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1wonder woman's picture

Great... my boyfriend recently found out his ex wife never removed his name off of the utilities to her house...The court ordered her three years ago to remove his name from all utilities and she told him she'd take care of it.  Then three months ago I had him call the utility companies and make sure his name was removed... sure enough she never removed his name. So he asked her to once again remove his name and she said she would and a month later he called again and sure enough she never put the bills in her name... He was able to remove his name off of the water but not the gas and they informed him a month ago that she was already schedule for a disconnect... he ordered them to give her a two week notice to remove his name.  Well she did not pay the bill I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN! He gets a phone call today and sure enough it is a collector for the gas company... he was informed that there is a $200.00 gas bill in his name for the house that his ex wife lives in and the service was disconnected for non payment and he is being held responsible to pay this bill.  I knew it... because for weeks I told him I thought his ex wife had no gas because his little girl said they had no hot water and she said their hot water tank went out.  now today we know the truth the gas was disconnected for non payment... Now his kid is living in a house without gas. Today we get into this big argument... He said if I did not push him into asking her to remove his name from the gas bill his kid would still have hot water!  EXCUSE ME? I AM NOT TO BLAME HERE FOR HER NOT HAVING HOT WATER! HIS EX IS TO BLAME! This woman is out of control she has taken two vacations to Florida in the past four months she now has fallen behind on her second loan modification two times right after she takes her vacations. Now she has no gas because she refuses to live within her means... He has called her and he has texted her about this gas bill and no reply from her.  His name is off of the deed to the house because he was court ordered to do so. She was given 6 months to refinance and sadly she just keeps falling behind on the house payments on purpose and now she is on her second loan modification since we met in 2015.  Here they are divorced three years now and still connected and she is ruining his credit and he refuses to file bankruptcy or he could take this issue to court and inform the court of her actions but no he refuses to. She keeps on spending money and living a life style she can't afford and he does nothing.  She begged him not to file bankruptcy she said if you do this you will be putting me and your kid to the curb. I honestly do not know how much more I can take?  I told him to call her and place her on speaker phone so I could hear what she had to say about this gas bill... he said "it's not your's not your problem it's my problem... it's none of your business... OH YES HE DID! WE LIVE TOGETHER IN MY HOUSE THAT IS PAID OFF I TOLD HIM IT IS MY BUSINESS EXCUSE ME! SHE GOES DOWN HE GOES DOWN AND I GO DOWN TOO! I HAVE HAD IT! HE DID SAY HE WAS SORRY LATER ON... HE KNEW I WAS MAD AS HECK! He called his ex after I left the house but I knew she would not pick up nor would she call him back. Something tells me he is going to get stuck paying this bill just like she stiffed him with paying off her credit card debt of $2,500.00...  He refuses to file bankruptcy and refuses to inform the court... because she cries and begs him not to and she tells him if he does file then they will force her and her kid out to the curb... She says jump he jumps! Now if she tells him to file he will do it... I have never seen anyone be so controlled like this... he says she is narcissistic and now I see he is so right and sadly he can't break free from her... she is a VAMPIRE!  He needs to disconnected from her or from me! I have set a date and if he has not disconnected from his ex it is NEXT for me... 

fairyo's picture

I'm struggling to know why he didn't take his own name from the bills- but then, I may be assuming that that would be a sensible thing to do. He is still riddled with guilt and passing it on to you. I'm sorry he is treating you so unfairly, but it seems he still needs to be part of her life and paying bills is keeping that pathway open. I know what I do would do...

