Help!! BM’s constant presence is too much
I have been on here for a while and have been plucking up the courage to post but after the week I have had I have had enough and need to vent!!
I have been with my partner 5 years, I have 2 children of my own and he has 1 daughter who is 12 and my partner has brought up his ex’s son since he was 3, he is now 16.
BM is an absolute nightmare, she keeps breaking the court order and changing access arrangements and she will message my partner every single day. Sometimes it’s abusive, swearing calling him a useless dad, other times she tries to be nice, usually when she wants something. She messages him calling him names and being abusive towards me, so my partner made the decision to only respond to urgent messages and any messages regarding the children, he ignores everything else. BM is not happy with this and she blames me for everything, saying I have changed him, however, my partner assures me she has always been this way and she wants a to control him. BM has moved on herself and has a live in partner, however she cannot seem to accept my partner has also moved on. This has been continuing on and off for the past 4 years.
I feel like BM is constantly a part of our lives, she interferes with everything we do, we can’t even go on holiday without her messaging him, last month she messaged him over 60 times, all except two messages needed a reply because they regarded the children. I have had enough of constantly talking about her and her constantly causing trouble. My partner feels down about the whole situation himself and does everything he can to try and not let her into our lives everyday but it is impossible when she is constantly texting. I have told him not to block her in case there is an emergency with the kids, so we really are stuck! On top of this she is trying to turn her son against my partner, even though he has brought him up and he now only seems to want to know when he wants money. I feel resentful that my partner was decent enough to bring this boy up even though he split with his mum 10 years ago but the boy just uses us as a bank!! My partner sees the 16 year old as his son so it’s a really difficult situation. I suppose I also feel resentful because the boy isn’t my partners biological son but we treat him exactly the same as the other children, yet all we get is abuse from his mother. He is also quite a handful and winds the other children up so I feel like we put up with a lot of crap caused by him on the weekends he is with us, which makes me feel awful for writing that down!
We are meant to be getting married in 6 months and I am having doubts about whether I can handle the constant stresses BM causes. I love my partner and get on well with his children as he does with mine, I just can’t handle BM’s constant presence.
Sorry if I have rambled on, I hope this all makes sense. Please help!!