of the holidays he told me he is sick of all of the drama.. Drama I mind you that his mother causes. He said he wants nothing to do with me or my family he is done... Now my 18 yr old daughter graduated just a few weeks ago and I attend her graduation I show up with roses and a card with $200.00 in it. I hugged her and so did my girl friend we gave her our gifts. Then I texted her and I texted her over and over again nothing no thank yous no reply back my mother did the same and she too received no replys back. My son has disowned me and my side of the family and now it looks like my oldest daughter is doing the same. I've done nothing wrong... my girlfriend has met my son two times she has done nothing wrong... Sure my ex and I have had arguments she wants a life style that she can not afford and she wants me to provide it to her and our three kids... we could not afford it when we were married we still cant afford it. My ex wife is living a life style she nor I can not afford she thinks she is rich and we both are far from it. Anything my kids want she buys it she is being taken to court right now by so many credit card companies.Now I find out the house payments have not been made in over a year and my name is still on the loan. She was court ordered to refinance and she has not done so I called her she refuses to discuss the issue with me. She is ruining my credit and my kids have no idea the situation and I tell them nothing. They all three are so close to becoming homeless. My name was removed from the deed because the court order me to do so. I divorced my wife not my kids... now my kids are divorcing me... I have been abused verbally by my ex for years. I even blocked her from my cell phone because of her constant texting me daily cutting me down cursing me out. I gave her my home phone but she refuses to call me on it. So she bought my 9 year old her own cell phone and she has used it to communicate with me from time to time. She even wrote my girl friend a long letter telling her every reason why she kick me out of her life. Thank God everything she put in the letter I told my girlfriend from day one. So if she did that to my girl friend I'm sure she is filling my kids heads up with lies and her side of the arguments. I never have nor will I ever cut the mother of my kids down in front of them. I just want to move so very far away from it all and start a new life with my girl friend. Now my little girl never comes to visit me maybe once a month. Her mom told me it is not what we want it is what our little girl wants and she does not want to come see me so I am to give in and let my 9 year old decide every week if she wants to come visit her father... its a court order I am to have shared custody not barely see my kid but once a month. I want my kids in my life but the abuse the hurt they are causing me is killing me and the relationship I have with my new best friend. She puts up with my anger my tears and my depression and she still loves me. She is all I really have and I am so afraid she will be fed up soon with the drama and leave me. My kids have not even given her a chance she is one wonderful sweet lady. Yes she is 5 years older than me and my ex wife and two older kids call her grandma Jennie... Not by her real name Jennie. I know it hurts her. I am 51 she is 56 and to me age does not matter. I love her and she loves me. So fed up!

2Tired4Drama's picture

This^^^

The most important thing you can do is go on-line and look up "parental alienation syndrome." What your ex-wife is doing to your children is severely damaging your kids and they will psychologically suffer for it.

I know your finances are a mess, but you need to go see a lawyer and enforce the court order AND ask for mandated therapy for your 9 year old. You need to be able to show the lawyer any instances where you have texts or e-mails, letters, etc. where your ex has trashed you and/or said that the girl doesn't have to go see you.

I wish you well.

secondplace's picture

11batman: Please use paragraphs. It makes it much easier to read for the rest of us. Some people will just move on if they see a "wall of words".

secondplace's picture

11batman: Please use paragraphs. It makes it much easier to read for the rest of us. Some people will just move on if they see a "wall of words".

SM12's picture

First of all, stop paying health insurance on kids who want nothing to do with you. If you are not court ordered to pay it, stop paying it.
Secondly, talk to an attorney about the fact she has not refinanced the home.

Third, you may want to consider bankrupsy. Let the bank take back the house or let BM figure out how to pay for it and start over. You can rebuild your credit within a few years if you do it the right way.

And finally, stop being BM's doormat. If you want to see your Youngest daughter, contact her directly on her cell phone. Ask to see her.

Acratopotes's picture

ALl I can say - if they can't take the time of day to send you a cheap card, or at least text you or call you...

simply stop providing money for them, you pay not a cent more then CO stipulations.

thinkthrice's picture

As others have stated: FOLLOW THE CO AND ENFORCE YOUR PARENTAL RIGHTS. By going along with the BM's ALIENATING plan, and yes, that is EXACTLY what she is doing; she wants you to be nothing more than an ATM to the children, you are setting a DANGEROUS precedent. A precedent that many have followed and it's HASTENED the alienation.

You are teaching your children that Mommy Rules and Daddy Drools.

skatermom's picture

Your ex sounds so much like my DH ex, it's scary. So I can relate. As other's have said. Enforce the court order with the youngest child.

Simply go to your ex's house when you are supposed to pick her up and do so. Not sure what your custody schedule is, but you need to enforce it. You do not have to listen to your ex-wife in regards to anything, you are just as much of a parent as she is.

With the older kids, let them be, they will come around and see the light in time, they are at the age where they are pulling away, if your finances are that jacked up, do only what your are court-ordered to do, no more. That also includes only paying your half on all debt.

Keep a record of what your ex owes you. The loser BM in our case owes my husband over 9k in unpaid medical bills, credit card debt, etc. He's not dropping it, the expenses keep getting added to the spreadsheet.

In our case the crazy B is homeless again because she blew threw all her money and we have the kids basically FT, she has been taking them to a motel or camping on her weekends. Yet, they came to our house yesterday with more new clothes, I was floored.

I know you feel like you want to escape with your girlfriend, but that's wrong, first of all, you need to maintain custody with the youngest daughter and you need to learn to be strong without relying on a woman. Sounds like if she dumps you, you will go off the deep end.

MHern85's picture

My bfs kids did the same thing and they live with him! No nothing not even a happy fathers day! They of course did something for their step dad. Kids can be reallt spoiled and I partially blame him for never standing up to them and demanding respect.