1wonder woman's picture

i agree with you.... it's hard for these two to disconnect... When he was married he just worked and never saw his pay check... she would give him car gas money every week and he trusted her to pay all of the bills on time and he found out she was so behind on so many bills that they were about to all become homeless. He never looked at his credit report or his bills... sad but true.  so she took advantage of him and is still trying to take advantage of him... she ruled the house!  She said jump he jumped!  She is the one that wanted the divorce she had another man on the side that he found out about after the divorce.  She did the divorce herself online to save them money... he trusted her to do the divorce herself.  HUGE MISTAKE!!  Now later he sees she can not be trusted! He was a working husband that worked long hours and he was just her personal ATM machine. after the divorce she thought he would remain her personal ATM machine...NOT NO MORE!!  well shortly after we started dating I noticed he would just write her out a check no questions asked and he would be left flat broke... plus he was still on the family phone plan the family car insurance plan... he was still on mortgage of the house that they lived in... she kept the house and she is now on her second loan modification because she can not afford to keep the house.  talk about a big mess!  i truly feel so sorry for this man..this woman is ruining his credit on purpose. yes he has came a long way...Now he pays his own car insurance and he is off of the cell phone family plan. he no longer writes her checks out or fixes things around the house for her. but he trusted her she told him three years ago that she took the utilities out of his name... then something told me to call and check... BAM! She never took the bills out of his name... He trusts her over and over again... He has had a hard time stepping out of that husband role that he use to play... she makes him feel bad and begs him not to file bankruptcy... she tells him "Please don't file... you will be putting us out the curb'.  so in a since he will blame himself if she becomes homeless if he files for bankruptcy. She can stay in the house as long as she pays the house payments on time and he can still file bankruptcy and we know that's not going to happen because she refuses to live within her means and he can't say NO to her. she is spoiled rotten and the kids are too.. the utilities are all out of his name now... there is one the gas bill that she is trying to shift his way to pay.  so there is one last connection that remains and it is getting his name off of the mortgage and sadly that will never happen unless she hits rock bottom... sad but true. it's his choice to remain connected to her... he has the power to disconnect!   But he refuses... grrrrrr But he forgets i too have a choice to keep him in my life or exit ... he is running out of TIME! 

justmakingthebest's picture

Just out of curiosity, is it acutally written in the divorce decree that he is no long resonsible for utilities after a certain date and that she was to move all accounts to her name solely? If so, send that to the gas company. Go waaayyy up in supervisors and get them to transfer that balance to her. If you have a court order there is no reason why they wouldn't. Also, he needs to put his foot down and demand reimbursement if he has to pay it. Small claims court if you have to. Letting BM get away with this stuff now will only get worse as time goes on. If she can't support the kids and provide basic utilites, then she doesn't need to have custody. 

Cover1W's picture

I did this with a bank after they refused to remove my name from the joint credit card my ex and I had (and he hadn't done so per the court order). I remainded calm, asked for a supervisor and offered to send a copy of the court order if they would like to review it...and they magically removed me.

1wonder woman's picture

i never thought of getting copies of the divorce decree and sending it to the gas company.... that might work!  yes it does state that she was to remove his name off of the utilities. it also stated she was to refinance the house in 6 months and sadly because of her reckless spending habits she can't pay no bills on time so she can't refinance.  the court has not been informed that she has not refinanced the house within 6 months....he was told no bank will refinance the mortgage for her because she can't pay the house payments on time for 12 months straight... so the bank keeps on doing loan modifications for her and the debt gets higher by the day and his credit is ruined because she keeps falling behind on the payments... she owes over $70,000.00 on a house that is only worth $89,000.00. This is what happens when you do not pay your house payments on time and you do loan modifications over and over again. They both need to hand over the house to the bank and walk away and  both need to file bankruptcy or try to sell the house since the market is doing pretty good now.  Crazy!! 

1wonder woman's picture

Yes she was court ordered to refinance within 6 months and the court order told her to remove his name on all utilities to the house that she was awarded immediately. She failed to do both! I made him call about three months ago and sure enough the water and gas were in his name.  the water bill was easy since his name was off of the deed the water company removed his name no problem. He asked her to remove his name from the gas bill she said she would he gave her over a month to do so... So he calls and sure enough she did not do what she said she would do... She did not pay the bill on purpose and they disconnected her gas. His little girl says the water tank is broke there is no hot water... Well now we know why there's no hot water... she did not pay the gas bill on purpose because she wanted to stiff him one more time because she was pissed that he asked her to remove his name from  the utilities to her house! She is mean!!  She refuses to pay her house payments on purpose to ruin his credit she knows exactly what she is doing... she lives the high life style because for months she pays no house payments then the stupid bank does another loan modification for her... his name is on the mortgage and since his name is off of the deed she can keep on making late payments and she can keep on doing loan modifications on purpose and he has no say so what she does with this loan because his name is off of the deed... his credit is ruined and the debt is enormous now... she owes $70,000 more than the market value of the house... Yep a big mess

DaniellaR's picture

This man is not available to date. He is still enmeshed with his exwife. Serve him legal notice to vacate your home and let him know you will not be available for  relationship with him until he is single. 

futurobrillante99's picture

Tell your BF if his balls are still in BM's purse, he needs to go live with her and you're kicking HIM to the curb.


ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

He clearly is confused about who he's in a relationship with.

The debt I can understand, sometimes that' sunavoidable... We still have a good $8k (got the updated number yesterday, they finally released the repo fee amount... UGH) in BM caused debt and we lose a LOT every month to that... We looked into legal solutions, only ones we have are AFTER it's paid off we can go for restitutions... Which at that point, who even cares, I don't want to deal with BM.

But the bills are COMPLETELY not okay. What he should have odne was sent BM a notice himself and given the gas company a date to end service to him. Then she has the option of either setting it up in herr name or going without. And if she chooses without, then his daughter cna stay with you while she figures that out. But paying BM's bills, when you have an SO who is depending on you too. Is inexcusable in my book.

ldvilen's picture

I am not a lawyer, but if there is a court order, I believe that is all he would need to show to any of these parties to get his name removed.  So, I'm unsure why this has gone on with your DH and his ex- for three years.  I have to ask, are you sure there is a court order in place or just DH's waddling?  Even if these companies won't respond to a court order or copy of a court order, then the next step would be to see a lawyer to make sure the document is upheld.  That is what court orders are for.  It wouldn't even cost that much.  And, actually, you could even go a step further and sue her for any back monies you paid since the date of the court order.  Again, I'm unsure why your DH has allowed this to go on for three years.

If there are court orders in place, especially, there is no excuse for him to take any of this lying down.  Is he afraid of his ex-? Is he using other excuses, such as "she's the mother of my children," and so on?  I see above he is refusing to take her to court and acting like it is not your problem.  Meanwhile, he is living in your house with you that is paid off.  If he wasn't continuing to pay all of BM's bills, then this would be more monies for the both of you to do/ enjoy your lives together.  Thus, in reality, you are supporting him indirectly.  We all do.

You have a DH PROBLEM and not really a BM problem.  Any man who can't rid himself of BM/ ex- guilt at least 99% of the time has no right even dating another woman, much less marrying one or living with one.  Here YOU are stuck in the middle of BF's and BM's divorce.  They are reaping the benefits, while you, as your BF's SO gets to pay the highest price of all three!?  Is that fair?  Not in the least, yet this is what many a divorced parent with children seem to expect from us SMs.  H-, society as a whole even seems to expect that from us: Mom and dad get to go off and do whatever they want, while we are expected to settle for sloppy seconds.  Mom and dad chose to divorce, but any man or woman they go on to remarry (and their children) are expected to pay a much higher price.  Because, all any of the bio-parents have to do is whip out the ol’ "it's for the sake of the kids" card, and they are given a pass.

There is absolutely NO WAY you nor any other SM should be going along with this.  You are his SO.  You are not the family lackey.  He is clearly treating BM like she is still his SO/ #1 and you are his babysitter, bank, mommy, driver, servant. . . anything other than the SO you should be.  He should have been kicked to the curb a good 2 1/2 years ago.  You already went above and beyond.  Stick with what you state in your last tine, "He needs to disconnected from her or from me! I have set a date and if he has not disconnected from his ex it is NEXT for me."

icanteven's picture

I agree with this. It happened to me, very similar, and yes, a man like this is not ready to be in a relationship with another person. He needs to finish his problems with his ex first, then he can date someone new. My husband did this also and I did not see until recently how messed up it was. A man who act like this will not put his SO first. His mind is not out of his ex's house yet even if he has been moved out from there a long time. He needs to fix his own problems and not give them to a new SO.

