great... now i'm on xanax because of that crazy b@#&%!
Are you freakin' kidding me? So, I went to the doctor today because I haven't slept in 2 1/2 weeks, my heart RACES, my hands shake, and I've lost 10 pounds in a month. They're checking my thyroid (which I will be convinced is at least part of the problem until the bloodwork comes back) but the doctor seems to think it's mostly nerves. I told him that my stress level has increased due to dealing with BM's crap but my health problems have been going on longer than the most recent spell of garbage with her. Regardless, my doctor must think I'm a little bit nuts because now I have to take Xanax at night so that I can get some sleep. Now, I am NOT someone that is a fan of any type of medication, especially anti-depressants or anything like that. Not that I'm against it, I just don't like them for me. He says it's only temporary but I AM A MESS about this. I'm not the one that needs drugs!
So I came home and told BF all about it and told him that there is no way that I could possibly convey to him how much it upsets me that she thinks she can use him as her lapdog and treat him like shit and how much it upsets me that she uses SD9 as a pawn in her sick game of trying to control him. You know what he said to me? "Maybe that's why I don't deal with her, to keep my stress level down". Guess what, asshole? It's not all about you anymore! Look at how SHE is affecting MY health! Yeah, me, the person you're in love with, right?
Am I unreasonable for feeling like he's protecting her and letting her do whatever she wants while letting me spiral downhill and have to be drug addled? As much as he hates her, why is he so willing to let me suffer because of her? Once again, she gets everything and I get screwed. I am SO PISSED right now I can't even see straight. Oh, wait! I can just take a Xanax. UGH.
First off, you're not crazy
First off, you're not crazy just because your doctor has precribed Xanax. Hopefully, your BF will eventually see what you're going through because he has chosen to not "deal with her". She is his baggage, not yours.
You are NOT crazy! I feel
You are NOT crazy! I feel the same way about FH's ex...so much so I'm even thinking if it's worth my health! I've had a bleeding ulcer before where I was throwing up blood and in the hospital because of so much stress and anxiety and depression I had from an ex-boyfriend that we lived together. If it wasn't for my brother forcing me to go to the hospital I don't think I'd be alive...I swore to him that I'd never make that mistake again but I almost feel like I'm on the same path because of the skids and how FH caters to everything his EX says and requests. He does stand up to her but it's few and far between. I've been feeling like crap lately and having the pains that come along with an ulcer so I'm really wondering if it's all worth it...I mean if FH and I have kids together and I'm dealing with all the stress that BM brings on what would that do to our baby? What kind of impact would that have on my body? I'm really reconsidering if this is the man I want for my kids....especially if he really can't stand up to his ex for his kids he has now....let alone his and my life that she likes to mess with and control.
Jack is back!
I'd love to hear all about it once you do!
don't misunderstand
I don't think I'm perfect and that everybody needs pills but me, but I know BM does!
i know :)
I know - sorry - just a little bit on edge. Still really angry that this is how everything's going down right now.
You need to draw the line.
You need to draw the line. Your health and well-being are in jeopardy. You are your husband's priority, not the ex. If she's causing you harm and he's doing nothing about it, then you need to seriously confront him about the issue. Counselling could help. If he's unwilling to support you, he's just as much of an asshole as his ex is and you deserve better.
I need to have all of my facts first
Well, I've definitely been laying it on thick since yesterday. The thing is I can't FULLY blame her yet... need to wait for bloodwork to come back & then I can go on the warpath.
I've spoken with his parents about the whole situation many times and we're seriously thinking about having an intervention. I'm all for it! He needs to stand up to her or else our lives will be dominated by petty bullshit forever. Plus, he may not want to deal with her but he's got to stick up for his kid, and for me for that matter.
you're absolutely right
I decided that yes, I'm pissed and it feels grossly unfair but my allowing myself to get this upset is definitely empowering her and that's exactly what she wants. I can't make her be normal and I can't force him to do something about her but I CAN control how I handle it. I still wish that he'd wake up and realize that she is affecting our lives way more than she should but I'm going to have to find a way to deal without killing myself in the process. She's not worth getting this upset over.
good/bad news
turns out that I'm not just nuts! My thyroid levels DID come back out of wack so I've got to go see an endocrinologist. I have to admit that it makes me feel a little better knowing that there really is something that's causing my uber stress-like symptoms. I know that BM doesn't help but the diagnosis definitely helps my mental health!