Not knowing the whole situation, I'd actually have to agree with the negative feedback the wife was getting. The husband still has a right to his mail, as he's an adult. The idea that DH would have a "right" to keep mail from me just because we're married is preposterous.

Sadly I have to go with the XW as a petty and manipulative individual. How dare she cost this man and his son a lifelong relationship and not only that she ruined the memory of their entire marriage for her husband.

No character. That is the only conclusion I can draw regarding the deceased wife.

Notasm, you make a very good point. In 1959 an extra unaccounted for child showing up could be quite a catastrophe and it wouldn't necessarily be good for the child, either. His mom may have been pretending to be a widow where she was raising him but once dad showed up, the boy would have the stamp of illegitimacy. And without DNA, the new wife really had no way of knowing the real truth and the man may not have either.

Having said all that, some years ago I received a phone call from a young woman who was certain she was the child of my brother. She gave me all her details and, since I'm close in age to my brother and went to the same high school at the same time and was, in fact, close to him in high school, I was able to ascertain within an instant that the girl was mistaken. I told her so.

I was very patient with her, if I say so myself, because I knew it was important to her. I stayed on the phone with her about 45 minutes. I told her if there was any way it was true, we (all our family) would want to know her and love her. And I wished her well with her search and hoped she found a family that would feel as we would have, welcoming and loving. But I assured her it was not true that my brother was her father.

She told me she had gotten my number by looking up my brother and calling his house. My brother's wife answered. Interestingly enough, my sister in law, who would have known nothing about my brother in the years surrounding the girl's conception, gave the girl my number.

I told the girl I would have my brother call her, but again cushioned her for the news that she had not reached the end of her search. Soon as I hung up with her, I called my brother at work, "Has your wife called you yet?" "Huh?"

I told him what was going on. He agreed with me he knew nothing about this girl's mother and it was not possible he was involved. He also agreed he would call her and give her that closure. But he wanted to call his wife first. The fact my sister in law had not called him to tell him and had also directed the girl toward me, told both bro and me that sil was wondering what in the heck the truth was and sorting out her own feelings.

So anyway, that poor young woman may still not have found her dad but we treated her as kindly as we could, considering she really had nothing to do with any of us. And my normally very even keeled sil must have had quite an unpleasant and suspenseful morning wondering how it was going to turn out and how she would feel about it.

What if my sil had not had me to turn to? What if it had been 1959, not 1995? And without the incontrovertible evidence of someone like me in the picture, could that girl have turned bro and sil's life upside down and damaged her own by believing my brother was her father? It boggles my mind to think of it.

I do believe I would never have hidden the letter, no matter what year. But I can see where it's possible more damage would come to all, including the child, by not doing so.

Also, I want to know why the wife hid the letter, not destroyed it. Someone analyze that one for me, please.