1wonder woman's picture

You are so right! He knows exactly what to do he is not that stupid..He can take her to small claims court but he won't she After their divorce she pushed $2,500.00 of her credit card debt onto him to pay off and he paid it all off!. He has had the power to do something but he refuses I have to push him... then we get into a huge fight.  He has a court order use it to your benefit! the day they were divorced was the day he should of stopped playing that husband role... he should be protecting himself not her and he should be putting his own best interests first not hers...  she is narcissistic and very manipulating and controlling... he told me she was this way for years and now I see he is so right! Scary! She even had the nerve just months after we started dating she asked  him to move back into the house and live with her and the kids and he could date who he wants and she could date who she wants... she said do it for our kids..SHE WANTED HER PERSONAL ATM MACHINE BACK!! she told him. two can live cheaper together. HE SAID NO WAY!!  she is engaged to a man that lives 500 miles away.  but again how can you move forward with someone new unless you have disconnected from your ex?  He can set himself free from her he can report her actions to the court and the court will force her to sell the house and he could file for bankruptcy... i reached out and received legal advice to help him and we were told  he can set himself free but he refuses to do so or at least try and I know why...he is wishing and hoping that one day she will pay those house payments on time and she will refinance the mortgage in her name and he is hoping she will remarry and the new husband will save him from this mess of an ex! Plus  his two older kids have already disowned him because the mother has filled their heads up with lies..  He is caught up in her web... she makes him feel worthless and a low life father. she controlled this man for over 20 years and yes he has came a long way trust me...sadly there is one last tie and that's the mortgage and he needs to get his name off of it and he can... but he must be brave enough to take the first steps. I will only give so much of my time to this man... disconnect or exit my life! NEXT! I love this man and l have given him more time to get his life together because I do think he is worth waiting for... but I'm 57 years old I'm getting too old to keep on waiting! 

hereiam's picture

You have been dealing with this for awhile, now, but you are not doing anything about it, just making threats. Evict him, already.

1wonder woman's picture

Yes I have put up with this for almost three years now... I honestly love the guy and he has came a long way and I believe he is worth waiting for... but I will only give him so much time... he loves his kids and i get that and they have lived in this house that his ex wife nor he can afford to keep for over twenty years. He has one last kid living there and she is 11 years old. He wants her to have the same life the other two kids had... the house they were born in and private schooling... both they can not afford to pay for. These two people for years have lived a very rich life style and honestly they are not rich far from it... the kids have no idea how deep in debt their parents are in right now just because they can not say NO to their kids wants and not to mention his ex wife is spoiled rotten!... I have my house paid off and my car is paid off and my life is simple... But I did promise him I'd give him a little more time to disconnect and i do keep my promises and i do feel he is worth waiting for. He is so close to cutting this last tie... He has came so far trust me it has not been easy for him because his ex wife is narcissistic and it is very hard for him to break the hold that she has had over his life for over twenty years... he has cut alot of ties because he does love me and he wants to free himself from the VAMPIRE that is what he calls her... she has sucks his bank account dry and his happiness away... but in order to be in my life in my future he must exit his ex wife or he will sadly have to exit my life ... his choice... he knows he is running out of time. 

Curious Georgetta's picture

Interests, and respect with this man? Then , I would imagine that he thinks that he is fulfilling the BF /SO role.

At this point, he has one woman damaging him and another woman damning him.  He is right that his personal finances are his business to handle even if he handles them in an inept way. You are not married to him and your credit is not tied to his. This  his poor credit rating won't impact your credit rating at all.  Obviously, you have the good judgement to keep your finances separate.

If you object to his living in your home because of his poor financial management, tell him that he must leave.

If you cannot date a man who has unresolved financial issues , then you should  tell  him that you no longer wish to be involved with him.

If you are going to stay in the relationship, let him know that as your B F/ S O   you expect him to be your friend, lover, and companion with whom you share activities, interes, love, and respect, However, as his G F/S O, you are neither his lender not his child care provider.

you can be his confidant without becoming his kerper. Give him the level of autonomy that he is telling you that he needs and wants.

If he solves his problems, then you have a kerper. If not  then perhaps this  was not the relationship for you.


ldvilen's picture

It will once they are married: "Thus his poor credit rating won't impact your credit rating at all."  BF and SO have been together for three years.  Is there marriage in the future?  We don't know, but any SO would be nuts to let her BF blow whatever money he wants, especially on another woman, while she just sits back and lets him go at it.  Even taking BM and SKs out of the picture, no GF would be OK w/ her BF continually spending money on things that only he can reap any benefit from.  Meanwhile, GF is having to pay more for utilities or such herself because BF is only concerned about his end and just doesn't have the funds!?

BUT, you are right on this: "If you cannot date a man who has unresolved financial issues , then you should  tell  him that you no longer wish to be involved with him. . . As his G F/S O, you are neither his lender not his child care provider."

