Gift to DH ?
Part of my disengaging is not including SD15 when I buy gifts for DH (for birthday, Christmas, etc.) Usually I would get something for him from myself and then let the girls (my DD and SD) each pick something small out for him. On his last birthday I did not do this, because the gift I got him was a little more than I would have normally spent, so it was to be from all of us. Well, SD threw a fit when she saw the gift to him and knew that she hadn’t gotten one (and she hadn’t been around to explain to her what was going on), and all kinds of hell broke loose because I didn’t get a gift from her for her dad. After that I decided I would never again do that, and haven’t.
DH is retiring and he asked me if I could include SD in any gift I get him, if I am doing so, and he would give me the $. I think it defeats the purpose of me not including her because she doesn’t know that it’s him doing it and not me. Also I think it’s ridiculous that he is willing to give her $ so that she can get him a gift. She’s working now and should have her own $ to get him a gift if she wants to. I was going to include her because he asked, but now that I think about it….I’m not. I intend to stick to my guns with this stuff and doing this now will be backpeddling. If he wants to give $ to ensure she gets the satisfaction of getting him a gift…then he can give it directly to her or to her mom and she can take her.
What do you think?
This is absolutely
This is absolutely ridiculous. He's going to give her money to buy a gift for himself? What in the world???? This is wrong on so many levels. You are doing the right thing to stay out of it. Because he is so delusional that he actually thinks this is a good idea.
He's not teaching SD the value of gift giving. It's really shame. The gift giver should genuinely want to give the gift. Sheesh! She doesn't even have to buy anything. She could make him something.
The best gift I ever received was from my younger sister. She give me a handwritten poem in a dollar store frame. I cherish it to this day.
I'm sorry, I didn't
I'm sorry, I didn't elaborate...apparently she has been asking him, or hinting, about if anyone was doing anything for him for retirement, so she has been giving it a thought.
I'd give her a chance to take
I'd give her a chance to take the initiative. I know I just want my skids to want to get their Dad something on their own without me reminding them.
Find a way to casually mention that you need to go get him a gift and see if she says she wants to get him one too. (i.e. I've got to go shopping for your Dad this week, I don't want to wait until we're on the way to the retirement party.) If she can put a few dollars then take DH up on his offer and take the kid shopping so she can pick something out. As long as she's picking out something for him herself and it comes from the heart, it doesn't matter who's wallet the money came from.
If she doesn't take the initiative, don't do it for her. It's not the money but the lesson she needs to learn about giving as well as receiving.
She's 15 and working. If she
She's 15 and working. If she wants to get her dad a gift, she certainly can and she can do it on her own.
If she is working I would say
If she is working I would say let her handle it.
He needs to leave you out of
He needs to leave you out of it. Stick to your plan.
i'd tell dh no. you are
i'd tell dh no. you are giving him a present as his wife, not his baby's momma. it's not your responsibility. tell him to give sd the money and make her responsible for it. at least she'd be contributing in SOME way.
Thanks everyone...that's what
Thanks everyone...that's what I figured I would do...just let her deal with it.