Guilty father syndrome ruining our relationship
Hello. I am currently in a relationship with a man that us older than me and has 2 children. They are 21 (the girl) and 23(almost 24) the boy.
Just to set the scene a bit.. when starting our relationship he was the one that insisted he wanted to be with me and he divorced his ex wife and moved out of an unhappy marriage. He bought a house and after a while I moved in with him. The start of our life together was ok, visits from his kids regularly, going on trips etc
Almost 3 years ago we bought a house together. Shorly after that his son moved in. This came as a total susprize to me since he had not mentioned this to me at all before buying the house and he acted quite agressive when I tried to get clarification about this. Long story short, he is here 5 days a week for the past almost 3 years and is basically living like he is the guest of honor. There are no rules, no chores, no responsibility of any kind. He has a job and can be easily self sustaining, yet he contributes with nothing to the household (not even helping to prepare food, clean his own room). His father is indulging this behavior and after approaching him many times and arguing about it, his final answer is "he doesn't want to change anything or push his son into being more independent, he wants him to live here".
Again, after massive fights, today he admitted that he feels guilty for leaving the children and that he owes them, thus he needs to bow down at their every need.
I need to emphasize that I am at my whits end. The fact that I have been living the last almost 3 years with another adult in our house has ruined our relationship. We do not have any more privacy, few days alone, can't even talk freely about issues, and worse of all, there has been a lot of times when I have cleaned after his almost adult kids because they or he didn't. I feel I am not respected, my wishes are not taken into consideration, he is obsessively controling everythinga and asking them to come over all the time when we have a bit of time alone.. I feel hurt and mistreated.
What should I do?