I agree the same rules do not always apply when it is a GF vs. wife situation.  However, eventually the GF may become a wife, and it is not like DH can really keep his divorce issues at bay from the GF, claiming she has stay out of everything because she is JUST a GF.  And, then, once they are married, suddenly there is all this crap in the can that should have been dealt with way back when and boundaries that really should have been set way back when.  Not to mention that if SKs have been allowed to just think of GF as dad's woman on the side and have been permitted to blow her off, suddenly now that she is dad's wife are SKs going to be all hunky-dory and respectful of her?  Nope.  That is not going to happen.

Yes, in this situation, they are not married, but the overall cooperation with each other, finances, SKs really needs to be there before they get married.  However, yes, this is true for any BF/GF situation : "If you cannot date a man who has unresolved financial issues, then you should tell him that you no longer wish to be involved with him" 

1wonder woman's picture

When I first met this man he was up front with me from get go about his name still being on the mortgage to the house that they once lived in... he promised me that after she paid on the first loan modification on time for one year she will refinance the house loan and he will be set free from this enormous debt and last tie would be cut... So I wait one year and BAM i find out she had not made not one house payment in 15 months!! So this year again second loan modification... for almost three years now i have been waiting and wishing for the day to come that he is finically set free from his ex wife debt that is ruining his credit just like he has been wishing and hoping to be set free from her.  What makes this so hard for me is I do love him and he does love me but he loves his kid too and simply wants to give her the same life style the other two kids had. He wants her to be raised in the house that she was born in that all the kids were born in and he wants her to continue to go to a private school that she loves. But the thing is if these two could not afford to give his other two kids this life style with two incomes living under the same roof how in the World can they believe that they can give her the same life style now living in to separate homes?  MAkES no since? They both are in denial!! I wrote down a date I promised him I'd give him a little more time because I feel he is worth waiting for but his time is running out... he did another credit check on himself and he found out she has already been lover 60 days late 2 times on her second loan modification... She has been to Florida three times since Jan 2018 and bam when she returns the house payments are late again... CRAZY!! ENOUGH! How many chances do you have to give this woman? She will never change unless she hits rock bottom! He needs to take action now before she hits rock bottom and he will if I push him hard enough and once he is free from her he and I will be happy and we can get married someday but sadly that day will never happen unless he is brave enough to take the first step in cutting the last tie.  I simply want him disconnected from her debt it is too risky she goes down he goes down I go down too... I too have a choice and he needs to remember that... 

ndc's picture

This has been going on for a long time. You threatened him 9 months ago that if he didn't file bankruptcy to extricate himself from her that you would be through. You don't follow through on your threats, so I'm sure he doesn't believe you. 

You need to take action. Empty threats don't work.

ESMOD's picture

He should have taken the bull by the horns a long time ago and provided the utilities proof that he was divorced, not a homeowner and that he had a decree stating that all utilities were to be moved into his wife's name alone.

Now, they may have told him that they wouldn't remove him from past due balances.. but certainly they would have been able to establish a new account in her name that would have meant that all bills going forward were to be in her name.

Now that there are balances in arrears.. even with the proof he sends them they may be unwilling to remove him from the past due amounts.  He needs to contact the utilities and try to present proof but ultimately as a last resort if they won't remove him.. he tells them that he will pay off the past due amount if they remove him going forward.

And... him asking her to take him off the bills has NOTHING to do with her allowing the bill to be cut off.  She simply is not responsible and didn't pay... but also probably hopes he will help her as he certainly must have done in the past.

I'm unclear why she is concerned about him filing bankruptcy as that does not impact her really UNLESS they have joint outstanding debt because then those would end up 100% on her plate unless he reaffirms them during the bankruptcy proceedings... which by the way may not be as big of a get out of jail free card as it was years ago.  Many people are put into payment programs to pay much of their debt back over time.. so it's not like a big oops eraser.



ldvilen's picture

I hate to say this, but I'm beginning to wonder if they are really divorced too.  Or, are they merely seperated.  If this is the case, OP/ honey, you ESPECIALLY need to move on.  Personally, nothing breaks my heart more on Steptalk than when I see a woman in the year 2018 hang around and put up with a man and his wife (and she is still his wife until the divorce is official) who continue to play bizarre and biting games.  They play these games with each other, with other family members, with the people they date or live with, and most of all, with their own children.  This is really sick.  Meanwhile, GF/SM literally, and I do mean litterally, winds up being a concubine, servant, driver, family lackey, coming in last every time.  It is just sad to me that in the year 2018 women, in particular, are still being taken advantage of in this way AND that women still let themselves be taken advantage of in this way.

