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Had enough

TiredStepMom92's picture

This is just a vent, in general. I've had issues with my step kids, and since my last post, I've ended up bonding with my step daughter and things have gotten a lot better on that front. But the step son is another story.

So his mother is something like 4 foot. She's tiny. And while she leaves a lot to be desired as a parent (can't cook, can't clean, never had a job) I feel that she does sometimes cop a lot of flak that's unfair. Her son, and now my step son (16) is taller than her and uses his size to intimidate her, push her around and he's hit her a few times when he doesn't get his way. Now four years ago when his parents separated, she entered into a relationship with a guy that her son didn't like, and he'd have nothing to do with him. So his mother ended up turning around and telling her son to get out her house and she doesn't want him. So naturally he's hurt over that and obviously took offence.

So he's been living with his father and I. Now MY problem with him is that he does nothing. Absolutely nothing. Sits on his Xbox and phone all day and refuses to do anything else. Not even his given chores and won't offer to help with anything. He also got into the habit of making a filthy mess Everytime someone cleaned, eats everything nice, wastes everything etc. He also doesn't know how to use a screwdriver, can't change a lightbulb or use a cheese grater. Basic life skills, he can't do any of them. Not one. 

I got annoyed with him, and now my mother is accusing me of being an evil stepmother and being the same as HER stepmother who was both physically and emotionally abusive. I have never raised my hands against any of my partners kids or yelled at them, so I don't get it. I really don't. My own backstory is really long and depressing and I'm not sure it's even relevant? I don't know





Winterglow's picture

Tell your mother to mind her own business and tell her no more about what is going on hin your family.

What is your partner's stance on his son's behaviour? I sincerely hope he's on the same page as you are.

Start by turning off the Internet and wifi access. Stop paying for the kid's phone. Stop doing anything for him - laundry, cooking, driving him around - the lot.

"So naturally he's hurt over that"

Are you serious? This kid has pushed his mother arouind, intimidates her, hits her and he's butt hurt because he got kicked out?! Really?? WTF did he expect?  He's damn lucky she didn't call the cops on him for assault!


tog redux's picture

Where is your husband in all of this? He's the one who should be parenting his son and teaching him life skills, not you. If he won't listen to his mother then he's not going to listen to you. 

Sounds like she babied and coddled him then kicked him out when she found a new man - he's been a jerk to her, but I don't blame him for being hurt that his mother chose a man over him.  Still, he needs to follow rules in your home that his father lays down, not you. 

relationshipguru's picture

Tell your mother to mind her own businesses. She needs to butt out. Moving forward please quit sharing this stuff with your mother from now on. There is nothing more destructive and toxic than over bearing in laws.

EveryoneLies's picture

Well, your mom is wrong on this one. Being stepmom does not equal to being a non-paid servant. 

Why is your SS allowed to sit on the phone and Xbox all day? change internet password and he can look for a job to pay for his own. He's got food and a shelter, Internet is not a must have. He's 16 and he can start learning to clean for himself too. 

With that said I completely feel you. My SS is only 14, although he doesn't sit on phone or play video games all day, he also has zero problem solving skill, leave trails of trash behind himself, eats all the nice things and wastes about everything, so on and so forth just like yours. Even if sometimes I was able to keep my mouth shut, it's definitely an eyesore to see the mess everywhere.