the happy little family illusion
Does your BF/hubby insist on going to every one of skid's appointments and every activity under the sun whether it is his day to have the kid or not? I am not talking weddings, graduations and first borns here. I am talking about dentist appointments, haircuts, flu shots, getting those little screws tightenened on his glasses! My BF must go to every single ridiculous thing even thought BM is more than capable of getting the kid there. BM isn't asking this of my BF (she tortures us enough in other ways), its my BF who is insisting! When BF has the skid (50% of the time), BM couldn't care less and doesn't attend these trivialities. She has a life (such as it is) and a boyfriend. When BM has the kid, there they all are, the three of them, like a happy little vision of the past. BF will drop anything and everything with me to be part of the threesome. When I suggest that sometimes divorced couples do things for the child separately, he has a fit, as if I am the crazy one. Suddenly, its none of my business, his time, his concern. Hello...if I made plans to do my own thing on nights he was looking forward to being with me, how do you think he would react? Unless we are out of the state, at least 100 miles from home, our time means nothing because the second the BM or skid announce that they are going to soccer practice, or to buy shoeslaces, or head to the pediatrician for a routine physical, BF runs out to join them. I grew up with two marriend loving parents, who always divided and conquered. Was my dad ever overseeing my haircuts WITH my mom? Were they both there for the tightening of my braces? Hell no, and not for a second did I think they didn't care or weren't interested in me. Why would both parents have to be there? The quesion doubly applies when those parents are divorced. Does your man do this? Is he there by BMs side at every one of skid's appointments? Most importantly, if your man does this too, why do you think he does it? "Its for my child, its for my child, its for my child." That's all I ever hear, and yet I didn't fall of the idiot truck yesterday.
No doubt Foxie. I called him
No doubt Foxie. I called him on that one too. I asked him if both of his parents were present for every haircut, or if both parents had to help him pick out underwear when he was a kid. Of course not (although he won't admit it). No one parents that way, even if they are independently wealthy and have nothing else to do....he gets defensive and says he is an "involved parent." Involved my ass....involved with his ex wife is more like it. I would bet a million dollars that if we had kids together (don't worry I am not stupid enough to head down that road) he would send me off to every one of our kids appointments solo while he went of with skid and the ex. "Oh, is our child in the emergency room?" "I would join you but my first born and ex are at soccer practice and I simply MUST be there."
I smell a fish here. I think
I smell a fish here. I think he goes because:
1) he doesn't want BM's boyfriend going
or
2) he is trying to prove himself to BM.....
or
3) he still has feelings for BM
Yep.
Yep.
My DH does the same thing,
My DH does the same thing, especially as his boys have been getting older and participating in more sports. He has to go to all their games plus he tries to go to practices, tae kwon do classes and Cub Scout activities even when they’re with their mom. I’d understand if he was going to major events or even somewhat important things like games the boys are playing in, but the boys live over an hour away and it’s too far to drive to watch a soccer practice.
Now he’s been flying up to see his daughter’s school events, which he’s never done before, because he says he’s “missing her grow up.” This didn’t bother him before. He’s only celebrated one Christmas and 3 birthdays with her but now he has to fly up for school plays and conferences with her teachers.
He absolutely has the “perfect” family delusion like we’re all suppose to become the Brady Bunch. His parents divorce when he was young and his father wasn’t around, now he’s seeing the same thing happen to his kids.
I'm getting lots of laughs.
I'm getting lots of laughs. My bf is borderline like this, but it's to get to see his kids more than the "allowed time" by the courts. But he does stick to teacher conferences, major doctor appointments (bc bm and he have a different philosophy on drugging children), and games. Of course bm never gets the girls involved in anything and he finally has done it on his one weekday with them. But this dad, forever2, needs help! LOL