1wonder woman's picture

He found out just months ago she had fallen 15 months behind on the house payment and he told her he was going to cut the last tie and he was going to file bankruptcy and she cried on the phone to him... her exact word were... " PLEASE DO NOT FILE.... I'M BEGGING YOU... YOU DO Realize YOU WILL BE PUTTING THE MOTHER OF YOUR KIDS AND YOUR LITTLE GIRL OUT TO THE CURB IS THIS REALLY WHAT YOU WANT TO DO... I CAN NOT MOVE OUT OF THIS HOUSE AND LIVE ANY WHERE CHEAPER THEN THIS HOUSE"  Now I will tell why it is cheaper for her to live in this house... she goes 15 months and pays no house payments and the bank will do another loan modification for her and she will pay on time for four months an BAM she falls behind again for another 12 months... she pays hardly no house payments... If she lived in an apartment she would of already been kicked to the curb.... they do not put up with this crap... not like a bank will. She is ruining his credit on purpose and the debt just keeps on getting higher because she makes barely any house payments per year... She knows how to beat the system and get what she wants from her ex husband. she makes him feel sorry for her and her kid and he falls for her lies and false promises... she works him and the the banks to get what she wants every time. the only way she will learn is if she hits rock bottom! Then what will he do for her and his kid? Move them both into my house... oh heck NO! She just last year begged him to move back into her house and he could date who he wanted and he would date who she wanted ... she said two can live cheaper under one roof... she said please do it for your kids... he said no way!!  thank God! 

Rainydaze777's picture

Wtf is wrong with these idiotic men. I want to punch all of them in face

1wonder woman's picture

They are brain washed I'm telling you! 

notsurehowtodeal's picture

If so, all he needs to do is call the company and cancel the account. They will put a notice on the door, or mail a notice, that the gas will be shut off by such and such a date if the account is not transferred to the new owner. Then she either sets up her own account or the gas gets shut off.

If it is a joint account there has to be a way for him to remove his name without her consent. He needs to ask for a supervisor and start working his way up the ladder. The company is under no obligation to follow the court order - but it might help prove that he is no longer living there.

Have you actually read the court order? It is rare that it would be ordered that he remove his name from the deed but keep it on the mortgage. Usually the name on the deed is changed when the house is refinanced or sold. Unfortunately, you can't force someone to refinance if they can't qualify. What he needs to do is either file contempt charges or just start the process to modify the order that the house must be sold and the proceeds split.


1wonder woman's picture

Yep... trust me I read every page of their divorce papers and the court ordered them both to separate all joint debt..He was responsible for his debt and she was responsible for her debt.... she was awarded the house and the court ordered her to refinance within 6 months and the court has no idea she has not done so! The court ordered him to get his name off of the deed to the house within 6 months and he did so.  The court order stated no joint debt was to be obtained together after the divorce. as for the utilities since she was awarded the house she was court ordered to place all utilities in her name and out of his name since his name was no longer on the deed he no longer owns the house she does but he is still on the loan... she promised him she would remove his name on all utilities I even saw the photo that he took of her text message where she promised him. He knows what he needs to do to put an end to this mess but he is in denial... he really is wishing that she will wake up and pay the house payments on time so she can refinance and he can be set free or better yet he is hoping she will get married and he will be set free.  But that is wishful thinking on both of our parts... He knows her better than anyone she will never change unless she hits rock bottom. We need to do a intervention with him... because she is like a drug and he is addicted to pleasing her.  He can't say no to her. He wants me he loves me but he also loves his kid and everything he has done is because he wants his kid to be raised in the house that the other two kids were raised in.  She loves her private school and her home... but come on reality is they could not afford this house this life style when they were married and they can't afford it now living in two separate houses. It's a big mess... but i too have a choice and he is running out of time.  I promised him I'd give him more time because i think he is worth waiting for... i keep my promises...  I told him he must disconnect from his ex in order to move on with me... only time will tell where we go from here... 

fairyo's picture

I find this unbelievable-he has two women dancing around him and seems unable to deal with either. He sounds like a loser to me and I am really struggling to understand why you are wasting so much energy on trying to sort him out. As quite a few people have told you-get out, even if he sorts all this out something else will crop up that he will leave you to fix. He is just lazy- lose him!