You are here

Glad I found this site now

runnergirl4's picture

I'm glad I found this site as it has really opened my eyes to my possible future. I had posted a question about how to handle my BF's daugther not wanting to meet me and received a lot of feedback. I have to say I was hoping for some positive ideas, but I got a good reality check instead I think. In my naivety I guess I was thinking that eventually things would work and improve and I guess they can, but it doesn't seem like the likely outcome. Especially when the BM only supports the 12 yr old having all the power. Yes, my BF is also to blame for that situation too as that is how she was raised. Trying to change it now being the non-custodial parent is awful. She is supposed to (finally) start counselling this week.

I have decided I am just going to back off the whole issue of meeting her. From what I've read here, I'm better off anyway. He can stop trying to talk to her to meet "that rotten person". My only issue now is to decided about the relationship itself since I need to ask if what I want full time is to see someone every other weekend and once a week. (Gee, it's like visitation, lol). I have been alone much of my marriage (17yrs) as he was gone for work and also emotionally unavailable and quite frankly I am tired of being alone. I am not with my BF because I don't want to be alone, believe me, I have lots of experience and have done well with being alone, I just don't want to spend the rest of my life that way. I have a good life by myself, but just wanted someone to share it with me. Finding someone without kids at my age is going to be unlikely, but there has got to be some successful blended families, right?

RedWingsFan's picture

I agree 100% with Mrs. Taylor. If I could've never met SD14 (she was 11 when her dad and I met), it would've saved me years of turmoil, anger, resentment, hurt and betrayal.

Count your lucky stars!

just tired's picture

There is nothing lonlier than being lonely in a marriage or relationship. You have to make that judgment call as to whether or not you are willing to continue to be alone....in your relationship and with that comes the peripheral b.s. about his daughter. OR, would you rather be alone...with yourself and have the ability to date people as you choose, travel where/when you like, and not have the specter of his daughter continuing to hold him hostage.

That's just my take on your situation from the little bit I know from your posts.

runnergirl4's picture

At this point, my Ex's offer of a somewhat open marriage in order to stay together for the kids is looking like it might have been a mistake to pass up. I could have saved my kids the pain of divorce and myself a lot of money. I could have just dated this man on occassion anyway. Great. What a life. Please excuse me, just feeling sorry for myself at the moment as my options seem to suck, lol.

runnergirl4's picture

Yes, I remember. You went to the hotel on the weekends he had the kids for awhile. I'm not sure how you managed to deal with that, but who am I to judge...I've done some things in the name of trying to make this work that others would never have tolerated.

I agree..my BF has extreme guilt and is sometimes depressed too. I love my BF, but this is really taking a toll on me. I hope you can fix your relationship.