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Has anyone had any luck manipulating BM?

The Triangle's picture

So here's my plyte, BM sucks (duh) BUT now we live 100's of miles away from her, YAY!!! (We have ss11). Since we have relocated the stress level has dropped tremendously! Ss started off this school year horribly, like on the verge of failing horribly! He is super smart but his rents argue like cats and dogs and he didn't want to move away from BM. We started researching via school counseling, books, Internet, etc. we came to the conclusion that showing ss that we could be a United front would help him adjust. So we started having phone conferences with ss and BM about school and just amongst the adults (I use that term loosely when speaking of BM). Our plan worked! Stepson started feeling the gap between houses get smaller and smaller. At the end of the day what is it to be semi cordial to that trash bag via phone? I mean it is for the greater good of the kid. WELL, it is starting to backfire on me, BM thinks we're FRIENDS! She has even made reference to us being friends. Now this has played into our favor this far, even tho she is a lying sack of ... We do have an open line of communication. (Dh included). I am thinking that she speaks to me because I just "bar guest her" to death. I listen, acting like I'm interested and ask questions when I want to. It almost comical. I'm not a manipulative person by nature, I have been taught that you get more bees with honey. Which is kind of the premise dh and I started the convos. If you would have told me 6/7 years ago that psycho Barbie would have EVER referred to me as her friend, I would have asked for mental evals. I have never met such an entitled, dillusional, and manipulative person in my life! So my question is: has anyone else tried the keep your friends close and your enemies closer tactic? How did it work for you?!

The Triangle's picture

Amen! I will continue to be civil, I had no idea that she would read into it this much! I mean, she is the furthest thing from anything I respect. I guess I just thought it is easier to be polite. BUT kind of manipulative being as how I CANNOT stand her!

perfectsaralee's picture

100% agree with moving_on. These BM's are bat shit crazy...

" I have never met such an entitled, dillusional, and manipulative person in my life!"

...this pretty much sums up why you should NOT allow her to be "friends" by any stretch of the word. She could hoodwink you in a heartbeat.

Lady V's picture

" I have never met such an entitled, dillusional, and manipulative person in my life!"

I couldn't agree with this more. The BM I deal with has tried to blame me for absolutely ridiculous things. She told my husband she feels uncomfortable talking to him because he tells me everything. (not quite sure what she thinks married couples do...) She's very dramatic and loves attention. So I completely cut off communication with her no texts, phone calls, I don't wave to her when she picks up my SS/SD. She's nonexistent to me now. She tries to find ways to come into my home. She always wants to talk to my husband about the kids because she wants someone to hear all her bright ideas of being a mom.

The whole act is quite pathetic and I just don't entertain people like that. Once she started to realize she can't get to me she started to back off and bother my DH. Once my DH started giving her one word responses to her demands she realized he wasn't paying her much attention either. Now the texts are narrowed down to just "I just dropped him off".

momandmore's picture

Nope... that isn't a good tactic. Friends close, enemies closer.. nope. I have a friend who thinks it works in her favor with the BM.. I know the BM and she laughs at the SM's antics. She lets SM think she is getting her way. The SM doesn't have the kids in the best interest and I side with the BM because of that.

hereiam's picture

Nope. That is BM's MO; pretend to be your friend, then stab you in the back.

She tried to be "friendly" once in the beginning by calling me (over and over) to tell me why I should dump my DH (boyfriend at the time). I told her if she ever called me again, I'd sue her for harassment.

It worked better for me for BM to know very little about me, other than the fact that I would not be messed with.

She did not know what to expect from me, she was not sure what lengths I would go to to protect myself and my relationship, and she was not sure just how much smarter than her I was. She does not like going into unknown territory, she only likes to terrorize those that she knows she can.

It worked great. SD is an adult now and we deal with BM, never.

momandmore's picture

Your BM sounds like BM2.. except, she's still not smart enough to know that I'm always at least 2 steps ahead. And.. I have another 12 yrs to deal with her. :sick:

ChokinOnLemonz's picture

It ended with a knife in my back and a BM gone psychotic after a conversation about DH bettering herself drove her into angry torrents of how he must love ME because he never tried for HER and how horrid life with him was for HER and etc etc then a full on campaign of hate rained on me that I haven't witnessed any one try to do to another since Jr. High!

AllySkoo's picture

Nope. At least not on my end. I go for "civil". I treat her as I would a coworker, basically. Friendly, NOT friends. BM occasionally over-shares with me and I have NEVER, not ONCE, shared anything remotely personal with her. Nor will I ever. I don't care what she considers us, I literally could not care one iota less what she thinks of me, and I'm not trying to "manipulate" her. I'm civil because it makes everything easier, but I would never allow anything else.

The Triangle's picture

Exactly what I mean! Civil because it works. She manipulates herself. I am not a b@*•€~! To her and now we're friends?! Ha ha ha ha ha !

Rags's picture

Nope, we were never friends with my Skid's toxic and manipulative Sperm Clan. We just beat them into submission legally, socially, financially, in their church community, and in their work. They learned to follow the CO to the letter, comma, and period and to do what they were told when they were told or we brought the pain.

We never tolerated anything from them and never did they mistake how much I detest them for friendship. That is what it took for us to protect my Skid's best interest and protect him from the shallow and polluted end of his gene pool.

SweetMom's picture

A whore that wants to rip my family apart because hers failed by her seducing my husband and using her kids against me, isn't my friend. She knows I don't play when it comes to communicating with her.

The Triangle's picture

Let me be more specific, I am NOT HER FRIEND, I am civil. BUT she has mistaken my civil as her saying "I am glad we are friends". I find it comical that her life is so messed up that the first person that doesn't tell her how much of a piece of crap she is, she considers a "friend". I was wondering if anyone else had this experience? I don't divulge to her, I just let her run her mouth about how spectacular she is blah, blah, blah... She is manipulating herself essentially... I do not trust her and keep her very distant. We have maybe had 4 decent convos... So I guess manipulating her to the extent of not being mean and letting her "think" that there is no anger...?

ocs's picture

nope.

I even walked right past her when i saw her in public once. Bitch is invisible to me.

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

Nope. Because it never works. Because you end up giving mental space to the BM and that always will come back to bite you in the butt, even if you get your short term goal from her. They live and thrive on drama, and you bet while you're thinking about how you can get her to do what you want, she's attempting the same thing vice versa.