Help! 9 year old SS is ruining my marriage
Hi! I'm new here and came across this website in hopes of getting some advice/venting.
I met my husband almost 4 years ago. His son was 5 and my son was 3 almost 4. It was great in the beginning. The kids played and got along, his son would sit with my on the couch and it was all fine and good.
Two years ago we got engaged and my husband moved in with me and my son. My dh doesn't have custody of his son, just every other weekend. And things started to become a bit rocky. I was constantly on edge when we had the boys together, they were always getting into stuff etc and his son started to just be disrespectful and rude to me. I thought maybe it's his age. He was then just 7. But at the same time dh never really had rules at his house. Ss could take his tablet to bed, stay up late, he basically ran the house when he was there. I do not run things like that at my home. We have bed time, no electronics and chores as I'm trying to teach my son responsibility.
well recently I've noticed my ss pretends to brush his teeth, so I have to go in there and make sure he actually does it. The same thing with showering. Not actually using soap or shampoo. Ugh. He recently got pink eye at his moms from not washing his hands. Gross.
I am now 9 months pregnant, about to give birth in about 2 weeks. Ss wants zero to do with this. Tells me he hates the name, and "joked" about throwing her in the woods. My dh says I'm picking on him.
My son and his son share a room with bunk beds while he is here. No big deal. Right. Well a few times I have caught his son in my sons bed with him and made him get in his own bed. I feel like it's completely creepy. This past Labor Day weekend I went in to check on them on Friday and his son was in my sons bed again. I of course made him go back. Saturday night the same thing. I was like wth is going on. So a little bit later in the night I noticed the door to their room was closed so I ran in and saw him in his bed again. I tore the blankets off and to my complete shock their pants were off. I grabbed my son out of that bed screaming and made him go in my room. He just turned 7. I was flipping out to say the least. I found out my from my son this is not the first time this has happened, and my ss was hard and having my son masterbate him and then he would do the same to my son. I'm absolutely disgusted with this. My dh was mostly on board with me and supportive when we called ss mom who has full custody. Her and his step dad insist that it was just curiosity and if it happens again then we can do something? Ummmm what???? I have taken my son into counseling twice now and have gone once with my husband and once by myself. I am beside myself with this. My husband during the appointment was given quite a few truth bricks because apparently listening to me doesn't work. But now his ex is giving him all this crap about it being normal etc and that I'm over reacting. We tried to schedule ss for a counseling appt and she at first agreed then after she changed her mind because he would have to miss school. She made all this excuses for him, he may have adhd, he makes bad choices etc etc.
so far we have switched weekends with the boys and my son I think Is fine with it. I've been very honest with him about how it was inappropriate and that those things are normally done between a man and wife etc.
I don't want this kid at my house at all. My husband said well he is my son and I won't stop seeing him. I get it but now I'm having a little girl. He also has two little sisters with his mom.
If we weren't married and having a baby id be gone in a heartbeat. We have a Disney trip planned in May next year and luckily I don't think we are going to take ss now. The mom doesn't want us taking him out of school.
I need advice ladies.