Help!!! 2 year old totally changes when dad gets home.
My BF has his two kids full-time. His two year old daughter is great when her dad is at work. I'm very consistent with her, probably because I have already raised my kids and learned a lot then. But as soon as her dad gets home she completely changes into a mean, horrible, rude, hurtful, disrespectful, whiney, snotty brat. It is so emotionally hard to be here in a different state than my kids and grandson caring for two children who aren't mine everyday and get treated like crap by the youngest (9 yrs old son is mostly fine). He completely dotes on her and spoils her. Everything is a question. Can I change your diaper? Do you wanna lay down with me? Do you want to eat your dinner? Do you want something else instead? That doesn't really work with a t speed 2 yr old. I'm loosing my mind here. How do I bring this up with him?
Sad
It mostly makes me sad because my kids and grandson actually want me to be there and they miss me. But instead I'm two states away with a kid who probably lays awake at night thinking of ways to "off" me.
Tell him you are not a free
Tell him you are not a free babysitter.
you raised your kids and have earned your "you" time. He needs to raise his kids, and if he wants to raise them to be spoiled entitled brats... let him. Not your problem. You enjoy your life and what makes you happy.
I don't mind watching them. I
I don't mind watching them. I just wish he would take my example and see how much better she does. Not just because it would be easier for us here and now but because in her life later it will be better. She needs to know that the world doesn't revolve around her all the time.
My kids did this, too
I used to drop my kids off at MIL's house when I went shopping. When I walked back in the door, they'd start whining, fighting and acting up. My MIL would be so exasperated, " They were perfect while you were gone!"
Did you let them?
Did you let them?
No
I'd straighten them out on the way home. It seemed like a transition thing.
Well, if you think the
Well, if you think the relationship is worth saving, you need to speak up about how he parents and how it affects you. If you haven't said anything, then you are just as much to blame.
Though given that you are a grandmother, I can't imagine why you'd want to start over with a fresh toddler in your life.
Get on the same page
Immediately. She needs consistency. And the 9 yo will notice preferential treatment.
Sit him down and explain things, concisely. Do not go right into criticism of his child and his parenting. Put it into a postive light. "I want the best for HER". Or "I want things to be fair between the 2 children, they DESERVE that." Or what I do "I want Sd to be her best self and shes not her best self when she doesnt get consistency between us."
Always emphsasize that you want the BEST for his children. That you want them to THRIVE. To be HAPPY children and adults. that you need him on board as a united TEAM.
Thank you so much. I
Thank you so much. I definitely want it to work out. Just wasn't sure how to approach it with him.
"Can i change your diaper?"
"Can i change your diaper?" Wtf does he do if she says no?! Idk, this guy sounds hopeless. Imagine her as a teen.
The solution is easy.
The solution is easy. Establish clear age appropriate standards of behavior and performance for the kids in your home. Enforce those standards 24/7 regardless of who is there or not. If she behaves when daddy is at work and lives a life of abject misery when he is home because her behavior implodes she will eventually make the connection between her behavior and the consequences she lives when she chooses not be behave.
As you march her to an isolated corner for time out when she implodes while daddy is there, explain to her why she will be in the corner and not seeing daddy or anyone else until she gets her behavioral shit together. Using age appropriate wording of course.
Lather, rinse, repeat until she catches a clue.
Good luck.
Thank you everyone. We sat
Thank you everyone. We sat down last night and had a talk.
?
Howd it go????????????????????????
Really really good.
I sometimes forget that all I have to do with him is be open and honest and it works out. I've never been in a relationship where I could be completely honest about my wants, needs and feeling. Pretty new territory for me. Its a beautiful place though. Thanks.
Why are you even home with
Why are you even home with her. I'd get a job out of the house and he'd take the kid to a day care. No way no how I'd stay home with someone else's kids. Don't be available. Did you give your up career and income to babysit and be dependent on a man? No thanks